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Leave the technology behind, for a few moments . .

by Life Coaching

What brought you to the point where you were ready to start the work of healing yourself? Was it a betrayal of some kind or a relationship crisis? Maybe it was a health scare, or simply a nagging desire for spiritual growth? What’s most important is that you are willing to face your personal emotional stew instead of burying those feelings. It means that you need some time and space to bring forth your emotional baggage—you know, the stuff that needs to be emptied out so your energy can flow more freely.

I bet you feel a sense of time pressure. We all are racing around with our noses buried in our latest tech gadget, making it very hard for us to live in the present moment. It was different before all the technology that we think is supposed to save us time. All of this equipment, in fact, makes us work longer hours because there is no getting away from it.

You have to give yourself the space in which to do inner work. Here is a technique that only take 10 minutes that helps you into the present moment and creates an inner spaciousness.

Spend 10 minutes outdoors. Most of us work under artificial light a lot of the time and use electronic devices that create disturbances in our energy field—phones, computers, pads and pods, television, microwaves. When we do go outside, we are either in the car or protecting ourselves so carefully that we rarely get any direct sunlight on our bodies. This creates a lot of abnormality in our metabolic functions and our sleep.

It doesn’t matter if the weather is bad or if you live in a city, the key is to feel nature for a moment. In a city, look at the sky and listen to the birds. When in the country, walk barefoot on grass or at the beach. Eat your lunch sitting with your back against a tree.

By spending ten minutes a day reconnecting with nature, you can get back a feeling of calm. When you are in a state of relaxation for ten minutes or more, you can get in touch with feelings that you have pushed down in your body. You will realize that you are actually upset about the conversation you had with your mother yesterday or the argument you had at work with somebody the week before or maybe a divorce that you experienced ten years ago. And those are all fertile emotional ground for your healing.

It’s summertime – go outside for a few minutes and enjoy!

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Fathers and Daughters

by Uncategorized

A woman’s relationship with her father is a key element in how she grows up. Did she know that Daddy loved her? Was he there for her skinned knees and broken heart? Did he instill a sense that she could do anything she set her mind to? Or was he absent from her immediate family? Did she feel replaced, shoved aside by younger, cuter, smarter half-siblings? Did she see him batter her mother? Was he verbally abusive? There are endless possibilities for how this vital relationship plays out and the consequences it produces.

I always knew that my father loved me. Unfortunately, his love for me was complicated by sexual abuse. It took many years of deep spiritual practice, reams of journaling, and learning specific shamanic techniques for cutting the negative cords between us before I was able to clarify internally our complex relationship.

Whatever your relationship has been with your father, it’s never too late to change it for the better. It’s a relationship that always lives inside you, so even if your father has passed on, you can still work on it.

Read my blog on HuffPo about managing to love your father in “Three Ways to Keep Loving Your Father, No Matter What” at https://www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-king/fathers-day-forgiveness_b_875873.html.

Hope you “like” it!

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Shame on Him, Not on You

by CelebritiesSocial ActivismTruth Heals

Powerful men in the public eye seem to think they can have their way and get away with it all. But eventually they get caught, and the litany of their lies and excuses is embarrassing. Just look at the apologies offered by Anthony Weiner, DSK (the Frenchman vs. the hotel maid), John Edwards, Eliot Spitzer, Arnold Schwarzenagger, Bill Clinton, and a host of others over the years.

Some broke the law, like Edwards using campaign money to fund his trysts, while others simply lost the public trust and broke their wives’ hearts. These woman had to deal with public humiliation as well as with their private suffering over their husbands’ betrayals.

Read my blog, “Weiner: Shame on Him, Not on Huma,” in the Huffington Post at http://www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-king/weinershame-on-him-not-on_b_873436.html for more on this topic and be sure to comment on it there; would love to bring this shameful behavior more into the open, where it can be healed.

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Crazy busy?

by Uncategorized

Crazy busy?

You know the feeling—you seem to be running all day long. You just managed to file for a tax extension in the nick of time, your kid’s after-school schedule requires endless hours of driving, your mom just went in for surgery, and your dog is starting to chew up the house since you barely have time to walk him. Needless to say, you’ve been distracted at work and your boss is starting to notice, and you can’t afford to lose this job.

You’re crazy busy. And in the midst of it all, how are you supposed to find time for yourself?

By squeezing out an extra ten minutes in the morning when you first wake up so you can meditate, you’ll find that everything in your life runs more smoothly. And you’ll enjoy a feeling of internal spaciousness, no matter how jam-packed your day is.

