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Five Ways to Know If Love Is Real

February 19, 2017

by Deborah King Featured Relationships

“Where’s that higher love I keep thinking of?” –Steve Winwood

“What is love?” the poets and songwriters ask. Is it all about chocolate hearts, flowers, and diamonds-are-forever? Maybe you picture yourself walking hand-in-hand with your sweetheart along the riverbanks of Paris, sharing stories on the beach, or gazing soulfully at one another by candlelight. With a mega-million-dollar romance industry working hard to color your imagination, how do you know what real love looks like? And how is an intimate, stable love relationship supposed to feel?

Maybe you have a love relationship in your life right now or maybe you are looking for one. The search for love and for an understanding of how best to establish and nurture a relationship is one of life’s central and most challenging quests. It’s also a powerful source of self-understanding, growth, and spiritual development.

Before I could experience the real love relationship that I have with my husband Eric, I had to make sure that my heart chakra was truly open to giving and receiving love and that I was sufficiently healed from my painful upbringing. Real love is an emotion of truth and has the power to heal all of the wounds you may have suffered in the past—if you allow it to flow.

While books, movies, and TV commercials can supply you with plenty of creative dialogues and scenarios about love, it really comes down to you. Your efforts to know yourself deeply and find your own authentic way of being in the world will shape your experience of love. “To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man [or woman],” says Shakespeare. Consult your inner wisdom when it comes to discovering your power to love and be loved.

Here are five ways your open mind and open heart can help you decide if you are in the presence of real love:

1. No Fear Here—Energy medicine teaches that love removes fear. Think of all the ways fear can get in the way of a healthy, happy love. “Did I say the wrong thing?” “What if she doesn’t agree with me?” “What if he doesn’t call me?” “Does she really love me?” There’s nothing like fear to destroy the good feelings of harmony, peace, and well-being in your love relationship or your attempts to form a relationship in the first place. The absence of fear gives you a sense of blissful potential and optimism. Consult your deepest feelings and decide if you and your loved one live in a happily, fear-free zone.

2. Actions Speak Louder— People have different ways of expressing their love. Would you rather have your loved one walk over and hug you or profess undying love while hurrying out the door? Helping prepare dinner, cleaning the bathroom, and putting gas in your car are actions that say, “I share the work of life with you.” Maybe he forgot the anniversary of the day you met, but he did walk the dog when you were sick. Are the actions you witness each day a source of joy in your relationship?

3. No Strings Attached—Do you feel completely accepted for who you are? Is your relationship free of judgment and troubling efforts to change you in ways that hurt your feelings? If you are respected and trusted and given room to breathe, you know how it feels to be loved unconditionally. If there are ways you need to improve, you’re free to decide them for yourself. Someone who really loves you does so for who you are, the essential and immutable you.

4. My Needs Are Met [and so are yours]—Do you receive the support and attention you hoped a relationship would provide? The human need for connection, communication, and companionship is served well in a real loving relationship. When you think about the things you need from a partnership, do you feel you are getting a generous helping? Does your partner express satisfaction, too? When both partners have their needs for acceptance, self-expression and shared experience met, they feel peaceful, hopeful, and productive.

5. Comfortable, Grateful, Free—Do you look forward to spending time with your loved one? When you are apart, do you feel confident and comfortable? Do you each feel free to do what you love even if you are pursuing different interests? Can you say that you have room to grow, change, and learn? Is there a feeling of soul-satisfaction and gratitude in your togetherness? Is your partnership clearly a gift for your spiritual well-being, happiness, and self-discovery? Are there plenty of laughs in your life together?

Finally, you will know when love is real by how it makes you feel over time. While you may feel over the moon with excitement in the early stages of a new relationship, unless there is true connection you won’t feel a deeper sense of comfort and unity for long.

Remember that your inner vibration, your personal energy field, will need to be healthy and whole and balanced for you to attract a compatible being to your side. It’s true that there is a higher love and you must first send it forth in order to bring it back home.

5 Ways to Say “Thank You”

May 1, 2016

by Deborah King Featured Relationships

“God gave you 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say ‘thank you’?”
–William A. Ward

What do you think when you hear the word “gratitude”? One of America’s most famous gratitude stories comes from Oprah Winfrey. Remember Oprah’s gratitude journal? Each day for ten years, she faithfully wrote down five things she was grateful for, things that made her laugh, things that tasted wonderful, things that were beautiful, things that made her heart sing. And what happened? Her life became so big, so full, so exciting, so wonderful that she barely had a moment to keep up her journal!

That’s the way of gratitude. The more it’s expressed, the more there is to be grateful for. Gratitude is like manna for the soul. It nourishes you in both obvious and untold ways as it reverberates through your energy field and out into the world. Like no other tool so easily within your reach, it can transform and transmute anything that ails you. In my work as a spiritual teacher and energy healer, I’ve seen that when you come to understand this emotion’s immense power, you’ll want to make it the cornerstone of your life.

