Deborah King, Author at Deborah King

MINNESOTA BRIDGE COLLAPSE – HOW TO HANDLE GRIEF/LOSS

MINNESOTA BRIDGE COLLAPSE – HOW TO HANDLE GRIEF/LOSS

August 2, 2007

Grief is a normal process that results when we experience grief and loss, like those who lost friends or loved ones in the horrific bridge collapse.

We will all experience loss during our lifetimes. Even little children experience loss, for example when a pet dies or a best friend moves away. If we don’t allow ourselves to grieve, we trap that emotion inside our body where it can do damage to us later, making us feel angry, sad, depressed, and ultimately, sick.

The people of Minnesota are setting a great example for the rest of the country in the way they are responding as they gather together, both formally and informally, and talk about their feelings. The City is doing a great job of hosting a more formal group that thousands can attend. This allows all those present, plus all of us watching on TV, to feel a sense of connection to one another, which is the best way to go through grief.

If we can also incorporate some physical movement, even something as simple as rocking in a chair or a swing, or gentle walking, that will help us move through our own grief, so that we will be able again to feel joy once the time for grieving has passed.

Are Celebs Causing Our Girls To Go Wild?

Are Celebs Causing Our Girls to Go Wild?

August 1, 2007

Parents are justifiably worried about their young girls and their increasingly wild behavior. They blame celeb role models like Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, and Nicole Ritchie, who flaunt with abandon their body parts, their uncontrolled drinking and drugging, and their DUIs.

But celebs aren’t the root of the problem; their behavior is just another symptom. The real cause is messages passed down from parents to young girls, many of them unconscious, like:if ou have to be popular to be happy

§ if you’re not happy, turn to a substance like I do to mask your feelings

§ if you’re not pretty (read fat), no one will love you

§ if you’re too smart, you’ll scare off the guys

§ you’re incomplete without a man

Gal celebs and our daughters are wilder today because they’re in resistance to these not-so-subliminal messages. Marriage, if it happens at all, is at an older age. It’s girls now who act so wild (the Brit Pack has replaced the Brat Pack) – they’re acting out their anger and confusion about these messages.

Our celebs are living the same lies as our daughters and a lot of their wild behavior is a result of those lies. They’re just teenagers or 20-somethings who are somebody else’s daughter, desperately trying to find themselves and figure out if the messages they got from their parents and society-at-large are valid.

What can parents can do to protect their daughters from this trend?

§ uncover the messages they’re sending their daughters

§ change the messages to ones that work today

§ give their daughters ways to build real self-esteem

SLOWING DOWN

Slowing Down

Is it possible to slow our lives down without quitting the job, selling the house, and running away with the circus?

Actually, throwing your life out the window isn’t the answer. Because no matter where you run, you take yourself with you. Do you know what I mean? You can say you are frazzled because of traffic, or your coworkers, or you don’t love your job. But then you realize that some of the frazzle is coming from inside you. That isn’t easy, but it is freeing to say,“Wow. Some of this craziness is my own! There are things I can do to take that wasted energy out of the situation. I am not the victim here. I am an active participant!” It can be a shock, I know.

If you want to be free from that feeling of running on the hamster wheel, swimming upstream, riding in a canoe with no paddle, what can we do? Is it really something we can change?

Here are a couple of simple but effective things to put into your life if you are serious about wanting release.

A lot of it is about time. There is a fixed amount of time each day, and we just can’t cram more minutes into an hour. Time is not the enemy, it is a tool we can use to live life fully. Fully, not crammed and overflowing. Too many of us are beating ourselves up believing we fail each day, because we are trying to do the work of three people. Trying to please everyone or to be in two places at once is a very damaging cycle. So the first thing is to realize that we can’t do it all. We can do a lot, and we can feel successful, but we just can’t do it all.

Next, we have to value self-care. Use some kind of a plan book, something rather detailed, and schedule the top three self-care items you have been neglecting. Seriously! You know what they are, whether it is more sleep, a decent meal, or an overdue physical exam, schedule them like an appointment with someone important. We may have to sort of pretend that part at first, that the appointment is with someone important. Many of us have tossed our own personal needs in the back of a closet somewhere, and now we have to learn to meet those needs all over again. And it really is okay to start out that way, if that’s what it takes.