Check out my blog, “Busy? 5 Ways to Make Time for Meditation,” in the Huffington Post www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-king/meditation Even better, leave a comment there so we can connect!

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Romance is alive and well

by Celebrities

How do I know that? Because 23 million Americans tuned in to watch Kate and William get hitched, and the number worldwide reached as many as 2 billion! Even Dunkin’ Donuts got in on the royal wedding with a heart-shaped donut, which signified “the love between Prince William and Catherine,” now the Duke and Dutchess of Cambridge. The doughnut was filled with jelly to show how their lives would be filled with happiness. The white frosting represented the wedding gown (which was far more elegant) and the chocolate drizzle stood for William’s love for chocolate. Okay, I’m with them on that one.

I think it’s lovely that William and Kate got married after ten years of being together. Hopefully they both know what they’re getting into. Marriage can do a lot to destroy romance, even if you don’t have to live your life according to palace protocol.

Romance, that sentimental and idealized version of love, feeds on excitement and mystery. It takes us away from the doldrums of everyday life. Bodice-ripper romance novels have a huge following. Then again, so does porn. I’ve been shocked to learn that women seem to like porn almost as much as men do. Yet they still tune into the royal wedding and fantasize about being a princess.

What exactly is romance anyway? What sort of chemical imbalance blinds us to our loved one’s faults, to their potential for violence or lack of ethics? Why do we sign on for future heartbreak?

Up until very recently in history, marriages were mostly arranged. There was very little mixing and matching done across established boundaries of race or religion, not to mention gender. Romance usually involved tragedy—look what happened to Romeo and Juliet, who came from warring clans. Nowadays we’re expected to fall in romantic love, then get married and try to avoid being the 50 percent whose marriages fail.

What do we expect? That excitement and mystery will continue when she has to pick up his dirty underwear off the floor, when he has to deal with her crazy brother moving in “just temporarily,” when the economy collapses and there’s no money to pay the mortgage?

But something inside craves the possibilities inherent in romance. That brief respite from reality when we get swept off our feet, carried along on the wave of long talks over a candlelit dinner, holding hands as we walk along a moonlit beach, long languorous explorations of bodies, minds, and souls. We want to be known, to be “seen,” to be told we are beautiful and that we’ll never be alone again.

When we are in romantic love, we want to wallow in personal bliss, not do the long hard dirty work of healing our own wounds, telling our truth, standing in our own integrity.

But enough about reality. Back to the important stuff: jelly donuts with chocolate swizzles on top of a pure white heart . . .

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Stabbed in the back by a “frenemy”

by Uncategorized

Stabbed in the back

Unfortunately, many of us have had this experience. Someone you thought was a friend turned around and betrayed you. Maybe she started a cyber-bullying campaign against you. Maybe he slandered you to the boss. Maybe she seduced your boyfriend.

Whatever happened, you can still feel the knife in your back. And it hurts. You lost more than just a friendship. You lost trust in that person, and you may have also lost trust in your ability to choose friends wisely.

Other than indulging in revenge fantasies, what can you do so you don’t have to carry around that painful connection to a “frenemy?”

There is a shamanic technique I learned long ago that can recover your energy lost in the encounter and disconnect you from that person. It’s a simple but powerful technique.

Go to my blog on the Huffington Post atGo to my blog on the Huffington Post at https://www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-king/betrayed-by-a-frenemy-fiv_b_852323.html to read about how to remo to read about how to remove that virtual knife from your back; and while you’re on HuffPo, drop me a note – I ‘d love to see your comment there about your own knife-in-the-back experience!

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Get Grounded for Earth Day: 7 Steps to Connect to Earth

by Health

Connect to Earth

Millions will gather together around the globe to share love and concern for our home, this beautiful planet Earth. Most of the time, we walk unconsciously over the Earth, our heads in the clouds. We are in our minds, thinking thinking thinking about all we have to do, about all the hurts we are experiencing, about how we don’t have enough, or how we aren’t enough. On this one day, we need to stop long enough to shift our awareness from who we are and what we need, to thank Earth for all she provides and to offer ourselves as helpers in the great task of repairing the world.

But first we have to repair our consciousness. After all, how can we help repair the world if we are not standing firmly upon the earth?

Often in meditation we focus upward to commune with Spirit, raising our energy up to and out the crown of the head. But to get grounded, we need to travel downward to tap into Earth’s energy.

