HigherGround.jpg

Higher Ground

by Movie Reviews

Higher-ground_movie_review

Raised in what appears to be a nondescript mainstream Protestant church, Corinne had quite a curiosity about spiritual matters, even as a child – she’s the Midwest’s version of a seeker. Things heat up when she gets pregnant, marries young, and she and her rocker husband have a crisis (don’t want to ruin the movie for you so I’m intentionally vague). The strain of it all turns them towards what seems like a small fundamentalist sect, of which they become card-carrying members. The movie weaves between faith and reason, trust and disillusionment.

What I really like about this film is its nuanced approach to religion. It doesn’t portray the sect as horribly confining. Instead, it plays the shadows, showing both the beauty of the close friendships that the couple at the center of the film develop with their fellow church members as well as the impulse to stifle their own free thought so they can fit in.

It really reminded me of the week I spent several years ago in Texas, attending the hearings of the Fundamentalist Church of Latter Day Saints who had had their children taken away by the state on allegations of sexual abuse. There was quite an appearance of fun and camaraderie there, too, between the members of the church; you would have never known how horribly oppressed both the women and the men were.

After you have your mind opened by this film, while totally enjoying the great revival hymns (I can’t wait to get the soundtrack!), ask yourself if it made you think about where you stand on religion. Do you have some limiting beliefs that are holding you back? And I don’t mean in just one direction. For example, a few days ago I helped a woman question why she felt she had to deprive herself of the ritual of the church of her childhood because she disagreed with some of it’s dogma. I assured her that it was perfectly okay to enjoy the ritual, which her soul craved, and ignore the dogma. My advice in that kind of situation is always take what you want and leave the rest behind. Stay in the driver’s seat of your life and don’t allow the rules and limitations of others limit you.

This film may very well also make you ask yourself if you’re swallowing important thoughts and life choices of your own in order to please a partner or a boss or a parent. Are you afraid to “rock the boat” in your tribe, afraid you’ll be thrown out of the clan? At heart, that’s what this film is really all about.

I’d love to see your thoughts on my Facebook page about what you think happened when the screen goes dark at the end of Higher Ground, as Corinne stands at the church door.

It’s Fall again, and movie time, so hope to see you at the theatre!

diabetes.jpg

Diabetes: Where is the sweetness in your life?

by Energy MedicineHealth

If you are over the age of 45 and overweight, you should take a moment and consider the risks of diabetes. A recent news article stated that more than a third of a billion people around the world have diabetes, a number that’s growing as more people adopt a Western lifestyle. There are almost 18 million Americans with diabetes, and about 5 million more who haven’t yet been diagnosed (in some cases of type 2 diabetes, there are NO symptoms). And that’s not counting the 57 million who are pre-diabetic.

Genetic predisposition, obesity, and lack of exercise are certainly factors in diabetes and need to be considered, but in energy medicine we can often trace the non-physical origins of the disease back to control issues, especially overbearing parental control and a propensity for bottling up emotions. When difficult emotions are not expressed, they are stashed in the body and held down so as not to have to deal with them. This emotional “lid” puts pressure on systems, organs, and glands, especially the circulatory system and the pancreas. It makes sense that the leading cause of death for diabetics is cardiovascular disease, ending in heart attack or stroke.

What I frequently hear at the cellular level of someone with diabetes is where is the sweetness in life? Sugar has been substituted for love, and the body’s mechanisms that regulate sugar are out of whack. In my experience, both Type 1 and Type 2 diabetes can be dramatically improved through a change in one’s core beliefs and the release of stored emotions, along with changes in diet and exercise.

Have you let someone hijack your personal will? Have you turned to soda, cake, and candy rather than facing your relationship with a controlling parent? Have you given up trying to do something about your weight? Have you convinced yourself that you have no time or ability to exercise? Are you resigned to having the same disease that crippled a member of your family?

Of course, if you are diabetic, you’ve got a lot of company, including Halle Berry, Nick Jonas (of the Jonas Brothers), Patti LaBelle, Larry King, Randy Jackson (hey “Dawg”), Sharon Stone, Elizabeth Taylor, Billie Jean King, Delta Burke, Dick Clark, Meat Loaf, Della Reese, Morgan Freeman, Aretha Franklin, and B.B. King. Diabetes can strike anyone of any age, race, or gender.

I urge you to get tested if you think you might be at risk. The American Diabetes Association has a short simple test at https://www.diabetes.org/diabetes-basics/prevention/diabetes-risk-test/ to help you become aware of your risk factors for this prevalent disorder. Diabetes is fully treatable, so the more you know about your risk, the better. Remember, knowledge is power!

If you do get diagnosed as having diabetes, watching what you eat and exercising are absolutely essential, but you also need to treat the mind and spirit. It can be difficult to overcome emotional eating habits that you have learned in childhood, but you can vastly improve your health by working through the emotions that have led you to this point, and by finding ways to reduce your internal stress.

It’s time to wake up, check your risk of diabetes, and see what you can do to prevent it. If you do have diabetes, you can regain control of your life and regain a sense of self-worth. You do have it in your power to relieve or eliminate your symptoms, reduce and eliminate your risk of serious complications, and live a happy, healthy, and full life.

Isis.jpg

Isis and Osiris: The Love Story of Ancient Egypt

by Uncategorized

Isis was the most powerful goddess of ancient Egypt, even greater than the gods; her worship spread through the Mediterranean world and became one of the main religions of the Roman Empire. Like so many goddesses, she had a long history. We’re not even sure that Isis is her original name, as Egyptian hieroglyphs didn’t include vowels. What we do know is that she came to embody so many of the qualities we seek that she is called “The One Who Is All” and the “Lady of Ten Thousand Names.”

