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Culture Made Me Do It

by Celebrities

It was a “loosey-goosey” era; he didn’t even know what he was taking. A-Rod has a number of excuses for why he took performance enhancing drugs – from it was hot in Texas to he was young and naïve. Is he kidding? And do we believe him when he says he regrets his actions? He says, “I did take a banned substance. You know, for that I’m very sorry and deeply regretful.” As I watched him, I filled in the blanks. I’m deeply regretful that I got caught. My BS radar is finely tuned, and while A-Rod is professing honesty now, he is as far from the truth as ever. Check out my blog at the Huffington Post and Psychology Today for this and other posts regarding liars in the media.

a-rod1Posted February 11, 2009 | 02:10 PM (EST)
The last time we heard this much about A-Rod, he was seen coming and going with hot mama Madonna. Their alleged romance led up to his divorce, and a lousy season with the Yankees. But that’s so yesterday’s news. Sex has been left far afield in favor of… Read Post

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Rihanna and Chris Brown

by Celebrities

Feb. 18, 2009

I’ve been following the Chris Brown and Rihanna story with interest. Here are two young people beloved by millions of teenaged fans who are living out a very public demonstration of domestic violence. While the world waits to see what they each will do about the situation (will Chris’ career go down the tubes? will Rihanna go back to him?), I try to go behind the headlines and into what led them to this troubled event.

Happier Times
Happier Times
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Heather Locklear and Possible Prescription Abuse

by Celebrities

Heather Locklear, the former “Melrose Place” star, has been fined and placed on informal probation. She pled “no contest” to a reduced charge of reckless driving, which reduced the original charge of driving under the influence of prescription drugs. Heather was fined $700 and ordered to take a 12-hour driving program. In June, she checked herself into rehab for what was termed “anxiety and depression,” likely doublespeak for another issue. In September, she had been pulled over for driving erratically and was found to be under the influence of prescription drugs.

If Heather has a problem with prescription drugs, the State of California has just enabled her to continue. A sentence that could have actually helped Heather would have to returned her to rehab for an extended stay. Sending her home doesn’t help her at all.

Don’t be ashamed if you or a loved one has a problem with prescription drugs; according to the National Institute of Drug Abuse, this problem has been on the rise for 10 years. In 2004, 9.3 percent of 12-graders reported using Vicodin. And in this troubled economy, people turn even more to substance abuse for relief. A spokesman for Mainstream Kansas City Inc., an alcohol and drug rehab treat center, said, “We’re seeing an extreme uptick in the abuse of pharmacological drugs. We have noticed it for several years, but it really became more pronounced in the last few months.

I hope Heather’s friends and family reach out to help her in this difficult time. As a recovering addict myself, I know how difficult it can be, especially with a perception that the eyes of the world are upon her.

Heather, you get past this!

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Travolta Family Responds to Tragedy

by Celebrities

I’m very impressed with the state of mind of John Travolta and his wife, Kelly Preston, upon the tragic and unexpected death of their 16-year-old son, Jett. Rather than looking for someone or something to blame for his death, they posted this statement on John’s website: “Jett was the most wonderful son that two parents could ever ask for and lit up the lives of everyone he encountered. We are heartbroken that our time with him was so brief. We will cherish the time we had with him for the rest of our lives.”

This is such a positive response to what many would perceive as a negative situation. It’s not that the Travolta’s won’t grieve, as they should. It’s the gratitude they are able to feel, no matter the circumstances. I commend them both.

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But They’ll Ruin Marriage!

by CelebritiesHealthTruth Heals

I could argue about gay marriage until my face turns blue -how sexual orientation is but one part of someone’s identity, how Jesus doesn’t care about whom we love, but that we love. I hope what I say sticks, but if someone were to argue with me till he was blue in the face that gays are evil, worthless, etc…it wouldn’t change my mind. Where does that leave us with gay marriage? It boils down to one thing: civil liberties. We pride ourselves on being the Land of the Free, so we must include everyone in that freedom. Marriage is a basic civil right. If you can’t see allowing gay marriage out of misguided “morals,” why not out of a belief that our country should treat everyone equally? More on this issue and the fear holding gay marriage legislation back on my blog on the Huffington Post.