Being in a state of sincere appreciation is the single most important tool for creating everything you want. Of course, you’re thankful for things you already have, but you can also have a practice of gratitude that works like an affirmation but taking it to an even higher level. Not only can you envision what you want in positive and present words—as though it already exists—but you can be grateful for it as though it has already been received. The difference is that you’re connecting to the emotion that you would feel having your desired result, which creates an even more powerful pull on the unseen ability to manifest on this plane.

To truly transform your attitude to one of gratitude, you’ll need to practice it on a regular basis until it gets to be a habit—until it becomes the place where your thoughts naturally go as you move through your day, including when you face adversity. Try these five ways to build your gratitude practice and make the warm feeling of appreciation a healing part of your daily life:

Grow your gratitude list. Start building your awareness of all you have to be grateful for. Take just a few minutes each night to make a list of blessings, large and small, and, if possible, say your list out loud. For example, “I am so grateful for my good health, another successful day at work, and the fun encounter I had with the guy on the elevator. I’m grateful that my favorite TV show is on tonight, that I learned a valuable lesson in my difficult interaction with my boss,” and so on.
Ask yourself key questions. Get into the habit of asking yourself every night: “What have I received today? What have I given to others today?” This simple review gives you the opportunity to examine the good in your life and to recognize whether you are sharing your gifts.
Use the power of the positive. Practicing daily positive affirmations helps you wake up to the true nature of your being. Repeating the words, “I am loved just the way I am” and “I am uniquely cool: creative, thoughtful, impactful” helps you realize and accept the truth about yourself. You are a child of the Divine, and gratitude is the natural response to this miracle of life.
Share your gratitude with others. As you keep a list of things you are grateful for, gently encourage friends and family to do the same and share them with one another. A student told me about two friends she meets for lunch every month. Each of them had a habit of opening the conversation with horrific tales of the problems they were having. She suggested a new practice: “First, tell me one good thing that happened to you since last time we met.”
Send a thank-you note each week. How often do you think, “I should thank them,” and then let the idea go? Imagine the joy you could give someone by following through on that impulse. Send a quick email to do this until it becomes a habit; a spiritual practice that generates good vibes for both sender and recipient.

Keeping a gratitude journal is a powerful practice that I highly recommend. In addition to counting your blessings, you can use it to capture more details of your inner life, ponder the events of your outer life, and find ways to deal with the challenges that may be blessings in disguise. The gratitude journal certainly worked for Oprah. In fact, she calls keeping her journal the single most important thing she’s ever done. Now how about you, got gratitude?

Senilicide

February 12, 2016

by Deborah King Domestic Abuse Featured Relationships Uncategorized

Here’s a new word for you: senilicide. Never heard of it? Neither had I, until I started doing some research on elder abuse because of a situation my mother is in at the moment. Senilicide is the killing off of old people. Well, they are the most dispensible in times when there isn’t enough food for everyone. But there are other ways of killing off old folks besides putting them out to sea on that proverbial ice floe. Abandonment in a hospital, for example, rather than letting them die comfortably in their own home. Which is what is happening right now for my mother.

It’s something we all have to think about. Parents get old. They cared for you when you were young, no matter how imperfectly. Heaven knows, my mother was no angel. But don’t they deserve our care and respect at the end of their lives? Most of us will find ourselves in the position of needing to be cared for as the end approaches. How will we be treated?

This has been an upsetting situation for me (as well as for my mother), at a time when I couldn’t do anything about it. I’ve expressed my dilemma in a blog for Psychology Today, called “Facing Senilicide.” You can read it at https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/mining-the-headlines/201602/facing-senilicide and then come over to my Facebook page and comment there. Be the change you want to see in social consciousness – it may be you someday that is saved.

Stuck in neutral?

January 27, 2016

by Deborah King Energy Healing Featured Health Life Coaching Meditation Relationships Truth Heals

Well, I’ve finally gotten around to writing about procrastination. I guess there’s a reason I often repeated Scarlett O’Hara’s words in Gone With The Wind: “I’ll think about it tomorrow. After all, tomorrow is another day.” Indeed, we all do it. We put off till tomorrow what we don’t want to face today. It can go on indefinitely. There are, however, consequences to not moving forward in your life, to not embracing change. Emotions get buried deep inside, trouble ensues.

What’s interesting is that procrastination doesn’t come from laziness. Believe it or not, that “lazy bum” who can’t get off the lounge chair in front of the TV has a lot in common with the spiritual seeker who frequently blows off meditation practice. It all comes down to self-love: loving yourself enough to get into gear and do what you know you have to do in order to be the person you want to be.