Sure, maybe you look okay on the outside; I’ve done that, believe me! But it doesn’t matter if your nails are painted, your hair is coiffed, and your suit is pressed. If your stomach is in a knot and your head is spinning, you are not fooling yourself. You just can’t lie to your body.

Once you get some self-care scheduled, it is time to get some quiet time into your day. Put the brakes on for a few minutes, sit still, and either look at a soothing view or image or close your eyes. Just breathe. Listen to your breath and notice if your chest is tight or relaxed, see where your shoulders are. Get to know what is going on with your body, where you are holding the stress in your life … because it is in there somewhere. Each time you do this, your day will benefit, your body will thank you, it will break that cycle for a moment and re-set your priorities.

How to be Optimistic with a Cancer Diagnosis

How to be Optimistic with a Cancer Diagnosis

June 19, 2007

When I was diagnosed with cancer, my first reaction was the normal one: fear. Oh my god, I’m going to die! The first reaction is always fear. Hey, it’s scary. And you’re in shock. Then comes denial. This can’t be happening; there must be a mistake. Then anger. Why me? What did I do to deserve this? Blame. The government should have banned DDT sooner. It’s all the pesticides and plastics… And self-blame. I knew I should have had more pap smears. Mostly, there’s confusion—a jumble of thoughts racing around your brain at a million miles an hour. How did I get it? Could I have prevented it? And biggest of all: What’s going to happen? Will I die? Be disfigured? On and on and on…

First, don’t assume the worst. Cancer is not a death sentence these days.

Second, get more than one professional opinion.

Third, do your research and make a list of all the options, including both traditional and alternative ones. Explore visualization, acupuncture, spiritual counseling, prayer, homeopathy, herbs and diet. Consider combining treatment modalities.

It’s important, right from the very beginning, to treat not only the physical problem, but also your emotional and psychological health. Realize you’re going to need a lot of support from family and friends, and possibly from professional therapists. Keep a journal as a way to express your feelings. Know which people in your life can listen to you with an open heart and no judgment. If you don’t know anyone, your doctor can usually recommend a support group.

Breathe! And ground. Reconnect to Mother Earth. We need Mother Earth to heal. Go outside. Walk barefoot on the lawn, the beach. Pet the dog. Listen to the cat purring. Eat lunch on the porch. Meditate under a tree. If for some reason you can’t get outside, take a bubble bath and release your emotions into the water (do that anyway).

The biggest mistake people often make is they believe that they are the diagnosis. Whenever someone comes to me having just received a cancer diagnosis, the first thing I say to her is: Cancer is nothing more than a part of you that has forgotten who it is. It’s a part of us that has gone astray, and all we have to do is reconnect and reintegrate that part.

The second biggest mistake is not getting enough rest. Your mind is in torment—blaming yourself, not seeing any way out, panicked. Without a good night’s sleep, your mind is even more prone to head into fearful territory. Find a way to get some rest, even taking sleeping aids if necessary. If you’re not already a practiced meditator, don’t try to learn now. Instead, try listening to relaxation tapes, like those of Louise Hay.

When we suppress our emotions, we block the free flow of our own healing energy in our body. If we also get mad at God—this isn’t fair! Why me?—we lose our connection to our higher Self. The seventh chakra closes down and we lose our access to the place that knows the answers, that already knows how to heal.

Instead of suppressing emotions like fear, anger, resentment, and rage, express them: cry, scream, beat a pillow, go to the beach and scream into the waves – let those emotions pass through you and into the ground.

Find a daily ritual that works to help you find your center—that place inside where you’re always okay, no matter what. Set up an altar with things that remind you of what’s important in your life—pictures of your kids, pets, spiritual teachers, religious icons, etc.—and sit there for ten minutes a day, appreciating what you do have. Gratitude is an important part of healing.

Read inspiring books, go online and find people who beat cancer, watch videos that make you laugh, get some exercise and fresh air every day, watch sunrises and sunsets. Don’t isolate yourself. Connect to Mother Earth, connect to your higher Self, connect to positive people, organizations, and communities.