Here are seven steps for connecting to the Earth and grounding your energy:

  1. Turn your focus to your feet. What do the soles of your feet feel like? Have they been squashed into uncomfortable shoes? Do they ache or itch? Have you massaged them, treated them with the respect they deserve? Your feet carry you everywhere. How have you thanked them?
  2. Imagine there’s a large wheel of energy, or a sphere, about 12-18 inches below your feet in the Earth. This is the doorway that allows you to receive energy from the Earth and to be supported by it. Visualize a cord of energy, like the roots of a tree, going down from the bottom of your feet and connecting to this sphere below your feet.
  3. Feel your connection to the earth. Ask Mother Earth to help you stay grounded and stable. Honor her. Promise to help her by remembering to water your plants, pet the cat, admire the sunset, listening to the messages she sends to you through the natural world. Remember the feeling of this space, and tune into it whenever you get ungrounded, anxious, too much in your head.
  4. Breathe in gently and feel your feet becoming more and more connected to the earth. You are a tree, a tree of life. You are grounded through your roots into the earth, which send sends strengthening, grounding energy up through the roots to nourish you. Feel the flow of energy going upward into your legs, thighs, hips.
  5. Release any heaviness or pain from your fingers, arms, shoulders and neck. Let a beautiful green energy fill you as it flows from the earth below your feet and into the planet’s ecosystem, out beyond the planet into the solar system, and throughout the multitude of universes.
  6. Gently pull your attention inward and come into your heart. You are home. Home in your body. Home on the earth. Feel great gratitude for being allowed to live upon the earth. For the shelter, warmth, and security you feel as you are held in the womb of the earth, strong and safe.
  7. Thank the earth for the land you live upon, for being allowed to steward life upon the earth. Thank the earth for its wisdom and the joy it brings humanity. For the daisy’s sparkling smile, the orchid’s elegance, the thorn’s fierce defense of its environment.

We go into the darkness of the earth, its rich depths, to reconnect with the parts of ourselves we have tried to hide. Now that we have our roots planted in this nourishing earth, now that we are stable in our grounding, we can acknowledge what we have tried to hide, to ignore, to pretend wasn’t who we are.

We are light and dark, yin and yang, earth and sky, male and female. We are one with it all. The polarities merge. There is only One. There is no more fear. We are whole, and holy. From this place of Oneness, we are now ready to repair the world.

May every day be Earth Day.

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Was she asking for it?

by Women

Sexual Abuse Awareness

April is Sexual Abuse Awareness month. Many of you who know my story know that sexual abuse was a major component of my life as a child. I know all too well what that type of trauma can do. What is absolutely astounding to me is that someone can look at a young girl and believe that she was asking for it.

There was a recent case in the news about an 11-year-old girl who was gang raped, and the first defense by the young men who raped her was that she was asking for it. What makes that even worth reporting is the fact that so many people seem ready to buy into that lame excuse for violent behavior.

I’ve written a blog in The Huffington Post that discusses some of the beliefs we hold as a society that foster this kind of irrational and dangerous thinking. It’s so important that we examine our cultural beliefs so we can all help to eliminate the milieu that promotes sexual assault. You can read and comment on the blog at https://www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-king/was-she-asking-for-it_b_850153.html

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Celebrating the Journey to Freedom

by Uncategorized

Journey to freedom

Throughout the ages and across every tradition, there are symbols and metaphors for the journey we all take from bondage to liberation.

We can look at that journey as the rising of kundalini from the first chakra at the base of the spine, where our concern is basic survival of the individual self, up through the crown of the head, the seventh chakra where we merge back into Oneness with All That Is. We can see it as the Hero’s Journey, the Arthurian quest of the Knights of the Round Table, the story of Demeter getting free of her imprisonment in the Earth, Osiris rising from the dead, the climb to the mountaintop.

In two of the main Western religions, Christianity and Judaism, their liberation journey stories take place in the spring, when life is renewing itself after the dead cold of winter.

At sundown on Monday, April 18th, the first night of Passover is celebrated with a “Seder”—that classic Jewish meal centered around the biblical story of Moses leading the Hebrews out of slavery to the Pharaoh in Egypt. The book that is used during the meal, the Haggadah, exhorts everyone at the table to look at the story of liberation as more than just a tale of what happened way back then, but as a personal experience—the way that you, too, are being led to your own liberation.

The main ritual question of the night is asked by the children at the table: Why is this night different from all other nights? And the answer is “Because we were slaves” and this is what G-d did for us: from the Angel of Death passing over our homes to the waters parting in the Red Sea to let our people go.