Born of the Geb, the god of the Earth, and Nut, the goddess of the Overarching Sky, Isis held both heaven and earth in balance. She is a moon goddess who gave birth to Horus, the god of the sun; together, mother and child created all life and sustained it. She taught women to grind corn, bake bread, spin flax, weave cloth, and, perhaps most importantly, she taught them to tame the men so the women could live with them! Among her many attributes, she was also the goddess of medicine, healing, fertility, and wisdom.

So why was this Mother of Life also known as the Crone of Death? That title comes from what happened with her brother/husband Osiris.

 

 

Incest between brother and sister was allowable for the gods to keep the bloodlines pure. When Osiris became her husband, he became the first King of Earth. Set, their brother, was jealous and killed Osiris, sealed up his coffin and threw it in the river Nile. Isis grieved mightily, shredded her robes and chopped off her hair. Then she set out to find the body of her husband so she could bury him with proper honor and respect.

As she searched for her love, she met Queen Astarte in Phoenicia. Making a long story short, Astarte realized that Osiris’s body was hidden in her palace. Isis carried him back to Egypt and hid it in the swamps of the Nile delta while she prepared for his funeral. Her wicked brother, Set, found the coffin, furiously hacked Osiris’s body into 14 pieces, and scattered them in different directions. Searching and searching, Isis recovered thirteen of the pieces. Only his penis was missing, so she made one from gold and wax (some myths say mud or clay). Promptly inventing the rites of embalming, and with her magical powers in full force, Isis brought Osiris back to life and conceived their child Horus. Now that she was no longer grieving, Osiris was free to descend and became the King of the Underworld, ruling over the dead.

Isis is often shown wearing the symbol of an empty throne on her head, suggesting her husband’s absence and that she, herself, was the seat of the Pharaoh’s power. She carries the ankh, the Egyptian hieroglyph of eternal life. When in her funerary role, and as the protector of the dead, she is shown with wings. The ancient Egyptians believed that the Nile River flooded each year because of the tears Isis wept for her dead husband, and every year there was a ceremonial death-and-rebirth ritual.

When Christianity was trying to gain a foothold over paganism, the mother-and-child images of Isis and her son Horus in the many temples of Isis across the land were converted into images of Mary with her infant son Jesus, while images of Isis holding the body of her dead husband across her lap became Mary with the crucified Jesus.

For us today, Isis stands for qualities we all aspire to: feminine strength, deep caring about relationships, acceptance of our emotional depths, the act of creating life, and the wisdom surrounding renewal and reconnection.

dkvd2

The Help

by Movie ReviewsTruth HealsWomen

As many of you may know, I’m a movie buff. I love sitting in a darkened theater and being swept away by a good story. Now that it’s fall, it’s movie time again and I’ll be posting reviews of the ones that may open your heart, challenge your beliefs or expand your horizons. Sometimes a movie comes along that triggers a deep emotional response and brings up memories. That happened to me recently when I saw The Help.

I grew up in northern California, far from the segregated South, but my mother gave me a taste of the old South right in my own home. One of the fixtures of my childhood was Mamie, our “help,” who worked for my mother half a day every day and all day on holidays. She came to work for our family when my mother was a young pregnant bride of 19, married to my 41-year-old father, her former boss and a prominent politician. Mamie, who was my father’s age, was always there for me from the time I was born—a loving presence in stark contrast to my mother’s coldness and indifference to me. I adored her.

Just like in the film, my mother insisted on being called Mrs. King (although Mamie called her other employers by their first name) and I was always Miss King. She served our meals and then ate her own in the kitchen. When I was old enough to question my mother about that, she said the help always ate in the kitchen, no matter what color they were.

It was a confusing situation. I certainly didn’t think of my family as racist. My father was a bleeding heart liberal who spent every holiday driving around town giving away clothes and money to the needy. My mother came from a working class background; her own Portuguese mother had taken in sewing and cleaned houses. Why didn’t she treat Mamie more like an equal?

Although I knew that all the “colored” folk lived on the South Side, the poorest part of town, it never occurred to me to question why. As children, we accept what is without question. I knew about the South Side because Mamie lived there, in what was basically a shack. When I was old enough to drive, one of my chores was to drop off the family laundry and ironing at Mamie’s in the morning and pick it up again in the evening.

I left the movie and spent the rest of the evening thinking about Mamie and my family. My mother was considered a kind employer (one of Mamie’s sons still calls my mother once a year to see how she’s doing). Mother insisted I come home from college to be at Mamie’s bedside as she was dying in the hospital. Mother was the only white woman who attended the black funeral when Mamie died at 56 from heart failure (not surprising after eight children and a life of hard and often demeaning work).

As my emotional reaction to the movie gradually faded, I began to question the beliefs I had grown up with about discrimination, about prejudice. As children, we so readily accept situations as normal, as being “just the way things are.” This is why it’s so important to examine our beliefs, so we can shake ourselves out of complacency and come to a more conscious understanding, so we don’t pass along to future generations the same sorrows and injustices.

If you haven’t seen The Help, I recommend it. One of my clients who grew up in Mississippi with a black nanny wept copiously throughout the film. But even if this particular situation is not one that you experienced personally, have you experienced discrimination based on your class or race or religion? Conversely, what have you felt and believed about those who are of different class or race or religion from you?