Music, books, and audio CDs can help you get through this time. The Journey Through Cancer, by Jeremy Geffen, MD, is an excellent guide to integrating conventional and non-traditional physical, psychological, and spiritual approaches to cancer. Peace, Love and Healing: Bodymind Communication & the Path to Self-Healing,by Bernie S. Siegel is another.

Check out the CDs that are available at www.soundstrue.com and www.HayHouse.com such as Cancer as a Turning Point, Volume II; Cancer: Discovering Your Healing Power,Louise Hay; The Power of the Mind to Heal,Joan Borysenko, Ph.D.; Deep Rest,Tom Kenyon; Heal Yourself With Sound & Music,Don Campbell.

A cancer diagnosis is really a call to transform yourself. It’s an opportunity to change your lifestyle, to change the things you’ve probably needed to change for years. Thank your body for inspiring you to make the changes you’ve been putting off— process old hurts and angers, work through the old lies and let truth be your healer. At the same time, move toward a better diet, exercise, friendships, a healthier living situation, so that when the cancer is gone, you have a healthier, happier you!

TRUTH AND THE TOUR DE FRANCE

Last summer’s Tour de France winner, Floyd Landis, finished his doping hearing in Malibu yesterday. Whether he is ultimately found guilty or not of doping during last summer’s ride, it has brought the subject of truth-telling to the front page.

Cycling legend’s Greg Lemond’s testimony got everybody’s attention. Greg, a three-time Tour winner, said he had talked to Floyd about his doping charge last summer and Floyd had implicitly admitted it. Greg urged him to “come clean” and not deny the truth. He told Landis that he had learned firsthand that hiding the truth is damaging, citing sexual abuse he’d endured during childhood. “It destroyed me to keep that secret,” Lemond told Landis. “I believe you to be a good person in a bad sport that needs some cleaning up.” Lemond went on to advise: “for your own health and future, not to keep any such secret bottled up.”

Lemond had another bombshell: he said he received a phone call the night before he was scheduled to testify from Landis’ business manager, threatening to “out” Lemond about the sexual abuse if he implicated Landis in the investigation. Lemond reported the threat to authorities; Landis fired his business manager the next day.

The effects of the Malibu hearings and Greg’s stand were felt in Germany yesterday, where a doping admission by the popular rider Zabel,“Mr. Clean,” was front-page news. And this morning, Tour de France race director Christian Prudhomme called for more cyclists to speak out. He said “the law of silence is not totally broken, but the wall is crumbling.”

Landis continues to deny using illicit drugs despite incriminating samples. Upon cross-examination, experts testified that drug tests are not “perfect.” This type of legalistic posturing flies in the face of what people like Lemond know in the marrow of their bones: that truth heals all.

Greg Lemond acted in accord with this basic principle. Life has shown him the cost of living a lie and the boon that comes with telling the truth, no matter how painful it may be. His stand with fellow athlete and champion Landis reflects this commitment, as did his refusal to be blackmailed.

If Landis were to demonstrate this kind of courage and admit to breaking the rules, he would be in a unique position to speak a larger truth: drug use is rampant in the cycling world as it is in many competitive sports. So prevalent is the use of performance-enhancing illicit substances, it is nearly impossible to compete without the superhuman boost they provide. When one athlete takes a stand, the whole sporting world will take notice and one day soon that truth will provide the impetus to turn the tide.

Owen Wilson’s Attempted Suicide

We look up to our celebs, hoping that they escape all the problems that the rest of us face, such as loss of love relationships and career dissatisfaction, but they don’t. In Owen’s case, we can speculate that his recent break-up with Kate Hudson, followed by her publicized new romance, could have been the straw that broke the camel’s back.  In fact, these depressing life events are even more stressful for celebs because they are in the public eye, and that in and of itself causes tremendous stress. It’s one thing to have your girlfriend break up with you, and quite another to have it happen in front of millions of curious onlookers.