So how do you start the ball rolling? How do you finally get off the couch and walk into the rest of your life? That’s what I’ve just written about in a blog for The Huffington Post. You can read it and comment there http://www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-king/what-if-tomorrow-never-co_b_9088122.html?utm_hp_ref=gps-for-the-soul&ir=GPS+for+the+Soul.

Why New Year’s Resolutions Don’t Last: Does your list reflect someone else’s agenda?

December 27, 2015

by Deborah King Featured Relationships

Are you looking for some special inspiration as the New Year approaches? Dreaming of new beginnings and powerful transformations, but wondering just how you’ll make that happen? It feels wonderful to think about the prospect of a fresh start, but do you really want to put yourself on the spot with that same old list of resolutions that never quite work out? Your angels can help! Now is the perfect time to call on the angelic realm for help envisioning a bright future. Those heavenly messengers who love you unconditionally, know your deepest feelings, and have only your best interests at heart, are waiting to hear from you.

How will the angels help? It’s all about finding your truth. The main reason those lists of New Year’s resolutions make you feel worse rather than better is that they usually reflect somebody else’s agenda. Before making such a list, do you ask yourself what you truly want? Do you commune with your soul to find out what is the best next step for your health and happiness? Do you say you want to lose weight, earn more money, or buy a new car because those goals will elevate your spirit? Or are these someone else’s ideas of fabulous feats for the New Year? If your heart isn’t really in these unexamined goals, no wonder they are so hard to achieve.

Your angels can help you look within and discover the true feats of spiritual growth and healing that will make a difference for you in the year ahead including:

Focus on spiritual growth.
Life is busy and spirituality may be something you sometimes set on the back burner. Your angels remind you that spirituality is a precious and pressing concern. Without making time for your spiritual routines and healing practices, you are doing yourself a great disservice. Daily meditation, journaling, taking healing courses, getting outside to connect with nature, staying grounded—these activities are things you need for your health and wellbeing.

Make a fresh start.
Letting go is one of the major tenants of energy healing, and it is a valuable practice at this time of year. Your angels can help you let go of detrimental behaviors, toxic relationships, limiting beliefs, and negative voices. With all that baggage dropped, you can start the next year of your life with a clean slate, a blank page to fill with what you want, what is best for you and your life purpose. Clearing out all that negativity opens up space for fresh positive energy to fill up your chakras and energy field, uplifting you and carrying you toward the light. All angels are angels of energy healing and can help restore your whole being back to its optimal state.

Give so you can receive.
To help yourself, you need to help others. It’s as simple as that. Your angels can help you find ways to be of service, heal your soul, and grow your spiritual consciousness. Being of service is a daily practice, a general selflessness, a shift in perspective so that you are thinking of others before yourself. The angels offer a beautiful example of selfless giving and help show the way. The more you practice, the better you get and the better you feel.

Build Your Angel Contact Time.
Encourage your angels to communicate with you more frequently by maintaining a daily practice of meditation, which opens you up to the heavenly realms by expanding your awareness. Other ways to increase your ability to connect with your angels are spending time communing with nature, keeping your negativity in check by expressing your emotions, and attending healing courses, especially my course on angels of energy healing, to make sure your energy is flowing freely. Just like with any practice, the more you contact your angels, the easier it will become. Soon, you’ll be interacting with your angels every day and enjoying the blessings of their loving attention.

As an energy healer and spiritual teacher, I can’t praise too highly the value of healing your soul this year and calling on your angels for help. If you make heart-felt, authentic resolutions, reflecting your spirit, all your other plans and goals for a Happy New Year are likely to fall into place.

Ready to connect and commune with your angels of energy healing? Guidance, support and unconditional love are already yours – all you have to do is ask, recognize the signs and interpret the messages your angels are sending you right now. Find out more…

3 Important Tips for Talking About Your Gifts with Others

July 7, 2014

by Deborah King Energy Healing Relationships

Imagine this scenario: you’re at a family gathering or a party with friends, and people are talking about their jobs and hobbies, as people do. When the conversation steers your way, you begin to tell them about your passion for energy healing, or your ability to connect with angels, or about meeting your higher self during meditation…but you stop just before the words leave your mouth. Why? Because you’re afraid of revealing a piece of yourself that may not be accepted by your family and friends.

Family, Meet Energy Healing

As a spiritual teacher and master energy healer, I have gotten many questions about how to broach the subject of energy healing with loved ones who are not studying it themselves. Depending on where your family and friends are on their personal spiritual journeys, you may find it difficult to tell them about your esoteric abilities all together! But as energy healing becomes a bigger part of your identity, it’s smart to consider how you will introduce them to this practice and its role in your life.