In the spiritual universe, we are all One. There is no doubt about that. By examining the hidden traces of prejudice and discrimination that you may hold, you can free yourself from whatever hinders you from experiencing that unity.

Isn’t it amazing what a good movie can do?

Mr Manx

Mr. Manx, Cat Extraordinaire

by Truth Heals
Mr Manx

More than 10 years ago, we moved to yet another horse ranch, a sprawling 20-acre spread backing up to a nature preserve, a magnificent property covered with high grass and ancient oak trees just a few miles from the shores of the Pacific. We no sooner arrived, with our horses and dogs, than the displaced seller called, ashamedly telling us he had been forced off his property some months earlier by a restraining order sought by his ex-wife, an order that denied him access to his  children and property. He seemed resigned about all that but quite upset about a manx cat he loved that might still be somewhere on the property, starving to death.

We promptly began a hunt for the little tabby cat with no tail he described, and spotted him at dawn the next morning, running into a drainage ditch in which he had been living down by the barn. He was emaciated. The vet guessed he might be some 5 or 6 years old and recommended frequent feedings to bring him back to health.

We named him “Mr. Manx” and placed food out for him twice a day. He rapidly gained weight and, feeling more like himself, began hunting again, proudly presenting us every morning with a gopher or two twice his size – dragging them into the house through the dog door and dumping them at the base of the stairs, where I would stumble over them in the dark as I came down in the morning.

As summer moved into fall and the weather cooled, Mr. Manx let it be known that he could easily give up his raucous outdoor lifestyle and move indoors, explaining that his favorite activity wasn’t really hunting, but napping: that cat could nap anywhere at the drop of a hat. He ingratiated himself with the house cats and set a sleeping example no other acquaintance of mine has ever matched – he could sleep so well, he could almost sleep standing up. No matter where you turned that first winter, he’d be asleep nearby: always finding a patch of sun, at the base of the glass door or on a windowsill, or protected from the wind, sunbathing on the upper deck. I was going through a difficult menopause those first years Mr. Manx joined our family, unable to sleep much at all myself, and I used to imagine that the cat was sleeping for me.

One day I realized that Mr. Manx was no longer thin and starving; in fact, he was overweight. Seriously overweight. We realized that he had developed an eating disorder from his days of near starvation; that darn cat just couldn’t stop eating, fearing that food might one day again become scarce. He continued to gain weight until his belly touched the ground and I could no longer lift him.

About the same time, I admitted to myself that my dream horse ranch had a fatal flaw. During the exciting days of escrow and purchase, I had met with several horse trainers who all praised the beauty of the land but, once we were on it, we found that it was really too steep for horses and humans alike. As one fencer put it, “Lady, you’ve got yourself a pyramid here, not a horse ranch.” The house was at the top of a mountain and the horses and barn at the bottom of a draw, and in-between was a no man’s land of rolling oak forests, hiding wild turkeys and coyotes and bobcats and the occasional mountain lion that would stand and stare as I fed and mucked the horses alone at night, giving the twilight an eerie quality.

Never one to let the grass grow under my feet, I again took up the arduous search for yet another perfect ranch property and, many months later, stumbled on one just a few miles away. By that time, Mr. Manx had become a key member of our family and I obsessed about the difficulty of moving him, knowing that cats don’t move easily. But Mr. Manx had other ideas, and jumped in my car the day of the move, telling me that crating him wouldn’t be necessary, he was ready to go. At the new ranch, he took over the kitchen and it was impossible to sit for a meal without having that 30-pound cat at your back, sharing your chair with you. He was especially fond of reading with you late at night and loved Seinfeld reruns; they were his personal favorite.

That ranch was the last of our properties that Mr. Manx hunted: when we moved from there, he announced he had retired from hunting and sought a promotion to full-time housecat, one that he surely deserved.  When we moved on, first to Santa Barbara, where we briefly flirted with being citified, which worked not at all, he slept on the deck, totally disregarding the multi-million dollar view of the city, the mountains, and the ocean just below.

He much preferred our next place in the Santa Monica mountains of Malibu, another grand ranch at the end of a long single lane along a cliff, with incredible valley and ocean views and bevies of butterflies hovering nearby. This time, the bobcats and mountain lions brazenly came right up to the house, taking your breath away, and Mr. Manx elected to live totally inside, only venturing out into the special cat cage we constructed for him that had its own oak tree for his napping pleasure. It was at this house, an amazing two-story French country home set in a meadow with its own lake full of frogs that serenaded you at night, where the horses roamed free, that Mr. Manx began the practice of traipsing around, especially late at night, singing a plaintive song, sounding not happy but not unhappy either, just using his voice and keeping it tuned up. He wasn’t fond of that ranch because I insisted on sleeping the better part of the year in a tent, way out on the edge of the cliff with the horses, quite some distance from the house, and he wanted me close by. Once I moved back in for the winter, he was happy again, and slept at my feet as I wrote my first book. He always said writing was easy, like falling off a log, but I never found it so.

The years went by and I began to think Mr. Manx immortal, never aging, always ready to help me write a paragraph or two, eat lunch, or take a nap. But he died suddenly this evening, with no warning whatsoever. He was having trouble breathing as he was raced to the vet, who declared Mr. Manx quite old, geriatric really, and already in the throes of moving on. He seemed unperturbed by all the fuss and quietly expired, with as little fanfare as he had lived. The moment he left his body, I could feel his enormous spirit everywhere, filling me and then the space around me, no limits to him now as he expanded.