Suicide is the 11th most common cause of death in the U.S. One of the best antidotes to thoughts that can lead to suicidal impulses is to find out what we really think. We all lie to ourselves all the time and band-aid over our real feelings so much of the time we don’t even really know how we feel. I travel the country putting on Truth Heals™ seminars, where people can come and really express themselves. There they find a safe place to get in touch with their real feelings. Feelings like jealousy or resentment, if not addressed, can lead to depression and suicidal thoughts.

Other possible causes of suicidal thoughts are side effects from both street and prescription drugs. (Paradoxically, suicidal impulses are a side effect to some major anti-depressive drugs!) The drugs can leave someone very imbalanced from any major stress, from divorce to job loss to a death in the family. Any trauma can cause significant clinical depression that can lead to suicidal thoughts. I worked with a man at a seminar in NY who had become suicidal after a bout with heat stroke. It can be something that simple.

Another celeb hazard lies, oddly enough, in their very talent. Owen is actually a very talented writer; he was nominated for an Academy Award for his screenplay,“The Royal Tennebaums.” It’s a fact that the more talent a person has, the more likely they will have complex and troubling emotions. Think Virginia Woolf and Hunter Thompson, Halle Berry and Rosie O’Donnell—all have been wracked by depression.

Then there’s that special comedic talent – unfortunately,just below laughter, there are always tears. It takes someone who can feel deeply to make us laugh. Owen is the clown archetype in modern dress. Chances are, he’s been creating laughs because he may tend toward depression. Think John Belushi and Robin Williams. The clown archetype, throughout history, has always been, underneath, a really sad, troubled figure; he makes us laugh to take himself away from his own deeply felt pain. As both a gifted writer and talented actor, it’s no wonder Owen Wilson has had such a hard time staying balanced.

What about fact that his family is famous? This could very well be another factor for Owen. When we think of a safe haven, many of us think of home. But if home involves a lot of competition, expressed or not, it won’t feel safe. It will be just another pressure cooker.

With Owen Wilson, underlying his sporadic reported drug use is depression, and below that festers his real problems, admittedly rooted in self-esteem issues. Owen’s habit of “disappearing” when he is troubled is the worst thing any of us can do to avoid depression; that can lead us to drugs and alcohol.

I urge those who feel depressed or hopeless to talk, whether with a therapist or with family or friends or in a 12-step program – or even by calling 911. Just don’t stop talking. Our fear can really run away with us when we clam up. Don’t feel any shame about it either – there’s no shame in feeling down or lost. If someone you know threatens suicide, always take it seriously and get them help immediately. You won’t be violating their confidence. Those who contemplate suicide aren’t thinking clearly at that moment and will thank you later, when their thinking improves.

In addition to talking about your feelings, another antidote to suicidal thoughts is physical movement, preferably outside. I hold events across the country and work with a lot of very depressed people – depressed about their lives, their health, their lack of prosperity. I help them find that connection back to nature – it can be as small as watching a sunset or petting your dog. Pets are one of the best ways to stay emotionally balanced.

Know that deep depression and suicidal thoughts can happen to anyone, even someone as apparently successful and happy as Owen Wilson. Our thoughts are with him today.

MORE ON JOHN OF GOD

More on John of God

May 17, 2007

Two weeks in Brazil at Casa de Dom Ignacio with John of God and I am deeply moved and changed. Upon first stepping into the long room where the Christian healer performs daily miracles, I felt the energy in the room like a gust of strong wind that almost knocked me off my feet. The room held over a hundred people, sitting in silent meditation and prayer to support the healing work.

I inched closer and closer to the front of the line. As I grew near, what I saw took my breath away. I could see and feel the Christ Light arching out from Joao. I observed him look at each person on multiple levels—physical, emotional, spiritual and genetic—and initiate whatever change would best support the desire of that person’s soul. I knew from my own work that healing aligned with the soul’s purpose does not always involve the cessation of symptoms or “cure” desired by the personality.

When I stepped forward to greet John of God, the state of unconditional love in which he resides while “in entity” enveloped me. I thought: I never want to leave this place. The energy was tangible and electric, full of radiant Light straight from the Source.

While he spoke to me in a foreign tongue, I could see recognition in his eyes – I felt like I knew him from long ago. I was told he had named me a “daughter of the Casa.” The interpreter said this was a great honor and whisked me off to another room where I was given a badge so that I could work in the healer’s room.