Growing the Light Inside of You

You are clearly on a spiritual journey—you wouldn’t be interested in energy medicine or reading this blog if you weren’t also interested in raising your consciousness and increasing your connection to Spirit. Perhaps you are working hard at your spiritual evolution like I did—taking in healing courses and workshops, maintaining a practice of daily meditation, studying with master healers and other spiritual teachers, processing old traumas, releasing negative energy, and clearing your chakras—all behaviors I encourage in order to make room for the light in you to grow.

It’s likely that as you’ve progressed through the levels of energy healing and reached higher levels of awareness, your spiritual gifts have appeared or strengthened. Maybe you’ve developed telepathy or the ability to astral travel, maybe your intuition has multiplied, or maybe you can speak with animals.

Great News is Meant to Be Spread

However energy medicine has helped you, whether through a physical, energetic, or emotional healing, or through the deepened connection to your guides, your higher self, and Source, I bet you want to share all the amazing benefits you’ve experienced! The positive outcomes of energy healing, healing courses, and meditation, and the incredible shifts you’ve already felt in your mind, body, and soul, are definitely worth talking about! You’ve experienced how energy medicine changes lives, yet you may still feel hesitant when discussing your esoteric gifts and interests with others.

You Can Only Walk Your Own Path

And not without reason. Our personal challenge as spiritual teachers, leaders, and healing practitioners is that energy medicine has some skeptics out there that we may have to face, and one of those skeptics may be someone you care about. Of course, it’s important to understand that there is nothing wrong with your friend or family member having an opinion that differs from yours. As you raise your consciousness, it becomes easier to accept that each person must walk their own path, even if it’s not the path you would choose.

So if your loved one is traveling a path that looks like an alien landscape to you, how can you open up about your spiritual talents and the transformations you’ve experienced?

Here are a few tips I’ve found to be helpful:

Be authentically you.

If you act out of love and are guided by a developed intuition and your higher self, you will become a beacon of light, a shining example of how life can be lived, and people will notice. Through meditation and energy healing you may have acquired a calmer, more patient demeanor, or a broader, more compassionate perspective, or a lightness in your body and your soul that you will demonstrate simply by living your truth. People will be attracted to your new positive energy, and will begin to ask you what you’re doing that is making you look and feel so great.

Share by example.

The best way to lead is not by force, but by example. When your best friend asks you how you seem to have so much more energy lately or your coworkers comment that you are handling stress so much better these days, this gives you the in you need to mention energy healing or your other spiritual practice or abilities without offending or pushing it. When you allow someone to approach you first, they will be excited to learn your secrets and more receptive to any concepts or practices you’d like to share. Just like you can’t force someone to heal if they don’t truly want to, your loved ones need to be in a space to welcome the information or it will fall on deaf ears.

Internal validation trumps external responses.

It is wonderful when your friends and family accept your spiritual gifts without blinking an eye, and sharing your discovery of energy healing, its benefits, and any other abilities you’ve developed is part of being a light worker. But don’t forget where the real validation comes from: within you, from your higher self and from Spirit.

No matter how your family and friends react to your esoteric skill set and interests, their feelings do not in any way diminish or devalue your gifts or the personal transformations you’ve made and will continue to make. Regardless of who recognizes it, you are part of a spiritual revolution that is helping to raise the consciousness of this planet, so keep your head held high. Know that your higher self and Source are proud of you for being who you are and walking this path of light.

True Love is Closer Than You Think!

February 11, 2014

by Deborah King Featured Relationships Women

Around Valentine’s Day, retailers from Macy’s to Rite Aid start selling love-themed gifts in displays with red and pink heart decorations and images of diaper-clad cupids with their love bows and heart arrows. Bouquets of roses and ads for lingerie, champagne, and chocolates are everywhere. It’s enough to make even the happiest of couples feel pressured to act more romantic. And for those of you who are not currently in a relationship, this candy-coated holiday may leave you feeling more sour than sweet.

But true love is closer than you think. You only need to look in the mirror.

Many of those I help ask me how they can find love. As a trained Energy Healer, I often sense a blockage in the fourth chakra—the heart chakra. With a bit of probing I discover that my client is still affected by a past break-up or rejection, an abusive partner, childhood traumas, and many more emotionally charged events that have settled in their energy field.

Take my student, Paula, for example. I sensed in her energy field a toxic residue from a previous relationship. She had been cheated on repeatedly and lied to by her last partner, a man who finally stomped Paula’s heart into dust and left her broken. That emotionally abusive man also left a psychic wound that prevented Paula from trusting or loving anyone, including herself. As long as that wound went untreated, she would not be open to accepting love, despite how desperately she wanted it. As I helped to heal her heartache, I asked Paula two life-changing questions: Do you love yourself? Do you feel worthy of love?