What is it about cats that makes them think they are ageless, that allows them to spring effortlessly from floor to kitchen counter if there’s tuna anywhere to be found? Don’t they know they’re elderly and should be on a walker or at least be carrying a cane? What is it about cats that allows them to enjoy every moment of every day, totally present, never worrying for one second that they’re getting old or fat, as Mr. Manx was for sure, or wrinkled or infirm?  Always enjoying every second of every day, the breeze, the sights and the sounds, and only wanting your company, to be with you watching the setting sun.

lucid-dreams.jpg

Life is but a dream . . .

by Uncategorized
Life is but a dream
Our truest life is when we are in dreams awake. ~Henry David Thoreau

As you row row row your boat down the stream of your life, how awake are you? I’m not just talking about how many hours of the day you spend with eyes open as opposed to getting some shut eye. How awake to life are you?

Are you aware of the sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and sensations you experience? Are you conscious of your emotional reactions to whatever you’re experiencing? Do you appreciate the beauty of the flower pushing up through the sidewalk? Do you delight in the smile of a child, and not shy away from the tears of a friend?

We call this ability to be awake to life “presence.” You are present, here and now, for whatever life places on your doorstep, whether that is love and laughter or betrayals and heartbreak. When you are present, you can ride the roller coast journey of life, with its peaks and valleys, with an overall feeling that it’s all okay. Obstacles are called challenges. The grass is not greener in someone else’s yard.

There are some people who are even able to be present in their dreams, and can use this ability to further enrich their lives.

Take Ray Kurzweil, a futurist and inventor, who has been called the “rightful heir to Thomas Edison.” He uses a technique called lucid dreaming to spark his ideas. Before he falls asleep, Kurzweil goes over in his mind a problem he’s trying to solve. Then, at some point, he becomes conscious that he is dreaming. He says, “I am still in the dream, but I have conscious thinking as well so I can direct the dream. I have access to all these new creative links that I made while I was dreaming about the problem, but I also have my rational faculties. Within 15 or 20 minutes, I will typically have a new key insight.” And this from the man that Forbes referred to as “the ultimate thinking machine.”

There are four major states of consciousness—waking, sleeping, dreaming, and the meditative state. Just as you can become more conscious, more present, in your day-to-day awareness, so can you become more conscious in the dream state. Dreaming is a powerful way to gain access to your subconscious thoughts and feelings—a good source of information that’s a great help in your own healing process.

Lucid dreaming, in which you become aware that you’re dreaming and can participate in and often direct what you’re experiencing, gives you opportunities that aren’t available during waking consciousness. You can go to different planes of consciousness, communicate with the dead or with spiritual guides, even fly and shape-shift. You can plug into past lives, change the outcome of dream events, or get information that is of benefit in this life.

A good way to start becoming more conscious about and in your dreams is by keeping a dream journal. Keep it near your bed and write in it as soon as you wake up. Most people have the longest REM sleep of their five sleep cycles per night right before waking, so it’s most likely those are the dreams you’ll remember.

All the ancients knew the value of dreams, and many traditions consider that it is our waking life that is the real dream. As you turn your attention to the meditative and the dream states and try to bring more awareness to those states, your consciousness will expand and you will be more fully “present” to your own life.

Dream on.

dkhi1

Clear Skies Ahead

by EventsTruth Heals

In California, where I live on occasion, the earth shakes periodically, and fire scorches our “golden” hills. On the East Coast, wind and water have been the elements of destruction lately. We tend to forget about the power of Mother Nature until she grows fierce and threatens our usual way of life.

Irene brought us back to reality. The name Irene comes from Greek mythology, where she is the Goddess of Peace. Tell that to the folks who have had to abandon whole towns and communities near overflowing rivers and streams. This peaceful lady did something no one has ever been able to do before: totally shut down New York City mass transit and mandated the evacuation of hundreds of thousands of people from low-lying areas. The “better safe than sorry” refrain is only heard, it seems, when disaster is imminent, not in the planning stages before we build our homes and businesses in flood or fire zones, or sitting on top of major earthquake faults.

Many of us were glued to the Weather station or to our favorite news programming for days as we watched Irene crawl up a thousand miles of coastline. There’s a part of us that loves to watch Mother on a rampage, as long as we’re not the ones directly in her path. It awakens the desire to break free of all restraints, to go wild, to throw dishes and break windows, to dance in the wind and wash away complacency in a roaring flood.

We forget that we, too, are governed by the same elements as nature: fire, air, space (ether), earth, and water. Millennia ago, the seers of ancient India recognized this fact when they created the first medical system, Ayurveda, which is based on balancing the elemental energies, called doshas: vata is air and space, pitta is fire and water, and kapha is water and earth. Ayurvedic practitioners understand what aggravates each dosha, and what food and lifestyle choices can bring it back into balance. Ayurveda also has a regime for purification, called panchkarma, that eliminates toxins from the system.

Natural “disasters” are purification on a big scale. The old gets swept away, bringing the opportunity to reevaluate the strength of infrastructure and the health of our governing bodies. They bring out bravery—like risking electrocution to save a child—and compassion for the victims. They unite us as we work together to save a city or rebuild what has been wrecked. There’s no one to blame—no terrorists, no evil megalomaniacs. Just an acceptance of what is beyond our control and an understanding of what must be done. Not a bad lesson to remember when the skies clear.

regret-dkc.jpg

Catalogue of Regrets

by Truth Heals

There’s a wonderful line in the Paul Simon song, “Everything About It Is A Love Song,” that goes: “Open the book of my vanishing memory, with it’s catalogue of regrets. Stand up for the deeds I did, and those I didn’t do.”

