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Top 5 Steps to Becoming the Real You

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Do you remember the first time you consciously told a lie, even though you knew it was wrong? Most likely it was to a parent, teacher, or other authority figure, and it was probably triggered by fear. How did you feel after the lie was told? Guilty, shameful, scared? Did it fester inside you until you admitted the truth, or did you stay with the lie?

Lying is a Defense Mechanism

As a child, you probably lied to protect yourself; you lied to a parent to get out of trouble or to a teacher to avoid public ridicule. As an adult, you may have lied to your partner, usually about either sex or money. But lying to others is only half the equation; that defense mechanism also includes lying to yourself. You may tell yourself that you’re fine, even when you feel crushed. No, that rejection didn’t hurt. I didn’t really care about that promotion or that relationship anyway.

You may tell yourself that your feelings are “unacceptable,” or that you “owe” it to a loved one to behave a certain way or follow a certain path. You may even convince yourself that someone else’s dream is really your own. But all of these lies create little pockets of darkness inside; they’re like cancer cells that fester and multiply until the truth comes out. That’s what happened to me: the sexual abuse that I couldn’t acknowledge even to myself became a diagnosis of cancer in my twenties.

 

Live Your Authentic Self

When you suppress your true feelings or follow a path that isn’t really yours, you aren’t living your authentic self. Your soul made a plan for this life before you incarnated, and that plan is your true life purpose. Acting in line with your life purpose is one way to live in the light, another step on the path toward expanded consciousness.

As an energy healer and spiritual teacher, I often see students doing their best to live in the light, but they keep hitting roadblocks. These students may practice meditation, they connect with nature, they participate in energy healing, but they may be still not getting the results they desire. When I look at their energy field, I can see that they are living a lie.

Perhaps they are gay but keeping it a secret; perhaps they want a divorce but are too afraid to upset the family; or their career was the dream of a parent and not what they wanted for themselves. As soon as they can admit the truth to themselves, the real healing can begin.

 

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Unmask the True You

One of the greatest gifts of energy healing is its ability to reveal the true you. Just like those students, you, too, can admit the truth and take a big step toward living authentically.

Here are five ways to live your most authentic life:

  1. Find your authentic self.

In order to live as your true self, you first have to find out who that is. There is an entire spiritual practice based on a seemingly simply question: Who am I? Are you really any of your labels—daughter, partner, mother, sibling, teacher? Are you your job? Who are you if you are not any of your societal roles? As the practice takes you deeper and deeper into meditating upon who you are not, eventually you come to realize that who you are is a soul, a spiritual being connected to Source. Indeed, you are Spirit. This is the deepest level of understanding your authentic self.

Even knowing you are Spirit, you still need to live in the world as authentically as possible. Ask yourself: what makes you feel joy? What are your passions? Your strengths? Your weaknesses? What qualities would you like to cultivate in yourself? What do you want? What makes you feel free? What would you fight for? What values are important to you? This last one is particularly important, as your actions should be in line with the principles you want to live by. When you know what you want and what you care about in this world, then it’s much easier to be authentic.

  1. Express your truth.

The first step is admitting your truth to yourself, and the next step is expressing it. Even if you can’t yet speak your true feelings or beliefs aloud, write them in your journal. Eventually you may be able to say what you think and feel to the important people in your life. A heavy weight lifts when you admit your truth. Imagine how great it feels to have your loved ones love the real you! A friend of mine recently admitted, first to himself and then to his family and friends, that living as a male was a lie and his most authentic self was really female. It took a lot of soul searching and bravery, but decades of unhappiness lifted as he started his transition, and now “he” is happy and proud to a “she.”

 

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  1. Confront your fear.

Often the truth that you keep hidden is directly related to fear. Maybe you worry your loved ones will reject you or cut you from their life if they know the truth. You might fear isolation, loneliness, anger, or even attack, but if you keep repressing your feelings, they can become lodged in your chakras and create mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual problems much worse than the possible repercussions of expressing the truth. Many students come to my healing courses and workshops looking for relief from pain, but what they also find is relief from the constant struggle of dealing with fear.

  1. Discover what you truly believe.

Energy medicine will help you dig down and discover what you really believe, rather than what you were taught to believe. As a child, you soaked up every tidbit from your parents, teachers, and the culture at large. You learned things like “boys don’t cry” or “girls must be seen but not heard,” or more personal messages, like “you must follow in the family business.” A large part of becoming your true self is figuring out what it is you truly believe, and what beliefs are not true for you and should be discarded.

  1. Trust your gut.

The messages you get from your gut come from your higher self, which knows your soul purpose in this life. When you need to make a decision, listen to your gut. Your body doesn’t lie, and following its direction will steer you toward the course you are meant to travel.

People who live as their true selves are happier, healthier, and don’t carry the heavy burden of living through lies. Energy medicine will facilitate your ability to hear your intuition, express and release old emotions and traumas, and connect you to your higher self—all of which move you toward becoming your true, authentic self.

 

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Deborah King