Posted June 16, 2008 | 09:29 AM (EST)
The weddings start this week in California as gay marriage becomes legal. West Hollywood is thrilled; Bakersfield is not. While others cities and towns across California are preparing to boost their economies through wedding services for same-sex couples, Kern County Clerk Ann Barnett decided to stop performing all weddings after… Read Post

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MILEY CYRUS IN VANITY FAIR

by Celebrities

Is Miley Cyrus following in the footsteps of Britney, Paris, and Vanessa Hudgins by posing for provocative photos that circulated on the Internet last week, as well as those from a suggestive Vanity Fair photo shoot in which she’s wrapped in a satin sheet and appears to be nude?

To our tweens and teenagers, it must seem like this kind of behavior is a winner. Kids know it’s unlikely that the photo shoot, especially by someone as stellar as Annie Leibovitz,will throw a monkey wrench in Miley’s career. After all, hardly anyone had ever heard of Paris Hilton before her sex tape, and Britney’s posing without her panties hasn’t hurt her either. The truth is, and kids know it, release of these photos may actually throw her career into overdrive. Miley has apologized and said she’s “embarrassed” about the whole affair.

Miley’s embarrassment and apology offer parents a great opportunity to discuss with their kids the pros and cons of posting photos to social network sites. The Vanity Fair photos are actually tame compared to what some girls post without their parents knowledge. I recently had a workshop participant whose 11-year-old daughter had herself videoed in a bra, draped over a sports car, and posted it to her MySpace page. While kids are savvier about technology than their parents, they aren’t emotionally mature yet and don’t have a clue about the consequences: they don’t realize that a photo can come back to haunt them when they’re trying to get a job or applying for college, or worse, being stalked by an online predator.

I urge parents to treat their children responsibly, rather than handing down a decree. Use Miley’s experience to open a discussion about what’s a good idea long-term, about privacy, about the risk of online predators. Ask your teen to consider “could this be bad news for me later?” Start a conversation with your teen rather than trying to police them.

Just as with alcohol and drugs, parents need to load up their kids with ammunition to understand that when they communicate on sites like MySpace and FaceBook, they are communicating to the world.

We all instinctively know the difference between a photo that sends a message of youthful life and vitality vs. photos that sexualize a child, as does the Vanity Fair shot. I would certainly question the photographer’s judgment; posing a 15 year old in a sheet is going to send a sexual message that conflicts with the squeaky clean image more appropriate to her age. When People magazine did a survey, 77% thought the photos were inappropriate for a girl her age. In our country, where recent statistics demonstrate that sexual abuse of girls is approaching 60% and boys 45%, it would seem smart to err on the side of caution and encourage our kids be kids as long as possible.

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Comments On Britney

by Celebrities

Question: What’s your take on Britney Spears?

Answer: She’s never had a chance to find out who she really is or what she really wants. As a show child and young adult, her entire life has been focused on performance and competition, not inner happiness. When she was troubled by her own feelings, she had to “push them down,” as there wouldn’t be time to addrress them with her busy career. Later, she learned to turn to addictive substances to mask those unpleasant feelings that many of us have about ourselves. She may have begun this process early so now she has addiction problems on top of everything else.

If she sticks with rehab, she can definitely turn the whole thing around.
There, she’ll be a part of a tribe of her own peers: people who’ve been where she’s been, and who are where she is right now. In that setting, she’ll have the downtime and opportunity to go within and find her real feelings that she’s never had a chance to get in touch with before. At the same time, she’ll have the support to get off the drugs and alcohol that keep her from connecting to these feelings.

Aboriginal tribes knew what we as a culture have forgotten: that truth heals.My work with people in public events puts people in that same tribal setting. There, I create a safe place for people to speak the things that have been left unsaid, and healing naturally flows from there.