Tears poured out of Paula’s eyes as she shook her head, no, and she is not alone. It’s amazing how many people answer no to both questions, often in a choked whisper as they realize what this means. How can they ever hope to find love without first loving themselves? How can they allow anyone to love them if they don’t feel they deserve to be loved? Like Paula, these poor students’ hearts are literally frozen; no wonder they can’t find love.

If this sounds like you, please don’t despair. You can still learn to love, and love better, by first learning how to love yourself. Here are five easy steps you can take right now to begin to find your one true love: yourself.

1. Know You Are Worthy of Love

This is the first step. You have to believe that you are loveable, that you deserve to be loved. In my healing courses and workshops, I help you understand that no matter what your mom or dad or first crush or high school boyfriend or first partner said or did that made you feel unworthy of love—they are wrong. I cannot comment on their issues, but I can tell you that you deserve love. You are already loved by the Divine, constantly and unconditionally, and knowing this is the gateway to being able to accept love first from yourself, and then from others.

2. Forgive Your Imperfect Self

We are often more willing to forgive others for their mistakes than ourselves. Many of my students are their own harshest critics, making lists of perceived failures and other reasons they are “not good enough” to be loved, and creating a self-perpetuating cycle of rejection and loneliness. You are not perfect, but no one is. Forgive yourself for those past errors, accept yourself for who you are, and live with positive intentions.

3. Practice Self-Love

This might sound strange to those of you who were taught that loving yourself was the same as bragging; that you were selfish if you took care of your own needs first. But love is like emergency oxygen masks in an airplane: just as you must put on your own mask before assisting others, you must love yourself first in order to love others next. So begin each day by practicing self-love. Breathe love in before you get out of bed. Use a journal to keep track of moments you’re proud of, or make a list of your strengths. If you keep a gratitude list (which I highly recommend) be sure to add things about yourself you are thankful for. Love yourself as you are—an imperfect being moving toward the light.

4. Work on Your Spiritual Development

Connecting to the infinite love of Source will help you connect to earthly love as well. Begin with a daily practice of meditation and not only will you begin to experience a sense of calm and peace, you will also attune your body, mind, and soul to an energy that can begin to clear your emotional blocks. Developing your spiritual practice, whatever that means for you, can open your chakras so that you can accept the love that is sure to come your way.

5. Get Rid of Toxic Relationships

Toxic relationships are like black mold to your energy field. Once that negativity gets a foothold, it will spread and spread until it has choked off your access to the light. And like with black mold, it’s not enough to clear away each flare-up, you need to cut it off at the root. If possible, remove yourself from the abusive partner or friend who disguises insults as compliments. If elimination is not possible, protect yourself spiritually by creating a psychic shield.

The truth of the season is that you are your one and only true love—so indulge in a little soul pampering and be sweet to yourself. Let Valentine’s Day be a catalyst for your own self-love rituals. You may even want to take yourself on a moonlit beach walk or buy yourself a special outfit. And if you want it, external love won’t be far behind.

Who Rescued Who?

November 4, 2013

by Deborah King Pets Relationships

Until one has loved an animal a part of one’s soul remains unawakened. ~Anatole France

There are so many benefits to having a pet that it’s hard to count them all! Pets provide us with unconditional love, motivate us to play and exercise, and keep depression and loneliness at bay. People with pets live longer, spend less time at the doctor’s office, and are happier overall, and it’s certainly not a one way street – our pets benefit from the arrangement, too! The other day, I saw a bumper sticker on a car that made this point perfectly. Inside a big paw print were the words “who rescued who?”

That bumper sticker made me think of Ida, a neighbor I had years ago. When I met her, she was in her mid-nineties. Her independent and cheerful spirit immediately struck me – she was entirely self-sufficient, and lived alone with only her ancient Pomeranian, Princess, for company. Princess gave Ida an excuse to get out and interact with the world several times a day. Everyone in the neighborhood was used to seeing the little grey-haired woman and her tiny, teetering dog making their way along the street. These walks kept them both active, healthy, and in touch with their neighbors, who kept an eye out every day to make sure that Ida and Princess made their scheduled rounds. The two friends carried on for years, living in their little house, until, as if they had agreed that it was time, Princess passed away, and a few days later, Ida, at 98, followed. The two were so devoted to each other, I could never figure out who was taking care of whom!

As a spiritual teacher, I know that one of the most powerful forces in the universe is unconditional love. If you provide your pets with food, shelter, affection, and medical care, they will pay you back by supplying you with unconditional love and a sense of purpose, both of which are crucial for anyone, especially those who are out of work, living alone, or just feeling down in the dumps. Pets combat feelings of loneliness by providing companionship, which can boost your overall mood and bring you feelings of joy and happiness. At my healing courses, I can always tell which attendees have a pet and which do not. Your apartment doesn’t allow an animal? Then try an aquarium; fish are pets too!

