An Open Letter to Bill Cosby’s Legal Team



Are Bill Cosby’s lawyers working to defend their client’s name… or drag potential rape victims through the mud publicly?


More and more, it seems to be the latter. Despite the fact that there are now some 20 women accusing Mr. Cosby of sexual assault – and the list seems to be growing on a day-to-day basis – his lawyers continue to insist the claims are “old” and “ridiculous.” They ignore what could be an important truth and heap scrutiny and pressure on those who may have been victimized by their client.




As a fellow attorney and a recovered sexual assault survivor, I’ve written an open letter to Mr. Cosby’s legal team. In it, I explain why it sometimes takes the truth so long to get out, the myriad struggles these women could be going through, and why blaming the victim isn’t just a poor strategy, but also ethically bankrupt.


Follow this link to Psychology Today to see what kind of advice I have for Bill and his lawyers, the media, and society at large.



Is Bill Cosby a Serial Rapist?


That’s the question being asked on TV news and leading websites across the country. Only a handful of people know the truth, but Bill Cosby’s accusers are now more than a dozen strong, and the stories they tell are strikingly similar to one another.


Maybe the real question isn’t whether or not he’s guilty, but what it means to young women everywhere if he’s been able to suppress these crimes for decades on end. He’s certainly not the first celebrity to be accused of sexual assault, and other Hollywood heavyweights have experienced little or no damage to their careers as a result of similar allegations. That sends a louder message than any headline ever could.




The allegations against Cosby are being treated as entertainment – it’s “good TV” it to see a high-profile comedian with a clean cut image linked with a sex scandal – but there are more important issues to consider. In this post, I discuss how Bill Cosby appears to be hiding behind his fame and money to prevent an important truth from coming to light.


Top 5 Steps to Becoming the Real You



Do you remember the first time you consciously told a lie, even though you knew it was wrong? Most likely it was to a parent, teacher, or other authority figure, and it was probably triggered by fear. How did you feel after the lie was told? Guilty, shameful, scared? Did it fester inside you until you admitted the truth, or did you stay with the lie?

Lying is a Defense Mechanism

As a child, you probably lied to protect yourself; you lied to a parent to get out of trouble or to a teacher to avoid public ridicule. As an adult, you may have lied to your partner, usually about either sex or money. But lying to others is only half the equation; that defense mechanism also includes lying to yourself. You may tell yourself that you’re fine, even when you feel crushed. No, that rejection didn’t hurt. I didn’t really care about that promotion or that relationship anyway.

You may tell yourself that your feelings are “unacceptable,” or that you “owe” it to a loved one to behave a certain way or follow a certain path. You may even convince yourself that someone else’s dream is really your own. But all of these lies create little pockets of darkness inside; they’re like cancer cells that fester and multiply until the truth comes out. That’s what happened to me: the sexual abuse that I couldn’t acknowledge even to myself became a diagnosis of cancer in my twenties.


Live Your Authentic Self

When you suppress your true feelings or follow a path that isn’t really yours, you aren’t living your authentic self. Your soul made a plan for this life before you incarnated, and that plan is your true life purpose. Acting in line with your life purpose is one way to live in the light, another step on the path toward expanded consciousness.

As an energy healer and spiritual teacher, I often see students doing their best to live in the light, but they keep hitting roadblocks. These students may practice meditation, they connect with nature, they participate in energy healing, but they may be still not getting the results they desire. When I look at their energy field, I can see that they are living a lie.

Perhaps they are gay but keeping it a secret; perhaps they want a divorce but are too afraid to upset the family; or their career was the dream of a parent and not what they wanted for themselves. As soon as they can admit the truth to themselves, the real healing can begin.




Unmask the True You

One of the greatest gifts of energy healing is its ability to reveal the true you. Just like those students, you, too, can admit the truth and take a big step toward living authentically.

Here are five ways to live your most authentic life:

  1. Find your authentic self.

In order to live as your true self, you first have to find out who that is. There is an entire spiritual practice based on a seemingly simply question: Who am I? Are you really any of your labels—daughter, partner, mother, sibling, teacher? Are you your job? Who are you if you are not any of your societal roles? As the practice takes you deeper and deeper into meditating upon who you are not, eventually you come to realize that who you are is a soul, a spiritual being connected to Source. Indeed, you are Spirit. This is the deepest level of understanding your authentic self.

Even knowing you are Spirit, you still need to live in the world as authentically as possible. Ask yourself: what makes you feel joy? What are your passions? Your strengths? Your weaknesses? What qualities would you like to cultivate in yourself? What do you want? What makes you feel free? What would you fight for? What values are important to you? This last one is particularly important, as your actions should be in line with the principles you want to live by. When you know what you want and what you care about in this world, then it’s much easier to be authentic.

  1. Express your truth.

The first step is admitting your truth to yourself, and the next step is expressing it. Even if you can’t yet speak your true feelings or beliefs aloud, write them in your journal. Eventually you may be able to say what you think and feel to the important people in your life. A heavy weight lifts when you admit your truth. Imagine how great it feels to have your loved ones love the real you! A friend of mine recently admitted, first to himself and then to his family and friends, that living as a male was a lie and his most authentic self was really female. It took a lot of soul searching and bravery, but decades of unhappiness lifted as he started his transition, and now “he” is happy and proud to a “she.”




  1. Confront your fear.

Often the truth that you keep hidden is directly related to fear. Maybe you worry your loved ones will reject you or cut you from their life if they know the truth. You might fear isolation, loneliness, anger, or even attack, but if you keep repressing your feelings, they can become lodged in your chakras and create mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual problems much worse than the possible repercussions of expressing the truth. Many students come to my healing courses and workshops looking for relief from pain, but what they also find is relief from the constant struggle of dealing with fear.