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Britney’s Mental State

by Celebrities

Like so many bipolars, Britney has attempted to “self-medicate” her mood swings with drugs and alcohol, which can both initiate and exacerbate the problem. It’s hard to know what is chicken and what is egg here. Our brain chemistry is fragile: if we don’t take care to maintain decent nutrition, get adequate rest, monitor our stress levels and avoid substance abuse, we risk developing a problem like bipolar disorder. We are predisposed by our genetics and our mental and physical health habits. It’s been my experience working with thousands of people that most people who abuse drugs and alcohol are often unknowingly dealing with low level depression and try to “fix” their mood with substances. Next thing they know, they have a whole new problem on top of the depression: an addiction.

Britney appears to be suffering from a sub-category of bipolar disorder called “mixed state.” It’s just what it sounds like: you experience symptoms of both mania and depression simultaneously, such as being agitated while depressed or crying while manic. I suspect she’s also a “rapid cycler,” which means she can be very up and then very down, all in the same day. It’s really difficult to deal with and is a major cause of attempted suicide.

My heart really goes out to Britney and her family in this difficult time; I know how difficult it is when you feel ebullient one moment and despairing the next. I encourage her to put herself in the hands of her medical team. I want her to know that she doesn’t need to feel this way and that, with proper treatment, she can quickly recover and come back to herself.

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NICOLE RITCHIE – IS THE “BAD GIRL” PERSONA GONE FOREVER?

by Celebrities

Nicole Ritchie gave birth to a beautiful baby girl over the weekend. As a parenting expert, I’m asked if her “bad girl” persona could be gone forever. The answer is an emphatic “yes.”

Did being pregnant help Nicole clean up her act in any way? Absolutely! Before discovering she was pregnant, Nicole battled a host of addictions, including heroin, and a debilitating eating disorder. A woman’s body develops a different hormonal mix when it prepares her for motherhood. It often also makes her feel happier and more stable than before. That, coupled with getting in touch with millions of years of cellular memories of wanting to insure the health and safety of her unborn child, gave Nicole the absolute best platform for getting clean and sober.

This same combination of pregnancy hormones and awakened cellular memories also would support recovery from an eating disorder. It’s one thing to be told you’re wrecking your health and quite another to be told you’re wrecking the health of your unborn child. Here, Nicole had nine months of pregnancy and at least six months of breast-feeding coming up to build new eating habits. She can put both her addictions and her eating disorder behind her if she wants to. It’s probably the best chance she will ever have.

Does the baby’s birth also impact Joel, the father? Yes, and in beautiful and mysterious ways. Once a man learns he has fathered a child, those millions of years of cellular memory kick in for him too, and he suddenly feels like taking better care of himself and becoming more self-responsible so he can take care of his child. Plus, when he is in close proximity with his pregnant partner, and later with her and the baby, the three of them share in a unified field of energy that protects and supports them and helps them behave in caring and responsible ways to one another.

So is Nicole, the “bad girl,” gone forever? No, our addictions and eating disorders don’t every disappear, they just “lay low.” When our stress level increases, they can return. The key to a permanent recovery is to always remember: once addicted, always addicted. Keep going to 12-step meetings, stay in touch with others who are on the same program, stay in therapy – stay on top of it. Nicole’s “bad girl” can be history and we hope it is!

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Britney Hospitalized – What Does It All Mean?

by Celebrities

Britney Spears was taken to a Los Angeles hospital “for evaluation” last evening. According to the LAPD, police were called to her home at about 8:00 p.m. “about a custodial dispute regarding her children.” After three hours of high drama, it was determined that the children were supposed to be with her ex, Kevin Federline, and Kevin took them away. Officers noticed that Britney “was under the influence of an unknown substance” and she was taken to a hospital.