Later that day, I received a healing from Joao. Addressing a ski injury that had plagued me for years, he did invisible surgery on my shoulder. No scalpel, no anesthetic, no blood. The injury was healed. Watching him work was among the most exciting and yet deeply humbling experiences of my life.

John of God leaves his body and allows spiritual entities to enter and do the work of healing. These “entities”—the spirits of deceased saints and physicians—are many of the same entities that assist me in my work. However, I do not lose consciousness, and teach my students to remain conscious, as this more modern method is safer.

Joao’s method is a very traditional one that is supported by the culture in which he lives. It is important to understand that what suits one culture may not suit or be supported in another. The visible surgeries Joao performs are a good example of a practice that would not be appropriate here in the U.S.

In Brazil , where such things are consistent with the culture and worldview, the entity working through Joao literally cuts and sews on people while they stand at the front of the room! The anesthetic is a powerful, albeit spiritual, one. There is never a case of infection, although he uses his bare hands and reaches right into the body where he has opened it with a knife. I had the sense that this form of visible surgery is done for those whose faith will only allow them to believe what they can see.

I had occasion to speak with many, many people who had come to Casa do Dom Ignacio for treatment. Although some were suffering terribly from bodily injury or disease, and many were wheelchair bound, all felt happy to be there. Among the saddest cases were the many parents whose children had birth defects. Rarely treatable on the physical level, these children and their parents were nonetheless blessed with healing for the soul. Most everyone I spoke with reported being positively changed by the visit. Many emphasized spiritual changes over physical ones.

I can attest to the authenticity of John of God’s work with a sure and grateful heart and plan to return to the Casa to work with him again

John of God

John of God

May 10, 2007

I am here in South America working with John of God, the renowned Christian healer. I came to Brazil to experience his work and connect more deeply with Source.

Modern life presents us with quite a challenge to stay connected with our innermost self. If I’m not aware and attentive, a few months of long hours a day at work can leave me feeling out of sync and disconnected from Nature. The constant electronic and cyber interfaces pull me out of the natural realm, and I must be intentional about spending time outdoors to replenish and restore my vital energy.

Life in this small South American village reveals a whole different pace and way of life. Dirt roads, a sparse automobile here and there, a pay phone that I have to walk ten minutes to find. Children and dogs playing in the street. Roosters crowing at dawn. People riding their rickety old bikes into the village in the morning to get to work. Life here is slow and lazy. One woman sweeps out her shop and chats with a neighbor. Everything slows down as the sun crosses high overhead. Work horses pull carts full of bricks and boards or freely stroll the streets alongside their human friends, stopping to nibble the grass or wander into an nearby field. At 5 in the afternoon, everyone stops to sit on the front stoop and chat their way through the long soft evening. These people spend their evenings mesmerized by the sunset and the moonrise rather than the TV.

As I fall into this rhythm, every cell in my body seems to slow down. My meditations deepen, as does my breathing. I sleep as soundly as I have in a decade. I realize how little I really need: a few pieces of clothing, a small shard of soap, a pair of sandals, a prayer book.

With a little effort, we can achieve this same state of peace in the middle of a hectic city. Take a moment right now to take a deep breath and look out the window at the sky. Feel your feet on the floor and imagine that they are rooted in the warm, soft earth beneath you. Take a few moments later today and go out into your yard or a nearby park. Stand with your bare feet on the ground and simply admire the beauty of nature. Do a few stretches and feel how your own body fits into Nature with seamless perfection. Take a moment and chat with your neighbors or smile and greet a passerby.

We tend to lose touch with our natural rhythms when life requires a fast and furious pace. Something as simple as noticing the feel of the air or the sound of a bird’s call can help you get back in sync. Once in a while, we would all do well to give ourselves the gift of a weekend away. So go ahead–visit a small town or take a camping trip and slow your life down. You will be delighted with the benefits.