  1. Discover what you truly believe.

Energy medicine will help you dig down and discover what you really believe, rather than what you were taught to believe. As a child, you soaked up every tidbit from your parents, teachers, and the culture at large. You learned things like “boys don’t cry” or “girls must be seen but not heard,” or more personal messages, like “you must follow in the family business.” A large part of becoming your true self is figuring out what it is you truly believe, and what beliefs are not true for you and should be discarded.

  1. Trust your gut.

The messages you get from your gut come from your higher self, which knows your soul purpose in this life. When you need to make a decision, listen to your gut. Your body doesn’t lie, and following its direction will steer you toward the course you are meant to travel.

People who live as their true selves are happier, healthier, and don’t carry the heavy burden of living through lies. Energy medicine will facilitate your ability to hear your intuition, express and release old emotions and traumas, and connect you to your higher self—all of which move you toward becoming your true, authentic self.




Pets or Partners?



Do we choose the animals in our lives, or is it the other way around?


A friend of mine once had a cat show up outside her door on the same day she found out she had breast cancer. She hadn’t been looking for a cat, but he moved right into the house as her companion and became her new best friend.


You hear the same thing all the time from dog and cat owners who will tell you they weren’t looking for a pet, but were simply “adopted by” an animal and couldn’t let them go.


I was actually looking for a horse when I first met Influence, my Dutch Warmblood. For more than a year, I had been riding stable horses, but wanted a horse of my own to love. As I tried to narrow the list, I sent my Vedic astrologer three horse names from every weekend search. Unfortunately, he rejected them all, telling me to be patient, my horse was out there.




Just when it seemed like I would never have a horse of my own, I met Influence at a horse show. He was huge – 1,600 pounds – and black with a white blaze on his forehead and four matching white socks. As I watched him being unloaded from the trailer, I could tell instantly how calm he was, even while many of his counterparts jumped out and were difficult to control. To my surprise, the owner told me this show was his first time away from the farm, and that he’d never been saddled.


As Influence and I looked at each other across the stall railing, I could only describe myself as smitten. He must’ve felt the same, because I heard him ask me very clearly in my mind to take him home. Even my astrologer agreed, telling me “this is the one you’ve been waiting for,” but warned me not to bring him home right away since he was at risk for an injury in the next few weeks.


Like a lot of us, I ask for advice I don’t necessarily follow, so it’s probably no surprise that I brought Influence back to our ranch, in the wilds of the Sierra Nevada Mountains near Lake Tahoe, right away.




Sure enough, three days after I brought him home, I peered out the window and saw him looking frightened. Influence was holding up his front leg and blood was spurting out – the sure sign of a serious injury. My vet warned me that he’d probably never be “sound” again, but I took him to a clinic anyway.


That turned out to be a good thing, because not only did it save my horse, but he went on to recover fully. In fact, just a year later I took him to a breeding show and he won the top award for the finest conformation in North America. “Don’t let that go to your head,” I cautioned him. “Pretty is as pretty does!”


Together, Influence and I were a green horse with a green rider… absolutely the worst combination there is, according to the experts. When I look back now, it occurs to me that I never actually became Influence’s master. Instead, we were like classmates together. We were best friends.


I took Influence everywhere with me: to the doctor, the dentist, the supermarket. Whenever I would return to my truck, he would be there, patiently waiting for me. He became the child I never had. After a peacock suddenly flew out of the trees one day as we rode by and he reared, unceremoniously dumping me on the ground, I wanted him to be “spook proof” so I could fulfill the old adage of always keeping the horse between me and the ground. To that end, I got him nearly every animal on the planet and we raised them together: our dearly beloved pig, a billy goat who chased us around the ring while we rode, Bessie, the black and white milk cow that I bottle raised from infancy, chickens, ducks, a dozen llamas, and a pond of fish. Despite his size, Influence was very gentle and loving with the other creatures.


All of our vacations for the next 25 years centered around where Influence wanted to go: one summer we trained with Jane Fonda at her ranch in Montana, another at a Healing Touch workshop on the Pacific Coast, and countless trips centered on horse shows around the country where we got to play dress-up together.


His stall had a sliding door that faced into my office so even when I was working, we were together. If he got sick, I slept in a hammock in his stall. What can I say? These are the things you do for a good friend.



Influence taught me how to talk to the animals. I had only been riding him about a week when, one day, we found ourselves out in the desert for a short walk. I can still remember him saying to me – quite clearly – “It’s too hot out here and my feet hurt.” As if to reinforce the point, he gave me a cute look that said, That’s right, you heard me.


He’s also spoken up on other occasions. For instance, he used to complain how it wasn’t fair that the dog got to come inside and he didn’t, saying, “I’d be perfectly happy sitting on the couch and eating popcorn, too.”


The first time he ever saw me ride another horse, he got so upset, he turned his big behind to me, and refused to speak to me for the rest of the day. Animals have feelings too!


Perhaps the most important lesson I’ve learned from my horse, though, was when I figured out he was staying with me because he wanted to, not because he was fenced in. One day, as I was walking another horse around and feeding him carrots, Influence jumped his fence and cantered over to us with no effort at all, flouncing his tail and prancing in circles around us. He made it clear that he was angry when I fed treats to another horse and not him. Apparently you can be a good Influence and still have a bit of jealousy now and then.


At the same time, he made the instant point that he could leave anytime he wanted to. That actually made me feel better about our friendship than anything else.


Over the years, I have learned so much from Influence. He showed me how to move as one with him in performing the difficult movements of dressage, and then on a deeper level, took me down a path of studying the energetics of animals and learning to communicate with them telepathically. Best of all, he taught me about the unconditional love that can exist in the natural world when we’re open to receiving it.


I’m so thankful to Influence for choosing me.