It’s no coincidence that Britney finally showed up for a deposition at the law offices of Kevin’s attorney earlier that same day. Arriving an hour and a half late, she only stayed 14 minutes. That’s undoubtedly the shortest deposition on record! Asked by a photographer if Kevin’s attorney was nice, she replied with an emphatic “No!”

It’s also no coincidence that Britney’s lawyers had asked to be allowed to withdraw from representing her the day previously.

What does this all mean?

Britney is acting as if she is about seven years old. She likely never had a real childhood, so she’s forced to have it now. When we skip a step in our development, inevitably we find ourselves trying to cope with adult situations with poorly developed skills. When Britney doesn’t get her way or is required to do something she doesn’t want to do (e.g., be deposed, which is very stressful and embarrassing), she “gets back” by refusing to turn over her kids at the appropriate time to her ex. Or indulging in drugs/alcohol. Or both. When her attorneys don’t conform to her demands, she fires them. Same goes for her mother, agent, hairdressers, bodyguards – anyone who doesn’t do what she wants. What age group does that sound like – under seven for sure!

What can we learn from this?

Sadly, Britney gives us a great example of how NOT to run our lives. We’ve all had problems like these: who among us hasn’t had a relationship problem or an addiction problem or a lawsuit problem or problems with our kids. What we can learn from watching Britney is what behavior doesn’t work. Don’t turn everything into high drama; don’t assume your demands should be met; don’t assume you’re right. Accept the fact that adults often don’t get their way. Take a deep breath and remember that this too shall pass. And instead of turning to drugs/alcohol to make the pain and anger go away, try walking or talking. Both are readily available. While we’re fascinated with the descent of Britney, we can learn much from it.

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Dying To Be Beautiful

by Celebrities

An autopsy is scheduled today on Donda West, 58, mother and manager of hip-hop star Kanye West. She had cosmetic surgery on Friday, evidently breast and stomach reduction surgery. It was an 8-hour affair, and she went home afterwards instead of to a surgery center. She stopped breathing on Saturday and was rushed to a hospital in LA, where she died.

At least one physician, Dr. Aboolian, told the media that when she requested surgery by him some months ago, he declined because she had a pre-existing medical condition and didn’t have a doctor’s release for it.

Dr. Jan Adams, a well-known Beverly Hills plastic surgeon, whose surgery center sits above a Kinko’s and Quizno’s in LA, performed the surgery. He told TMZ that he “had done nothing wrong” and that Donda had likely died from a heart attack, pulmonary embolism, or from massive vomiting post op.

Last night on Larry King, TMZ (a celebrity gossip and news TV show and website) reported that research on Dr. Adams revealed he is not board certified and that he has several DUIs, malpractice suits, and unpaid judgments against him. An ex-girlfriend of Dr. Adams claimed alcohol brings out the “Jekyll and Hyde” in him; she was granted a restraining order against him.

Why would a beautiful, intelligent, and successful woman like Donda, who had everything to live for, risk everything? Because our society tells women that they can’t compete or be respected unless they don’t look a day over 49 or wear more than a size 10. The pressure for a woman like Donda, who was in the limelight, is intense.

What can we learn from this tragic story?

Check out your doctor. Look him over at least as carefully as you would a car you’re thinking of buying. Be sure he is board certified and that you feel comfortable with him. If he doesn’t require a medical release, get another doctor. Tell him everything – don’t hide anything. Get your primary care doctor’s opinion too.

Don’t combine too many procedures; the longer you’re under, the higher the risk for embolism and infection.

Ask yourself why you want the surgery: if it’s to repair a relationship or change your life, it would better to see a therapist or you’ll find that you are disappointed after the surgery.

Our hearts go out to Kanye and his family. Donda was warm, loving, bright and talented, and we will all miss her. But the tragedy of her death can be a wake-up call to a lot of women who might be contemplating similar risky surgery.

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MORE “JUICE” ON O.J.

by Celebrities

Christine Prody, girlfriend of The Juice since before the criminal trial, and former aesthetician and cocktail waitress, is a pretty tough customer herself. The next door neighbor claims that he saw her fighting with O.J.—that she attacked him and tore a gold necklace off his throat. There have also been numerous allegations of drug use on her part. We can assume that where’s there smoke, there’s fire; chances are, Christine has plenty of problems of her own and is looking to get rescued.