Ah, regrets. We all have our own catalogue of them, divided into the things we’re sorry we did and the things we’re sorry we didn’t do. I imagine there’s a long list of politicians who are sorry they unzipped outside of marriage—not at the time, perhaps, but certainly when the media caught them and public indignation forced their resignation. What regrets heads of state must have about ordering troops into war, or is it only us civilians that regret “collateral damage” to innocents? Do Congressmen regret the bills for the public welfare that they didn’t vote for because of political posturing?

Do rock stars and entertainers regret their wanton use of drugs, prescription or otherwise? If only we could hear from Amy Winehouse, Michael Jackson, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison, and host of others. And we could tell them about our regrets: the way we were mean to someone, the way we hurt those we loved, the time we wrote that email we never meant to be seen but we pushed the Send button anyway. Or the things we didn’t do because we were afraid—of rejection, of pain, of our status.

Regrets can be so tricky. Imagine being harmed by something that didn’t happen! And the regrets we carry can manifest as physical ailments. Many of my clients made themselves ill over sorrows tied to chances not taken, roads not traveled, relationships not pursued.

For example, Dynasty, a 40-year-old mother of three, came to me with neck pain so severe that she had used up her sick leave and vacation time because she was unable to get off her couch. Doctors labeled her neck problems as stress related, but she couldn’t find relief. I asked her about regrets and silent sorrows. She took a deep breath, a few tears fell, and Dynasty told me how sad she still felt about not being at her mother’s deathbed six years earlier. BINGO! We had just found the answer to her neck trouble. My advice to Dynasty, who hasn’t had a recurrence of the phantom neck trouble, was threefold:

  1. Voice the regret. No matter how illogical it is, no matter how much we understand that we can’t change the past, no matter how over it someone thinks we should be. Speaking the words out loud begins to release it from your body. Find a trusted person, an isolated mountaintop, even a loyal dog, but say the words out loud. In Dynasty’s case, she need to say: “I regret not coming home to be with my mother when she died.”
  1.  Look at how that regret has shaped your life. Did you grab onto other relationships with a stranglehold? Did you avoid getting close to people so you couldn’t lose them? Did you march along with a smile on your face to shut the door on the pain? Or did you recognize the gifts that came to you from this kind of pain? Did you learn to cherish your family and treat them kindly? Did you learn to never miss an occasion to tell someone you love them? Did you begin following your doctor’s orders to maintain your good health? Recognize the effects these regrets have had on shaping your life. Some will be unpleasant to look at, but chances are, you have also gained some positive lessons as well.
  1. Release the regret. Yes, it shaped me and taught me things–good and bad. Yes, it took root in my body and showed up as a sore neck, or a bad back, or ulcers, or knee trouble. Release yourself from this regret. Go to a peaceful outdoor spot and choose a natural item, like twigs or pebbles, as a symbol of your main regret. Sit quietly with your item, and when you feel ready, whisper the regret out loud one more time. Then release the pebbles off the side of a hill, or toss the twigs into a running stream. Watch them disappear and accept that you are no longer held by that sorrow.

When your regrets are based on actions you did, such as the chaos and despair your heavy drinking inflicted on your family, have you forgiven yourself even if those you hurt have not? Share your honest regrets with those you have hurt. Try the Hawaiian forgiveness exercise in  my book, Be Your Own Shaman.

Regret is an acid that eats at you. It can be tricky to tease out, because we internalize it so subtly. But by getting it out in the open, into the fresh air and sunshine, and releasing the shame and sorrow from your body, you can find freedom from your own catelogue of regrets.

relationshipg.jpg

Intimate Relationships

by Truth HealsWomen

An intimate, stable relationship is the crucible in which we learn how to stand strong in our own individuality. It’s not an easy task. We need to trust each other, to feel emotionally “safe,” in order to bring forth the full expression of who we are. Unfortunately, a lot of us think a relationship should look like the one the romance industry promotes, full of hearts and flowers and sexy lingerie. We picture ourselves walking hand-in-hand along the riverbanks of Paris, sharing Mai Tai’s on the beach, gazing soulfully into each other’s eyes across a candle-lit table.

The truth is that our bodies are programmed so that the early infatuation we experience will pass in roughly six to twelve months. At some point, either you or your partner may want to run away from the relationship. I need time alone. You’re smothering me. Or you don’t spend enough time with me, you’re always at work or with your friends. What statements like those really mean is I’m trying to figure out who I am and what I want.

As you reach the infamous seven year mark in a relationship, either partner may feel the strong need to run. And when women enter perimenopause, the compliant little wife may suddenly become a fierce tiger, and scare her partner. As men and women hit their mid-forties to mid-fifties, they may develop more of the heavier qualities of the earth, sleeping more or becoming inclined to depression. Or they may exhibit too much of the fire quality, become overly driven and ambitious and rushed.  Or they may develop too much air quality and become anxious and worried and have trouble sleeping. These are classic times for one of the partners to have an affair, or many affairs.