VIRGINIA TECH – HOW TO HANDLE TRAUMA

April 19, 2007

Witnessing violence, like the students at Virginia Tech did this week, can wreak havoc with our bodies. Typical initial reactions are feelings of not really being here, feeling disbelief, floating or spacey or detached. These are feelings of shock. It’s very important to actively work our way out of shocking incidents, even if we only saw it on television; otherwise, it can cause us trouble later. Post traumatic stress syndrome, suffered by so many Vietnam and Iraqi vets, is the medical term for what can happen when we store trauma in our bodies.

There are 4 steps you can take to alleviate the effects when you’ve been exposed to violence:

(1) Talk about it. That actually releases the stored violence from the body.

(2) Touch your own body or have someone else give you gentle, reassuring touch. The violence is surreal, and feeling our own bodies helps us reconnect to reality again and to realize that we are safe.

(3) Connect with nature, like sit on your lawn or pet your dog. This reconnects us back to our bodies, which we sort of leave when we are frightened.

(4) Say to yourself,I want to be here now. This counters our unconscious desire to leave our bodies when we are faced with danger. When we are not in our bodies, we are at risk for accident and disease.

I would worry about post traumatic stress symptoms showing up for the Virginia Tech students when they go back home in three weeks. While they’re still at school and connected to one another, they’ll probably be okay. It’s after they get home that they may experience phobias or insomnia or digestive disorders or substance abuse. These are all indications that they haven’t yet successfully processed the violence out of their bodies. It’s really important that they address the trauma they took in as soon as possible.

MINDSET OF THE VIRGINIA TECH SHOOTER

April 18, 2007

What was going through his head? What drives a person to commit this kind of mass murder? What did his writings reveal about his personality?

Were the shooter’s actions triggered by just one traumatic event or did he suffer several traumatic events that he internalized, which over time lead to this blowout?

The shooter most likely had been through some kind of major trauma or loss during his life and, instead of dealing with the trauma in healthy way, he stored his own hurt, pain, and loss as bitterness and rage and plotted revenge on anyone and/or everyone. His writings reflected an obsession with violence, which indicated that he relished the idea of shocking and repulsing people.

When someone has been through trauma, they feel an overwhelming sense of helplessness and they can strike back to regain power and control. The shooter had perceived the world as unfair and he was determined to have power over the world he believed had injured him.

By students reports, he was a loner; he had detached himself from any positive social contact. Instead, he was absorbed in his fantasies and plans for revenge.

DON IMUS AND THE TRUTH

CBS and MSNBC have taken a stand for human dignity and yet, strange as it may seem, Don Imus doesn’t get it. After being fired for his comments about the women’s basketball team at Rutgers University, he showed no remorse for harm done and continued to speak defensively during a half-day live fundraiser on the radio yesterday. The shock-jock seems oblivious to the impact of his derogatory comments on race, gender, and sexual preference, although he can no longer deny the impact—what he called a “perilous predicament”—on his career and public life.

How does a man like Imus hide from the pain in Serena Williams’ eyes over being compared to a jungle animal on his show? Does he stuff cotton in his ears when Della Reese talks about the effect of racist talk on a young girl whose athletic gift and hope for the future is shut down in the face of exploitation and humiliation on the world stage?

Unfortunately, the antidote to racism and sexism is not as simple as pulling a couple of cotton balls out of our ears. Like so many of us, Imus evidences a deeply held unconscious belief about women and people of color. What came out of Don is exactly what is inside Don.

The Imus affair is just the tip of the iceberg. It’s not just about Imus—this is about deeply held prejudices that live inside us all. The Imus incident is a wake-up call, a chance to examine our own conscience. Do we believe that some group, because of color or accent or sexual preference is somehow not as good as we are? When we hear the word “doctor,” how many of us automatically assume it’s a man? Do we assume that anyone who has a menial job must be Hispanic and should feel lucky to work so hard for so little? Do we secretly believe that someone who is gay and has AIDS probably deserved it?

We can use what happened to Don to get to our own personal and collective truth about how we really feel about others. Don showed his shadow side, but like all “shock jocks” he is the product of his listeners. His downfall opens the door for all of us to heal.