Women are attracted to men like O.J. because deep down they’re afraid: afraid of being pushed around, of not being able to support themselves, of being uncared for, and they have a deep core belief that a big bruiser will be their fairy godfather. His girlfriend, like the rest of us modern-day men/women, has thousands of years of patriarchal beliefs built into her brain. She probably believes that a big, aggressive guy like O.J. will be her protector and her meal ticket.

Interestingly enough, most abuse victims are attracted to this type of guy. Unconsciously, they’re hoping to heal the original wound. Also, they believe that this big dude will protect them from further abuse in the future. They are blinded to the possibility that he may abuse them. They’re always sure, during the romance phase, that it won’t happen to them. Typically, women who have been abused hook up with abusive men, and repeat the cycle.

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O.J: SOCIOPATH OR VICTIM?

by Celebrities

The question on everyone’s minds today is whether O.J. Simpson is a sociopath or a victim. Twelve years ago during the criminal trial, many questioned whether or not he actually killed his wife and Ron Goldman. Public sentiment has shifted in the intervening years. Today, after his conviction in the civil trial and his attempts to publish a book about “how he did it,” the overwhelming sentiment seems to be that O.J. is guilty of those murders.

What is a sociopath and is O.J. one? He certainly exhibits many of the characteristics of a sociopath: he is superficially charming, manipulative and cunning; has a sense of entitlement; lies easily; exhibits lack of remorse; lives on the edge; is callous and not concerned about wrecking the lives of others; exercises despotic control over others; justifies his crimes; and is a narcissist. This textbook definition is a dead ringer for O.J!

But can he also be a victim?

Sociopaths are made, not born. What happened to him in his childhood to create these monstrous characteristics?

O.J. was born in the projects in San Francisco and his parents split when he was a toddler. From ages 3 to 5, he had to wear homemade braces after he contracted rickets from extreme malnutrition. He was in a street gang in high school. What saved him was his mother’s love and his tremendous athletic talent; he broke a world record in track before he was even 18 and earned the Heisman Trophy in football in high school. He married his high school sweetheart young, and he had a little girl who drowned before she was two. He and his wife divorced that same year.

It’s not hard to read between the lines of O.J.’s childhood: it’s highly likely that he suffered a lot of abuse and a lot of prejudice for being poor and black. The evidence in the current Las Vegas criminal trial is not clear cut and most of the witnesses don’t exactly have clean hands themselves, so it may be difficult to make a prosecution against O.J. Simpson stick. He may be free again soon.


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Britney Thumbs Nose at Court Order

by Celebrities

As if Britney didn’t have enough problems with her lackluster performance at last week’s MTV awards, the judge in her child custody case ruled this week that she is a “habitual, frequent and continuous” user of alcohol and drugs and must undergo twice-weekly random drug and alcohol testing. The court also ruled that both Britney and her ex, Kevin Federline, cannot use alcohol for 12 hours prior to having the kids. To top it off, Britney was also ordered to meet with a parenting coach and both parents must complete a “Parenting Without Conflict” course.

What did Brit do in response? Well, laying low isn’t her style. Instead, she went out that evening, not to one club, but two, and partied hard ‘til closing time, with plenty of photographers around to document it. It was reported that she was dancing on the tables, trying to look really sexy. I’d say looking really desperate.

This is classic behavior for someone in as desperate a state as Britney. The judge is giving her one last chance to pull back from her addictive behavior, so she won’t lose her two boys to her ex. But Brit’s been on an adolescent streak of rebellion for some time now (first with her ex, then her parents – most recently, she’s fired her hairdresser, her attorney, and even her manager has quit). Child stars have a really hard time growing up, and we’re watching in rapt fascination as poor Brit goes through the terrible two’s.