Most relationships crack because of lack of trust brought on by either financial or sexual factors. If your partner is not contributing to the monetary welfare of the relationship—can’t get or hold a job (especially in this economy), gets an inheritance and blows it on a Porsche instead of a college fund for the kids, or develops a gambling addiction, for example—money is the main factor in the loss of trust in the partnership.

One of the most common betrayals of trust happens when your partner (or you) has an affair, which is pretty difficult not to take personally. Ideally, it would be nice to be able to forgive and move on, but a lot depends on the circumstances. Was it a single one-night stand? A long-running affair? Many different partners? There are few relationships where one or the other partner doesn’t at least think about straying at some point. But looking outside the marriage is really just a diversion from the basic issue, which is finding ourselves. However, it is a compelling diversion that basically switches our attention from our present partner’s needs to the new partner’s needs. . . and often duplicates the problems we had with the last partner.

I work with so many people who blame themselves when their partner cheats or lands them in financial difficulty. The key point to remember is that your partner’s behavior says more about the problems your partner is trying to resolve from his or her past than about anything directly related to you.

Unfortunately, when we’re betrayed or our trust is broken, we tend to shut down our heart. When a dog is hit, it cowers close to the ground. Well, we do the same thing if our heart is hurt. If we don’t open our heart and let the pain move through, how can we be open to new experiences of love? This is why it’s so important to clear the energy from past relationships out of your personal energy field and out of your body (see the shamanic technique, the “Sweeping Breath,” on page 117 of my book, Be Your Own Shaman). That old relationship can slow you down and make you feel confused, unfocused, unhappy, lethargic or, worse, it can make you toxic and sick.

I’d like to pass on to you the two biggest tips that I have learned in over thirty years of marriage: First, if you meditate every day with your partner, you’ll find it’s pretty easy to get along. Secondly, when you are really upset with your significant other, begin every statement with how you feel. Start the sentence with “I feel horrible when you say such and such,” instead of saying, “You always say...” That gives the other person a chance to realize the impact they are having on you instead of going immediately on the defensive.

As you grow in your emotional health, your relationships will reflect a more mature intimacy, which in turn allows you to be fully who you are. If your relationship can survive the power struggles and betrayals, it means you have healed the wounds inflicted in the battle of the sexes for nurturance, power, and self. You realize you can separate from each other and come back together without losing yourself, and you can finally claim the prize of real intimacy.

ItsAllAboutPerception.jpg

“It’s all about Perception” by Barbara Sinclair

by Guest Blogs

When our kids were young, my friend, Mary, and I would often remark, “It’s all about perception”. Meaning – their perception vs. ours. While we viewed discipline as teaching life lessons, they likely saw it as cruel and unusual punishment. I’ve thought a lot about this lately and how perception fuels much of how we live our lives, both in relation to others and to ourselves.

It’s impossible to know just how someone else (especially a child) is interpreting our words or our actions unless we ask them directly. The tone of our voice might imply something totally contrary to what we intended. Maybe we’re tired or distracted and were just stating a fact, but the other person perceives that we’re angry or annoyed.

The science of Ayurveda is a great place to begin to understand why we all feel things so differently.  A study of the three doshas (vata, pitta and kapha) around which Ayurveda is based, will reveal how we might have a different reaction to the same situation such as a boss making a cutting remark. The vata type would likely be hurt and overly sensitive, but the hurt feelings would soon dissipate. The pitta type might explode in anger (or at least be seething inside). The kapha type would probably “take it” but would never forget it! If you’re curious what your dominant dosha is, here’s an easy quiz you can take.

Since studying Ayurveda, I’ve learned that before I cast judgment on someone’s reaction, I do a quick “dosha assessment” and then usually have an ah-ha moment. My perception invariably changes and any possible misunderstanding tends to evaporate. Imagine how many relationships would be smoother if each person took the time to understand their partner’s unique constitution. I’m not making excuses for bad behavior here, but rather showing how a modification in our perception might change a potentially uncomfortable situation.

Then there’s the perception we have of our self and what’s happening around us that’s out of our control. If we can shift how we look at disappointment in our lives and instead see it as an opportunity for change and growth, we can move forward, instead of staying stuck in old patterns of negativity. A rainy day can go from a “ruined day at the beach” to a glorious chunk of time to burrow in, read a book, watch a good movie or do some clutter control.  Likewise, if we always see ourselves as depressed and stagnant, chances are our perception will become our reality. Sometimes just bringing this into our awareness is enough to help make that shift towards a more positive outlook.

How do you feel perception influences your daily life? I would love to hear your thoughts!

Guest Blog Post: Barbara Sinclair is a visual artist and holistic health coach living in New York City. “Studying energy medicine in Deborah’s 21st Century Energy Medicine Program has greatly influenced every aspect of my life, both personal and professional.” You can learn more about Barbara and read her blog by visiting her website at https://barbarasinclair.com/.

Beat-The-Heat.jpg

The Heat Is On!

by Health

 

Yes, it’s summer. Yes, it’s hot. And hotter than usual, whether you blame global warming or not. Although I’m always telling people to get outside to spend time in nature, which is a wonderful way both to get grounded and to expand your consciousness, there are certain precautions to take at this time of year.

Extreme heat is dangerous, like any “extreme” is. When the temperature rises to the high nineties and low hundreds, your body goes into overdrive, trying to cool off through perspiration and evaporation. Obviously, if you stay indoors and the electricity is working so your air conditioner works, you’re okay. This is about when you are outside.