Making Contact

Making Contact

April 5, 2007

Loneliness and isolation seem almost endemic in the electronic age. We e-mail our friends for the sake of expedience instead of calling them on the phone. We send a text message to our children to find out when to expect them home. We settle for voicemail when we can’t reach a colleague or associate; why, we can even plan an entire client presentation without ever looking in our business partner’s eye. But at what price do we rely on all this electronic wizardry? What are we missing when we do what is expedient rather than what makes a real connection with another by putting us in verbal if not visual and physical contact?

Actual contact with another living, breathing being is known to heal. A pair of premature twins was placed in separate incubators, much to the chagrin of one highly intuitive nurse. One of the twins was not expected to survive. The nurse broke hospital rules and placed the babies side by side in one incubator. The healthier of the two preemies threw an arm over the other. Shortly thereafter, the smaller infant’s heart rate stabilized and her temperature rose to normal.

At the most basic level, we are designed to fall into synch or resonance with another. Some half century ago, a biology student extracted a cell from a live rodent’s heart and put it in solution to view it through a microscope. The single cell pulsed for a while and then fibrillated before it expired. Then two live heart cells were put on the slide and once one began to fibrillate they were moved closer together. The death spasm ceased and the two cells began pulsing together like a microscopic heart.

If your twin or matching heart cell is not around, a dog will do. Research has shown conclusively that pet ownership has many health benefits, from lowered blood pressure and increased immunity to helping troubled teens learn basic empathy. Dog owners live longer, and fare better after heart surgery. Pets love us no matter what. They provide companionship and unconditional love. In one study, having a pet affected patients’ survival rates even more than having a spouse or friends. Pet owners are known to have fewer visits to the doctor. Owning a pet can relieve loneliness, fight depression, and help us cope with stress.

Some old wives tales and common sayings turn out to be scientifically verifiable and based on fact: two really is better than one, and dog really is a man or woman’s best friend.

COMMENTS ON TO CATCH A PREDATOR

March 15, 2007

Replays from “To Catch a Predator” are everywhere on the news today, no doubt due to the fact that its creator, Chris Hanson, launched his book,To Catch a Predator: Protecting Your Kids from Online Enemies Already in Your Home, this week.

Does his sting operation deter child predators?

My professional experience would lead me to say “no.” I’ve worked extensively in my private practice with both victims and perpetrators of child sexual abuse. Perpetrators often feel a compelling urge to engage in this activity, for reasons they can’t fathom. Fear of being caught simply isn’t a strong enough deterrent. The sad fact is that almost inevitably perpetrators were similarly abused themselves, but have no memory of it, and, unconsciously, they feel compelled to recreate it.

The solution is openness and education: our society needs to be able to address it frankly. It is still not acceptable conversation in most circles. All of us, and especially parents and children, need to be able to discuss it freely. Children need to know that the most likely predator is a family member. The more light that is brought to the subject, the more it is removed from darkness, the faster we can eliminate this tendency from our cellular memory, from our collective unconscious.

Worse,To Catch a Predator teaches values that are dead wrong: we are encouraged to enjoy watching the entrapment of human beings, wrong as their actions are. The creator seems to take particular pleasure in watching his quarry squirm, which teaches us all to tolerate, even enjoy, the pain and agony of others.

The logical next step has already occurred: it is being reproduced and parodied on YouTube.

Any good that is accomplished by To Catch a Predator is overshadowed by its tendency to make the perpetrator more desperate and drive his/her activities more deeply underground and make the rest of us numb to the afflictions of others.make the perpetrator more desperate and drive his/her activities more deeply underground and make the rest of us numb to the afflictions of others.

ANNA-NICOLE SMITH

What could Anna-Nicole Smith have done differently to avoid such an untimely death?

I wish I could have been there for her, so that she could have begun the process of turning her life around from tragedy to happiness. She had all the earmarks of an abusive childhood; on one interview a few years ago, she indicated that her refusal to speak to her mother was linked to childhood abusive experiences at the hands of her stepfather. One can only speculate about what really went on there.