Britney’s former bodyguard, Tony Barretto, went over to the other side at the custody hearing and was ready to testify against his former boss and accuse her of drug use and issues of safety and nudity in front of her children. Tony claimed he was only doing it “because he too had small children.” Does this pass the “smell test” for truth? No! Fortunately, the judge saw through it, and declined to hear his testimony.

Likewise not passing the “smell test” is ex Kevin Federline who protests he’s just looking out for his kids’ welfare in trying to get full custody. More likely he’s looking to increase the child support he gets when the kids are in his custody! No doubt he sees the children as a meal ticket.

What is it about Britney that prompts her self-destructive behavior? One reason is that she didn’t learn any normal coping skills as a child star. Where most regular folks learn early on that they won’t always get their way, young stars like Britney and Lindsey Lohan are given free reign as long as they continue to pull in the money. By the time they are young adults, 18-20, their view of the world and their role in it is pretty twisted: they’re convinced that they’re the center of the universe and everyone else is simply there at their pleasure. When things don’t go their way, they try to numb their feelings with drugs and alcohol. As their lives careen out of control, and producers, friends, exes and judges fail to fall into line, they become increasingly miserable, even despondent, and turn again to addictive substances, and the cycle begins again.

Britney’s never had a chance to find out who she really is or what she really wants. As a show child, her entire life has been focused on performance and competition, not inner happiness. Britney simply didn’t have the coping skills to have handled the stress of her “comeback” attempt at the MTV awards, so she skipped the rehearsals (fear), fired her hairdresser in a fit of anger (read: fear), and tried to drink her way through the performance (fear again).

Will she sabotage herself as savagely in the custody battle? It’s so obvious that the one thing she really has going for her is her real love for her children. Knowing Britney and her propensity for creating one train-wreck after another, it doesn’t look too promising.

The key is for Britney to “hit bottom” (hopefully, she’s close!) Then, she’d be in the right frame of mind for a successful rehab. In rehab, she’d be a part of a tribe of her own peers: people who’ve been where she’s been, and who are where she is right now. In that setting, she’d have a chance to go within and find her real feelings that she’s not had a chance to get in touch with before. At the same time, she’d have the support to get off the drugs and alcohol that keep her from connecting to these feelings.

We all hope that Britney will turn her life around!

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DO BAD GIRLS ALWAYS WIN IN THE END?

by Celebrities

High School Musical Star to Get Millions After Release of Nude Photos.

To our teenagers, it must seem like this kind of bad behavior is a winner. Kids are savvy today, and they know it’s unlikely that the nude photos of Vanessa Hudgins, star of Disney’s hugely popular (and lucrative) High School Musical, will throw a monkey wrench in her career. After all, hardly anyone had ever heard of Paris Hilton before her sex tape, and Britney’s posing without her panties hasn’t hurt her either. Vanessa is already saying all the right things, apologizing, going to church with her parents, and generally acting demure. The release of these photos may actually throw her career into overdrive.

Parents, older and wiser than their kids, know that failing to respect your own body doesn’t win you anything in the long run. Vanessa will one day realize that cheapening her image and flushing away her dignity isn’t the road to real self-esteem, but that’s hard to grasp in the throws of young stardom. I urge parents not to focus on the negative, but to find positive images for their kids to admire, like Reese Witherspoon and Beyoncé Knowles.

This kind of celeb misbehavior makes parenting really difficult. Parents are trying to raise their girls to have respect for the privacy of their own bodies, and here their idols are in various stages of undress. The real message to young girls is an unhealthy over-emphasis on body image. After all, how many teenagers actually look like Vanessa? This leads to problems like eating disorders. And “what you see is what you get” is the subliminal message – it encourages bad behavior in boys and men. This leads to problems like sexual abuse, date rape, and a host of other behaviors that we all deplore. It’s no coincidence that more than one out of every three girls is sexually abused today.

Nudity sends a mixed message. I tell parents: teach your kids that sexy is one thing, but slutty is another.