The very young and the very old are at risk in the heat, as are people with mental illness or chronic diseases or those who are obese. But even those who are young and healthy can be in trouble if they are doing anything physically strenuous outside. And for those who live in cities, the stagnant air traps pollutants that can trigger respiratory problems.

When the heat is up and humidity is low, the most common problem is dehydration. If you’re in direct sun on days when the temperature is higher than 90 degrees, you can lose as much as half a gallon of water every ten minutes, which seriously mucks up your internal thermostat and can lead to heat exhaustion, which can lead to heat stroke, which can be deadly. Drink lots and lots of water!

That warmth you longed for all winter is now the hot air you’re trying to escape. Clearly, an excess of anything creates problems. When the elements go to extremes, we get hurricanes, tornadoes, tsunamis, flooding, forest fires, and earthquakes. When alcohol or drug use or gambling or sex becomes excessive, you have addiction. When emotions go to extremes, they can lead to mental disturbances, illnesses, panic attacks, and negative behaviors, even murder.

It’s important to avoid excesses in life, or try to get back into balance as soon as possible. Excess makes the senses weak and inhibits will power. It’s hard to get anything done, either on the outside or within your own mind. To avoid excess, think about simplifying your life. The less “stuff” you have to deal with, the easier it is to stay in balance. Think of the yogis, the true renunciates, who can control their inner heat; they can create enough heat in their bodies to melt snow and ice, or they can stay cool in the parching heat on the plains of India.

So kick back in these dog days of summer. Stay out of the midday sun. Wear sun screen and protective clothing when you have to go out. Consume lots of water and non-alcoholic beverages (alcohol adds to dehydration). Get to the pool or the beach early in the day or in the late afternoon/early evening. Visualize cooling images: sitting in an igloo, plunging into icy waters, floating on an ice floe, whatever works for you . . . Make sure to clean/change the filter in your air conditioning unit.

And while you’re sitting outside in the shade of a swaying tree, looking at the stretch of sky and sand and water before you, feeling the cool breeze as you sip another iced tea, take some time to review the excesses you are prone to. What would bring you into better balance? Less chocolate? Less worry? Less money spent on clothes? Less time on Facebook? Less workaholism? What do you have to add? More exercise? More veggies? More time for friends and family?

There is a simple exercise called the see-saw that can help you find your balance point. Visualize a see-saw. At one end, put your favorite excess. Put its opposite on the other end. Now focus on the fulcrum, the center point. What would that look like for you? What would bring the see-saw into perfect balance?

The heat may be on, but you don’t have to burn. Stay cool!

mary-deborahking.jpg

Mary Magdalene and the Essence of the Divine Feminine

by Divine FeminineFeatured

July 22nd is the Feast of Mary Magdalene and a good time to celebrate the archetype of the Divine Feminine. Actually, you could call the Magdalene the first feminist as well as the first and foremost of the disciples. Mary Magdalene is one of my spiritual guides, and a powerful presence!

Forget the story you heard of her being a prostitute. Even the Vatican has recanted on that one, although it took them until the 1960s to admit her image as a prostitute was not supported by the text of the Bible. An early pope, Pope Gregory the Great, mixed up Mary Magdalene with another New Testament woman who was a reformed prostitute, thus prompting the legend.

Serious researchers have been busy with various early Christian Gnostic texts, called “codices” that date to the second century. One fragment from a surviving codex is from the Gospel of Mary, where she tells the disciples about a vision she had of Jesus. Peter questions that Jesus would “speak privately with a woman and not openly to us?” Levi tells Peter to cool his hot temper and stop railing against Mary like an adversary—“If the Savior made her worthy, who are you indeed to reject her?”

Indeed, the rock upon which the Church was built, Peter, and the men who changed the Gospels and the New Testament to suit their own purposes all rejected women. But it’s starting to be clear that Mary Magdalene was an important figure among the disciples, that she may have been a wealthy woman whose funds supported the ministry of Jesus in Galilee, and that she played a pivotal role as the first witness to the Resurrection. It also seems to be true that she went to live in France after the crucifixion and died there after many decades spent as a hermit in a cave.

 

Of course, the big question raised by Dan Brown’s bestseller The Da Vinci Code, remains unanswerable—whether or not she was the wife of Jesus and bore him a child, making her the Holy Grail, the depository of the blood of Christ. There are those who believe the Wedding at Cana was their wedding, and that Jesus supplied the wine, as was customary for the groom.

 

As time goes on, we will have more information from codices like the Gospel of Thomas, the Gospel of Philip, and the Acts of Peter. Mary plays an important role in all three, and is often seen as the only one of the disciples to ask intelligent questions instead of being confused. It’s said over and over that Jesus loves her more than any of the others because of her spiritual understanding.

Rather than being the sinner who was redeemed by the love of Jesus, Mary comes off as one of the leaders of the early Gnostic Christians. But the Church is still reluctant to grant her too much of an uplifted status. If indeed Mary was such a potent female among the disciples, the traditional argument for an all-male priesthood gets shot down, and it becomes clearer that the role of women like Mary was eliminated as much as possible from the Bible.

One fascinating study mentions that the Hebrew word the Essenes used for their priestesses was Kedushah, which literally means feminine holiness, or holy woman. Unlike the Essenes, mainstream Judaism did not permit women to be priests. In mainstream Judaism, the term Kedushah is a slur against women who would enter the priesthood, conveying the idea that such a woman is a harlot. So the word means both a holy female devotee and harlot. We see where the confusion about Mary Magdalene could have come in.