Or course, the elderly aren’t the only ones who benefit from having pets. In fact, pet ownership is great practice for any serious, committed relationship. Here are some important relationship skills that you probably already use on your pets. Try some of these and I guarantee that you, your pet, and your “human” relationships will benefit!

Unconditional love starts with a warm greeting! Even on bad days, we greet our pets with a warm hello, a pat on the head, or a hug. Of course it helps that they are always so happy to see us! This is a terrific example of the fact that “you get what you give.” Your pet gives you something very positive that reinforces the love and connection that they get back from you. Do you greet your significant other with the same enthusiasm after a long day at work?

Tune in and develop your listening skills. You can practice this basic energy healing technique to sense what your pet has to say. They will always tell you what their problem is if you just tune in and listen. When you’re sitting quietly with your pet, with no TV or computer on, simply intend to open to whatever your pet wants to tell you. Touch your pet gently, and you may “hear” or “know” what your dog or cat has to say. Now put these same intuitive skills to work when dealing with the people in your life!

Practice the art of forgiveness. When our pets make mistakes, we don’t take it personally and are quick to forgive. It’s easy to give pets the benefit of the doubt when they look at us with their big, soulful eyes! Remember that feeling when your partner does something wrong, and pause for a moment before you react with anger and blame!

Having a pet is a beautiful way to share the light of unconditional love with your pet and everyone else in your life. If you are ready to open your heart, live a happier and healthier life, and hone your relationship skills so you can be a better friend, parent, or spouse . . . get a pet!

Simple Acts of Kindness

November 20, 2012

by Deborah King Events Relationships

You can have Thanksgiving with or without turkey but you can’t have Thanksgiving without expressing gratitude. Simple acts of kindness were very visible in the days and weeks following Superstorm Sandy. Everyone thinks of New Yorkers and Jersey-ites as tough folk, but they were as busy thinking about their neighbors as about themselves in the aftermath of this catastrophic event.

It’s hard to imagine the “city that never sleeps” being totally dark below 40^th Street. No power, which means no hot shower, no hot food, no heat, no elevators, no land line phones, no computer, no TV, no gas available for the car, and no way to charge the cell phone when texting is the only means of communication. So what happened?

A New York startup company named Moxy set up a cell-phone charging station that also broadcast Wi-Fi at a branch of Chase bank. Duracell, the battery company, drove its trucks into battered Battery Park with phone chargers and internet accessible laptops. Homes that had power set up extension cords and power strips so passersby could charge their phones. Even the CNN news truck that Anderson Cooper was working out of in the devastated city of Hoboken shared power for people to charge their phones and get online to assure loved ones of their safety. Gyms that had power opened their doors free to non-members so they could have showers and at least get in a work-out. Some doctors set out signs on the street offering free medical care. Various restaurants offered free meals. Individuals set up tables filled with snacks, or hot coffee. People whose homes had power brought in friends and sometimes total strangers to share a meal, a hot shower, or a place to sleep. A large veterinary practice offered free office visits for traumatized pets. Whole Foods set out free provisions. Everyone pitched in. Rather than further burdening official rescue workers, some private citizens took jet skis or row boats or even inflated air mattresses to bring stranded storm victims to dry land. Facebook and Twitter were flooded with offers of shelter and hot showers.

Why does it take an event of this magnitude to bring out the best in us?

It’s so easy to do something small and simple that can bring a smile to someone’s face, can lighten someone’s burden for a moment or two, or can actually change someone’s life. Here are 25 suggestions for simple acts of kindness:

Help someone who is struggling with old age or heavy bags to cross the street.
Stand up for someone who is being bullied.
Offer to buy a meal for a homeless person.
Pay the toll for the car behind you.
For your birthday, get the same number of dollar bills as your age and hand them out during the day.
Spread holiday cheer by paying for strangers to fill up their cars with gas.
Post a request on social media for a homebound invalid to receive cards and well wishes.
Stop to help an animal that has been injured.
Stand near a busy street holding a sign that says “Love.”
Put some coins in someone else’s parking meter.
Send someone a note of thanks.
Pay for the drinks or food at the next table in a restaurant.
Give a big tip to someone who doesn’t expect it.
Pick up trash instead of ignoring it.
Compliment someone.
Give another driver your parking spot.
Let a car in front of you in traffic.
Tell your family members or your co-workers or boss how much you appreciate them.
Leave a book on a train or bus for someone else to read.
Let that harried mother go ahead of you on line in the grocery store.
Thank the people in your community who make a difference—the police, firemen, teachers, nurses, bus drivers . . .
Cheer up the lonely.
Clean up graffiti.
Adopt a soldier.
Smile.