We are, indeed, all slaves to our egos, to our antiquated beliefs, to the relentless tyranny of our minds, to the destructive emotions we harbor. Now imagine having the power of Moses to open a clear-cut path through the obstacles that block your escape from slavery so eventually you, too, can get to the Promised Land. The power wielded by Moses sprang from his deep connection to God, to Source. Although it may take 40 years of wandering in the desert, and the testing of faith when confronted with a seductive Golden Calf or two along the way, the path to liberation—for an individual or a people or a civilization—is through connection to Source.

The end of this week brings us to the Last Supper celebrated by Jesus and his disciples, undoubtedly also a Passover Seder, that set into motion the events of Good Friday, leading to the Passion of Christ and the resurrection—another perfect metaphor for the journey to freedom from bondage. We all carry our crosses, bear the burdens of human suffering. We all seek resurrection into the Light.

It pains me that differences in religions have been used to divide people, when at their heart, all religions are based on the same mystic journey from bondage to liberation. Let’s dedicate this week to celebrating that journey of evolution of consciousness. As we gather together in rituals around the table at home or in places of worship, let us remember and reflect upon how far we have come, and acknowledge that we’re all walking the same road to redemption.

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Weighing in on Journaling

by Health

Journaling

Either for health reasons or for sheer vanity, or a little of both, losing weight is always an issue for millions of women and men. In the U.S. today, a shocking 63.1 percent of adults are either overweight or obese, with a third being overweight and a quarter being obese. That’s an awful lot of people who have to lose weight.

You can win the battle of the bulge without declaring total war on all the foods you love. What you’re looking for is a way to eat a basically healthy diet without feeling deprived. And right there is the clue to success—your feelings.

Do you crunch a bag of chips rather than acknowledging how angry you are at your boss? Do you need the melt-in-your-mouth smoothness of ice cream to soothe a broken heart? Do you graze mindlessly all day because you’re bored or anxious?

In order to become aware of your emotional connection to food, you need to become aware of your emotions. There’s no better way to do that than by journaling.

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5 Tips for Dealing with Negativity from Others

by Energy Medicine

5 Tips for Dealing with Negativity from Others

She’s sly, and hurtful to you when your husband’s back is turned. He thinks his mother is a sweet peach; you, on the other hand, know the black pit of her heart. Maybe your mother-in-law really is a sweetie, but you’ve got a brother, aunt, co-worker, or so-called friend who delights in dumping their negativity on you.

They may not realize consciously what they are doing, but these drama queens, nasty relatives, and “frenemies” can really put a damper on your enjoyment of life, and can affect your health and emotional well-being.

What can you do when someone is blasting you with their unwelcome energy? How can you protect yourself from wearing that coat of slime? After all, you don’t want to feel so irritated and depleted every time you have to see that person.

For five great tips on how to protect your personal space, release negativity that’s been dumped on you, retrieve your own energy and return theirs, read my latest blog in The Huffington Post at https://www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-king/mothers-in-law_b_845253.html. You’ll feel so much younger, filled with positive energy and vitality, that it’s like turning back the hands of time.

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Help Keep Our Young Men Alive

by Trauma and Violence

They are so young. In their teens and early twenties. And, around the world, they are now dying at a higher rate than children.

It used to be that infectious disease carried away far more little ones. But some of those diseases are being brought under control and infant and child mortality are decreasing. Now, it’s reckless driving, violence, and suicide that make us lose our sons, brothers, friends.

It’s always painful to read about young men who are tormented about their sexuality being beaten, bullied, or killed, or committing suicide. It’s always troubled teen boys who barge into schools with semi-automatic weapons. It’s male drivers under the age of 25 that are the most likely to be involved in fatal auto crashes. They’re too busy doing other things while driving, like texting. It’s young men, especially those involved in street or gang violence or drug trafficking, who are most likely to die through homicide.

The big question is why?

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Negative Energy, be gone!

by Energy MedicineHealth

It’s happened to everyone. You’re talking with somebody who’s in a bad mood and suddenly you’re feeling miserable, too. Yup, you’ve been “slimed.”

I’m not talking about the really heavy negative energy of a major psychic attack, like when someone’s stalking you, or you’re a victim of abuse, or your mother-in-law hates your guts because you stole away her precious son. Here, I’m talking about low level negative energy—just enough to put you off your game. You feel off-balance somehow, disjointed.