My hope is that Mary will continue to be resurrected as a holy woman, the essence of feminine holiness, the one who never deserted Jesus as he went through his trials. And some day, perhaps, women in general will get the respect they deserve as the true holy grails of feminine wisdom and spirituality.

mirror-mirror.jpg

Mirror, mirror

by Uncategorized

You’re sitting outside on a beautiful summer day, sipping your iced green tea and reading the latest celebrity gossip when some lunkhead trips and spills his double espresso all over your white skirt. You jump up and start screaming at him at the top of your lungs.

Wow! Sure the guy was a clumsy jerk, but where did the depth of your rage come from?

If you really want to know what you’re feeling, look at how you react to someone or some circumstance outside yourself. We project our emotions onto those around us—both in our intimate relationships and with total strangers.

Think about it. How nice are you when a telemarketer calls at dinnertime, or when someone with a thick accent answers your call for technical help with your computer? What’s your automatic reaction when someone cuts you off on the freeway? Do you make nasty comments to the girl behind the counter at the dry cleaner when your favorite silk shirt comes back with stains, as if it were her fault?

Of course, in our daily life, it’s the people we are closest to that act as a mirror to our emotions. We tend to surround ourselves with those people who mirror the problems that we haven’t yet resolved inside ourselves. By seeing ourselves reflected in that mirror, we will eventually see what it is we have to work on. How do you feel when the kids at school bully your child? What do you do when you have a sneaking suspicion your husband is having an affair? How do you feel about caring for your parent with Alzheimer’s?

Basically, we incarnate in order to have relationships, although we may not figure that out till we’re much older. We think we are here to conquer the world, or to save the planet, or to have kids, or to grow pretty flowers in our garden, but it is relationships that are the essential ingredient for our growth and the evolution of our consciousness.

 

When we choose an intimate partner, in particular, we unconsciously look for somebody who is going to mirror back to us our own unresolved issues—the ones we brought with us from childhood or from previous lifetimes. For example, maybe your father left the family when you were four, or maybe you felt abandoned by your father even though he stayed because he paid zero attention to you; chances are you will pick a partner who brings out that very issue by abandoning you either emotionally or walking out on you physically. You have recreated a situation that mirrors your earlier situation so you can have the chance to heal that wound.

 

We choose to take on the problems inherent in relationships because, on a soul level, we realize that our interaction with others is the fastest way to become the very highest version of ourselves that we can be. There is nothing like struggling with an aging parent, a rebellious child, a straying spouse, or a demanding boss to bring up all your own issues. And it is that interaction that will move you along on the road to enlightenment.

dk.sss2

Scared of Your Emotions?

by HealthTruth Heals

 

When you see a mother with her baby, are you jealous? Or are you relieved it’s not you? Or maybe angry that she could have one, but you can’t? What about your feelings about your partner, or lack of? How do you feel walking in to work? When your kid flunks a test? When your computer crashes?

Are you afraid of what you feel? Scared that the emotion will cover you over like a tsunami and drag you out to sea? Take over your life?

If you’re trying to heal yourself, you will have to learn to release the toxic emotions you buried because you were afraid to feel them. You won’t want to dwell on the feelings as they come up or beat yourself up about them or try to change them. You’ll want to observe the emotions as if they are passing clouds—you feel the emotion arising, acknowledge it, and then watch as the storm clouds blow away.

Of course, it takes some time to be able to get comfortable with your emotions and not get caught up in them. I remember being in a courtroom as a young attorney during the time I was learning to name and acknowledge my emotions. I would write down what I was feeling in the margins of my brief, which was usually jealous, jealous, jealous. That’s how I felt about all those other lawyers who seemed so self-assured. It took a long time for me to feel comfortable with my jealousy and to stop trying to make it disappear. But when I did, I was able to uncover the fear that had created the jealousy, so I could then deal with it.

If I were to ask you, What are you feeling right now? would you be able to answer?

Here are words for some of the emotions, to get you started.

  • Fear is always the basis of the other emotions. It ranges from anxiety and nervousness (including worry, distress, dread, dismay) to fright, horror, or shock that can lead into panic, terror, or hysteria. Or maybe you’re just shaking in your shoes or have butterflies in your stomach!
  • Jealousy includes envy, wanting what other people have, or you can be filled with resentment, bitterness, or spite.
  • Anger goes from irritation to rage. You can be annoyed, mad, furious, disgusted, or spiteful. Do you see red? Maybe your anger is nothing more than displeasure or pique rather than being infuriated.
  • Sadness moves from feelings of self-pity to suffering hurt or anguish or grief. We can be wounded, upset, devastated, or simply unhappy, miserable, or gloomy. Maybe you’ve just got the blues.
  • Shame can come from disgrace or dishonor, humiliation, embarrassment, or indignity. It is closely related to guilt—remorse or plain old regret.
  • On the other hand, you can be filled with love and affection, be cheerful, proud, full of optimism and joy. Are you content and happy? Hopeful? Maybe blissful, in good spirits, without a care in the world.

As you can see, there are a lot of choices when it comes to naming your emotions. Let your choice be guided by your “gut feelings.” When you feel a sense of connection with a particular word, write it down in your journal and try to elaborate on what is causing it.

Now can you answer the question: What do I feel right now?

Just pick a word. It would be nice once in a while to have words like peaceful, happy, and cheerful. But whatever the word is, be really honest about it. Don’t try to change it and don’t criticize yourself; instead, congratulate yourself for the awareness. Absolutely everything starts with awareness.