Put the thanks back in Thanksgiving. You’ll be amazed at how doing something as small as smiling at a store clerk or sincerely thanking the person who prepared your holiday meal can make you feel better about yourself and the world. For my part, let me thank you for your willingness to work on yourselves and your interest in healing and higher consciousness.

Tips for True Friendship

May 21, 2012

by Deborah King Relationships

“The language of friendship is not words but meanings.” ~ Henry David Thoreau

In today’s busy world, supporting and feeding a healthy friendship is not always as easy as it sounds, but it is important that you take the time to make friends, to keep friends, and to be a good friend. As the Beatles song goes, we all get by with a little help from our friends, and that could not be truer! We all need help sometimes and other times, we are needed to help others. Knowing how to be a good friend is the best way to keep a good friend!

Here are some ways you can give and receive the gift of true friendship and nurture your higher self:

Make the time.
We are all busy and have a gazillion things on our ‘to do’ plate. It’s not quantity of friends, but quality that defines true friendship, so instead of having two seconds for thirty “casual” friends, why not invest real time with a select group of close friends who are willing to carve out the time for you too? Plan activities in advance and when you really don’t have the time, consider sending a quick email or text to let your friend know you are thinking of them. You will find when you are on the receiving end of this gesture, it can go a long way in brightening your stressful day!
Don’t keep score.
True friendship is a two-way street. Don’t be a taker and only call your friend for favors – that kind of behavior will lead to an abusive relationship. Be a giver and do favors for your friends before they even think to ask. Giving truly does feel so much better than receiving. Your soul and higher self will thank you for it.
Be present, honest and real.
When you are with your friend, be in the moment. Don’t check your iPhone or blackberry every five minutes over dinner, don’t fall into the habit of not listening (you know that reply of “uh huh” that comes out automatically when you aren’t paying attention….), and don’t hide your feelings from your friend. One of the benefits of true friendship is being able to share feelings and validate each other’s feelings. Open your heart chakra and your higher self and let those feelings in!
Don’t let your ego control you.
The ego is very powerful. Make sure you are grounded (daily meditation and journaling can help you) and try to keep your chakras balanced. Take care of yourself emotionally, physically and spiritually, and you will be better able to help others take care of themselves as well. Don’t let all your own issues get in the way of true friendship.
Support your friend, even if you don’t support their situation.
This is one of the most valuable and useful tips I can offer you. There are several instances when you may disagree with choices your friend has made, relationships in their life, or situations they are in. Supporting your friend does not mean you need to back up their choice or be in agreement with every situation they are in – but it does mean you can still give and receive true friendship. You can still love and appreciate your friend and offer support in the form of “I don’t love the situation you are in, but I still love you and am here for you.” Forcing your friend to choose when they may already be in a compromised or difficult situation will not help your friend or your friendship with this friend. And try to avoid saying “I told you so” after the fact…
Don’t ditch out when the going gets rough.
Everyone has rough patches and tough times in their lives. Maybe you haven’t had a really bad year yet, but you cannot plan when things will go south. Having a true friend by your side can make all the difference in the world as to how you emerge on the other end of your ordeal. So why not be that friend as well? Help your friend conquer their demons and trials and let them know they are not alone.
Accept the whole person.
No one is perfect – not even you! Listen to your higher self and get rid of those unrealistic expectations you have of perfection. Realize that your friend is going to have some flaws. Accept your friend for who they are –the good and the bad – and allow them to see your whole you – the good and the bad. Only then can you have the real truth of who you each are, and be able to experience, appreciate and love true friendship openly and honestly.

Ending Sexual Violence

April 3, 2012

by Deborah King Relationships

Most of you know or have read in my book, Truth Heals, about my personal stories of sexual abuse and assault as a young girl by both my father and my priest, so it should come as no surprise that the issue of sexual assault and violence is very close to my heart, and one of which I continuously share knowledge and awareness.

So as we begin a fresh month with April, I would like to bring this very important issue to the forefront of everyone’s minds – both men and women – and highlight this year’s Sexual Assault Awareness Month theme of creating healthy sexuality. I love that this year’s theme is one that promotes positive sexuality and a healthy mind, soul, and body, as this positive message is paramount to creating a better attitude and mindset for current and future generations. In sharing this theme with you, I hope you will pay it forward and share with everyone you know, and that together, we can create a society which will have the skills, clarity, and wisdom to put an end to all sexual violence once and for all.

Sticks and Stones: Words DO hurt.

March 11, 2012

by Deborah King Be Your Own Shaman Health Relationships Truth Heals

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.

We have all heard this expression as kids. While this may have seemed like a great tactic to use on the playground in self-defense, words actually CAN and DO hurt. And the pain caused from them often lingers long past the healing time of any cut or broken bone. Some words can cause pain that may never go away, or create an “invisible” scar that one carries around their entire life. The memory of painful words can lead to a lifetime of anxiety, stress, anger, resentment, and fear, among other feelings.

