Around Valentine’s Day, retailers from Macy’s to Rite Aid start selling love-themed gifts in displays with red and pink heart decorations and images of diaper-clad cupids with their love bows and heart arrows. Bouquets of roses and ads for lingerie, champagne, and chocolates are everywhere. It’s enough to make even the happiest of couples feel pressured to act more romantic. And for those of you who are not currently in a relationship, this candy-coated holiday may leave you feeling more sour than sweet.
But true love is closer than you think. You only need to look in the mirror.
Many of those I help ask me how they can find love. As a trained Energy Healer, I often sense a blockage in the fourth chakra—the heart chakra. With a bit of probing I discover that my client is still affected by a past break-up or rejection, an abusive partner, childhood traumas, and many more emotionally charged events that have settled in their energy field.
Take my student, Paula, for example. I sensed in her energy field a toxic residue from a previous relationship. She had been cheated on repeatedly and lied to by her last partner, a man who finally stomped Paula’s heart into dust and left her broken. That emotionally abusive man also left a psychic wound that prevented Paula from trusting or loving anyone, including herself. As long as that wound went untreated, she would not be open to accepting love, despite how desperately she wanted it. As I helped to heal her heartache, I asked Paula two life-changing questions: Do you love yourself? Do you feel worthy of love?
Tears poured out of Paula’s eyes as she shook her head, no, and she is not alone. It’s amazing how many people answer no to both questions, often in a choked whisper as they realize what this means. How can they ever hope to find love without first loving themselves? How can they allow anyone to love them if they don’t feel they deserve to be loved? Like Paula, these poor students’ hearts are literally frozen; no wonder they can’t find love.
If this sounds like you, please don’t despair. You can still learn to love, and love better, by first learning how to love yourself. Here are five easy steps you can take right now to begin to find your one true love: yourself.
1. Know You Are Worthy of Love
This is the first step. You have to believe that you are loveable, that you deserve to be loved. In my healing courses and workshops, I help you understand that no matter what your mom or dad or first crush or high school boyfriend or first partner said or did that made you feel unworthy of love—they are wrong. I cannot comment on their issues, but I can tell you that you deserve love. You are already loved by the Divine, constantly and unconditionally, and knowing this is the gateway to being able to accept love first from yourself, and then from others.
2. Forgive Your Imperfect Self
We are often more willing to forgive others for their mistakes than ourselves. Many of my students are their own harshest critics, making lists of perceived failures and other reasons they are “not good enough” to be loved, and creating a self-perpetuating cycle of rejection and loneliness. You are not perfect, but no one is. Forgive yourself for those past errors, accept yourself for who you are, and live with positive intentions.
3. Practice Self-Love
This might sound strange to those of you who were taught that loving yourself was the same as bragging; that you were selfish if you took care of your own needs first. But love is like emergency oxygen masks in an airplane: just as you must put on your own mask before assisting others, you must love yourself first in order to love others next. So begin each day by practicing self-love. Breathe love in before you get out of bed. Use a journal to keep track of moments you’re proud of, or make a list of your strengths. If you keep a gratitude list (which I highly recommend) be sure to add things about yourself you are thankful for. Love yourself as you are—an imperfect being moving toward the light.
4. Work on Your Spiritual Development
Connecting to the infinite love of Source will help you connect to earthly love as well. Begin with a daily practice of meditation and not only will you begin to experience a sense of calm and peace, you will also attune your body, mind, and soul to an energy that can begin to clear your emotional blocks. Developing your spiritual practice, whatever that means for you, can open your chakras so that you can accept the love that is sure to come your way.
5. Get Rid of Toxic Relationships
Toxic relationships are like black mold to your energy field. Once that negativity gets a foothold, it will spread and spread until it has choked off your access to the light. And like with black mold, it’s not enough to clear away each flare-up, you need to cut it off at the root. If possible, remove yourself from the abusive partner or friend who disguises insults as compliments. If elimination is not possible, protect yourself spiritually by creating a psychic shield.
The truth of the season is that you are your one and only true love—so indulge in a little soul pampering and be sweet to yourself. Let Valentine’s Day be a catalyst for your own self-love rituals. You may even want to take yourself on a moonlit beach walk or buy yourself a special outfit. And if you want it, external love won’t be far behind.