You might not even realize what’s happened to you. There you were feeling great, and now, out of the blue, you can’t shake the blues. Or you feel really tired, or cranky, like a three-year-old who’s just missed nap time.

Fortunately, it’s fairly easy to get rid of slime. I give the basic recipe for clearing away low level negative energy in an article called “Cleaning off negative energy” that is featured in Deepak Chopra’s new website—Negative Energy, be gone!.

This brand new site is inspired by Chopra’s visionary work. Time magazine called him “the poet-prophet of alternative medicine!” He’s someone I admire, and hope you’ll support his efforts.

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Worried about radiation? 5 ways to release the fear.

by Events

Fear is such a limiting condition—it limits our enjoyment of life in so many ways. We can see the effects of fear as we watch people react to the damaged nuclear power plant in Japan.

I’m sure the Japanese people who lived in the vicinity of the Fukushima Daiichi plant are worried, and with good reason. The evacuation zone has been extended to 18.6 miles of the plant, and those within the 50 mile zone have been advised to stay indoors. Even residents of Tokyo, 140 miles away from the still-smoking plant, are concerned, as they learn that the level of radiation in their drinking water has rendered it unsafe for infants. It will be weeks before the situation at the plant itself can be brought under control.

Yet the Japanese people, on the whole, seem remarkably calm. So why are there are people in the U.S., thousands of miles away, emptying the shelves of stores of potassium iodide tablets? Fear. Fear can save us when we are in danger, but when we are not, as in this case, it can hurt us.

There is no need to panic. Please read my blog in the Huffington Post at https://www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-king/radiation-panic_b_838004.html to learn five ways to release any fear you might be feeling about potential exposure to radiation.

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My Irish eyes are smiling . . . and sober

by Uncategorized

 

May God, Mary, and Patrick bless you.

I greet you with this Irish salutation in honor of St. Patrick’s holy-day and my (half) Irish ancestry. Along with the other 36.9 million U.S. residents with Irish roots (eight times the population of Ireland itself!), I’ll wear something green in celebration of a man whose life was guided by his inner voice and visions. But I will also refrain from indulging the other part of my Irish heritage—addiction to alcohol.

First, St. Patrick, who wasn’t Irish himself. He was born in Britain near the end of the fourth century into a wealthy family, but when he was sixteen, Irish raiders attacked his family estate and took him prisoner. Captive in a pagan land, a frightened and lonely shepherd, he became a devout Christian.

According to his own writings, after six years Patrick believed he heard God’s voice in a dream, telling him to leave Ireland. He walked 200 miles to the Irish coast and managed to escape to back to Britain. Again, he experienced a revelatory dream in which an angel told him to return to Ireland as a missionary. He spent more than 15 years as a monk in Marmoutier Abbey in France and, after Pope Celestine ordained him a Bishop, he was sent back to Ireland—both to minister to Christians who were living there and to convert the Irish. And no, he didn’t chase actual snakes out of Ireland; snakes at that time were a symbol of Paganism.

Now for the second part of my Irish ancestry—drinking. St. Patrick’s Day comes during the Christian season of Lent (March 17th is the anniversary of his death), but prohibitions were waived and, after attending church in the morning, the Irish would eat meat, dance, and drink. And drink, and drink, and drink. Not only on St. Patty’s Day, but every other day as well.

I fell into alcohol as if I were born knowing how to swim in it. It was my rightful heritage.

If it hadn’t been for my diagnosis of cancer in my mid-twenties, who knows how long I would have continued my reckless romance with alcohol. How many more times would I wake after blackouts, not knowing what had happened. How many years of life would have been lost to liver damage. How many relationships would I have ruined.

Here are 10 signs that you, or someone you love, might be an alcoholic; be concerned if one of them fits:

  1. Your family is worried about your drinking.
  2. You sometimes drink alone.
  3. You drink even though you’ve told yourself you wouldn’t.
  4. You are sometimes late for work due to drinking.
  5. You feel guilty about your drinking.
  6. You sometimes get headaches or hangovers after drinking.
  7. You have had a drink when you wake up in the morning to “cure” a hangover.
  8. You get annoyed when people comment on your drinking.
  9. You feel like maybe you should cut down on your drinking.
  10. You have had a blackout.

If you have a problem with alcohol, get yourself to Alcoholics Anonymous (www.aa.org) and learn how this classic 12-step program will help you. You’ll never regret it. I quit cold turkey after my first meeting, and haven’t had a drink since.  You can do it, too.

Do I miss drinking? No, not even on St. Patrick’s Day.