In today’s modern, western society of free thinking and free speech – both wonderful rights which we are blessed to have – we now have the tools to use our words to make an even deeper impact and reach an even broader audience. On the bright side, we can spread a message of peace, love and tranquility to the world. We can put kind posts on Facebook walls and support each other from afar. We can use our words in a supportive, nurturing manner to make someone feel good about themselves. We have the power to use our words to make others happy.

At the opposite spectrum, we can hurt each other on an even deeper level than ever before, with just our words. Sadly, many kids today don’t just use mean names on the playground as a form of bullying. They now use the power of the Internet to post terrible, hateful words they may not have ever even dared to utter in person – words so hurtful and cruel that several kids with bright futures have turned to suicide to escape from them. The tragedy of cyberbullying has become so widespread that there is now new legislation being drafted to combat it.

Your words can cause harm.

Too often, we may say something without thought. We may believe what we are saying is right and believe are words will help. In fact, we can still cause damage with our words.

We may be challenging a person’s way of thinking or actions. While we may all be speaking the same language, words can be misinterpreted or misread. Sometimes clarification or further questioning is needed to understand the meaning behind the words. Despite our best intentions, we can still cause pain with our words.

Do you keep track of how many times you say something that can hurt someone else? Who doesn’t repeat a little bit of gossip here and there? Whether it’s true or false, we can still cause harm with our words.

Watch what you say, say what you mean, and mean what you say.

We are all inevitably prone to hurting someone with our words, even when it is unintentional. No one can live their life walking on eggshells every single day – that is just not realistic. But one choice we can all make is to be aware of what we are saying and its impact on others. After all, words have started and ended wars.

We can think before we speak and choose words that we actually truly mean to use. Think about how your words will sound and be interpreted by the recipient.

Silence can be golden.

Ask yourself, do I really mean to say what I am saying, or am I too rushed or careless right now for the right words? Sometimes it’s best to say nothing at all! And ask yourself, are the words you want to speak necessary for someone to hear, or are you suppressing emotions of your own and looking for an outlet to let them out? Are you healing emotional hurt of your own and seeking a place to take it out on someone else?

Think before you speak and know that you do not always have to fill the silence.

Choose words for kindness.

Be the better person, connect to your higher self and make a point to use your words to make others feel good, not bad.

As Blaise Pascal wrote, “Kind words do not cost much. They never blister the tongue or lips. They make other people good-natured. They also produce their own image on men’s souls, and a beautiful image it is.”

Choose to be one who makes a beautiful image.

Healing Your Pets

November 30, 2011

by Deborah King Pets Relationships

How to heal your pets with energy

Our pets are truly life companions that are there to support us just as much as we are there to support them. You can create a mutually beneficial and healing relationship with your pet and offer your animal companion exactly what it needs – you just need to learn to accept its communication.

Here are just a few quick tips…

Even if you’re not sure what your pet is trying to communicate to you, you can still move forward to healing them with touch. Animals are far more responsive than humans to touch because they are less blocked than we are.

If you feel your pet is in need of healing, you can place your hands on the animal and focus healing energy their way. This doesn’t replace the treatment or procedures your vet may be doing for the animal, but will complement them.

Healing can also be done at a distance. As you probably already know, animals are extremely sensitive to any changes in their energy field and respond incredibly well to healing touch.

How Do You Heal Your Pet With Touch?

Here is a simple way to create a daily routine of healing your pets through touch.

Close your eyes and take a deep breath. Rub your hands together until they are warm and tingling.
Visualize a healing light flowing from your hands into your cat or dog, as you focus your love for your pet into the flow of energy.
Try doing this for ten minutes a day.

And even though the word is visualization, it’s really the feeling that’s important, not anything you might or might not be seeing.

Healing Your Pets With Sound

Animals also respond to sound healing.

They hear more octaves and tones than humans do and are very affected by soothing calm music, which reduces their pain and anxiety.

Tibetan singing bowls can generate tones that particularly affect animals in a beneficial way.

Master Your Pet Healing Skills

Just as you would with your own children, feel free to explore other types of healing for your pets.

In the end, you are the very best judge of what they need. Use your intuition and know in your heart that you are helping them.

With a bit of knowledge and practice, you can master these healing skills, you can fulfill your pet’s needs, and you can may even realize that you have more than one life to share with your dear companion.

If you’d like to fast-track your learning and mastering of these skills, consider our Communicating with Pets and Animals course. It will provide you with all the valuable information you need to become the kind of healer that your pet needs. Click here to learn more >>

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How Do You Heal Your Pet With Touch?

Healing Your Pets With Sound

Master Your Pet Healing Skills