With nothing to rely on but her looks, which is a fact for so many of us women, she turned to drugs and alcohol to ease feelings of insecurity that plagued her. Despite all of her gifts and accomplishments and beauty, she saw herself as poor and uneducated and needed someone like Howard K. Stern to keep her together. The older she got, the more insecure she became about her beauty– just like her mentor, Marilyn Monroe. Like Marilyn, she had a string of men; like Marilyn, she alternated between pure seduction and helplessness. Also like Marilyn, I can discern Anna Nicole suffered from the fear of being alone and of being controlled. So her whole relationship with Howard K. Stern was conflicted, with her need for companionship competing with her resentment about his overly controlling nature.

Where she could have turned it around was by getting in touch with her core truth about her abusive childhood. At my public Truth Heals™ events, I help people find the core truth that is robbing them of health and wealth and happiness. Anna Nicole had her whole childhood really bottled up, and that’s likely why she ended up with a substance abuse problem. If she had been able to keep her friends and family close (which Howard didn’t allow, with his controlling issues), she might have felt safe enough to get the professional help she needed to get free of her drug addictions.

If she had been free of drugs, it would have been unlikely that her son, Daniel, would have died from a Methadone overdoes that day. All of us can see that it was likely the death of her son that finally pulled her down. Even with that beautiful baby girl there for her, she was dealing with overwhelming grief at the loss of her son, and very possibly self-blame for his death.

By identifying herself with Marilyn Monroe, she actually connected energetically to that pattern of tragic early death from questionable causes. That is, she used the Law of Attraction here to her detriment.

It would have been so easy to help Anna Nicole to connect instead to a healthy pattern like that of Jane Fonda. Jane conquered an eating disorder and a history of controlling men (all the way from her father to Ted Turner) to become a great example of a self-empowered woman; she speaks her mind in a fascinating autobiography,My Life So Far. Anna Nicole, had she had the same opportunities, could certainly have turned out the same. It’s important that we, as a culture, all focus on her life and death because it teaches us about the dangers of denying our own truths.

O.J. SIMPSON’S NEW BOOK,“IF I DID IT”

Reaction to the publication and sensationalistic coverage of O.J. Simpson’s new book,If I Did It, has been visceral. The book is a supposed “hypothetical” exploration of how Simpson would have committed the 1994 slayings of his ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and her friend, Ronald Goldman.

Fox News was set to broadcast a two-part O.J. Simpson interview scheduled for the November ratings sweeps, and Simpson was preparing for a media blitz in promoting the book. But the general public was horrified, and rightfully so. Here is a man who, though judged guilty in a civil court for the deaths of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman, seems to flaunt his guilt. Simpson not only seems to revel in causing pain to the victims’ families, but he also seems to have no concern over the effects his actions will have on his own children.

As the hype surrounding If I Did It grew, so did the public outrage. As a result, over a dozen Fox affiliate stations announced that they would not air the Simpson interview. Borders Group Inc., one of the nation’s largest booksellers, announced that all profits from sales of the book would be donated to charity. Newspaper editorials across the country called for a general boycott of the book. Popular Fox news host Bill O’Reilly said the network’s decision to air the program was “simply indefensible and a low point in American culture.” He was one of many TV talking heads who decried both Simpson and the voyeuristic culture that would encourage such blatantly disgusting opportunism.

The book and television deal have now been canceled. Rupert Murdoch, the head of News Corp., admitted that the fiasco was an “ill-conceived project” and publicly apologized to the families of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman.

Evidently, even in a scandal and celebrity-obsessed society, there is something overtly distasteful about a man profiting from the murder of his ex-wife and the mother of his children. Simpson’s narcissistic behavior—so blatantly arrogant and blind to consequence—strikes a chord deep within us. When someone’s lie is so big, so bold, so all-consuming, we instantly want to distance ourselves. It’s almost instinctual—a gut reaction to avoid contamination.

There is a lesson here. When we allow ourselves to be titillated by juicy details and by outright deception, there is an effect on us personally. It is the trickle-down effect that happens with all lies. We are affected by what we see and where our attention is focused. This serves as a reminder to constantly guard against dishonesty creeping into our lives, in whatever form. As Thanksgiving approaches, let’s give thanks that our gut instincts, our visceral reactions against dishonesty, do ultimately prevail.

Search..