April 2011 - Deborah King

Stabbed in the back by a “frenemy”

Unfortunately, many of us have had this experience. Someone you thought was a friend turned around and betrayed you. Maybe she started a cyber-bullying campaign against you. Maybe he slandered you to the boss. Maybe she seduced your boyfriend.

Whatever happened, you can still feel the knife in your back. And it hurts. You lost more than just a friendship. You lost trust in that person, and you may have also lost trust in your ability to choose friends wisely.

Other than indulging in revenge fantasies, what can you do so you don’t have to carry around that painful connection to a “frenemy?”

There is a shamanic technique I learned long ago that can recover your energy lost in the encounter and disconnect you from that person. It’s a simple but powerful technique.

Go to my blog on the Huffington Post atGo to my blog on the Huffington Post at https://www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-king/betrayed-by-a-frenemy-fiv_b_852323.html to read about how to remo to read about how to remove that virtual knife from your back; and while you’re on HuffPo, drop me a note – I ‘d love to see your comment there about your own knife-in-the-back experience!

Get Grounded for Earth Day: 7 Steps to Connect to Earth

Millions will gather together around the globe to share love and concern for our home, this beautiful planet Earth. Most of the time, we walk unconsciously over the Earth, our heads in the clouds. We are in our minds, thinking thinking thinking about all we have to do, about all the hurts we are experiencing, about how we don’t have enough, or how we aren’t enough. On this one day, we need to stop long enough to shift our awareness from who we are and what we need, to thank Earth for all she provides and to offer ourselves as helpers in the great task of repairing the world.

But first we have to repair our consciousness. After all, how can we help repair the world if we are not standing firmly upon the earth?

Often in meditation we focus upward to commune with Spirit, raising our energy up to and out the crown of the head. But to get grounded, we need to travel downward to tap into Earth’s energy.

Here are seven steps for connecting to the Earth and grounding your energy:

Turn your focus to your feet. What do the soles of your feet feel like? Have they been squashed into uncomfortable shoes? Do they ache or itch? Have you massaged them, treated them with the respect they deserve? Your feet carry you everywhere. How have you thanked them?
Imagine there’s a large wheel of energy, or a sphere, about 12-18 inches below your feet in the Earth. This is the doorway that allows you to receive energy from the Earth and to be supported by it. Visualize a cord of energy, like the roots of a tree, going down from the bottom of your feet and connecting to this sphere below your feet.
Feel your connection to the earth. Ask Mother Earth to help you stay grounded and stable. Honor her. Promise to help her by remembering to water your plants, pet the cat, admire the sunset, listening to the messages she sends to you through the natural world. Remember the feeling of this space, and tune into it whenever you get ungrounded, anxious, too much in your head.
Breathe in gently and feel your feet becoming more and more connected to the earth. You are a tree, a tree of life. You are grounded through your roots into the earth, which send sends strengthening, grounding energy up through the roots to nourish you. Feel the flow of energy going upward into your legs, thighs, hips.
Release any heaviness or pain from your fingers, arms, shoulders and neck. Let a beautiful green energy fill you as it flows from the earth below your feet and into the planet’s ecosystem, out beyond the planet into the solar system, and throughout the multitude of universes.
Gently pull your attention inward and come into your heart. You are home. Home in your body. Home on the earth. Feel great gratitude for being allowed to live upon the earth. For the shelter, warmth, and security you feel as you are held in the womb of the earth, strong and safe.
Thank the earth for the land you live upon, for being allowed to steward life upon the earth. Thank the earth for its wisdom and the joy it brings humanity. For the daisy’s sparkling smile, the orchid’s elegance, the thorn’s fierce defense of its environment.

We go into the darkness of the earth, its rich depths, to reconnect with the parts of ourselves we have tried to hide. Now that we have our roots planted in this nourishing earth, now that we are stable in our grounding, we can acknowledge what we have tried to hide, to ignore, to pretend wasn’t who we are.

We are light and dark, yin and yang, earth and sky, male and female. We are one with it all. The polarities merge. There is only One. There is no more fear. We are whole, and holy. From this place of Oneness, we are now ready to repair the world.

May every day be Earth Day.

Was she asking for it?

April is Sexual Abuse Awareness month. Many of you who know my story know that sexual abuse was a major component of my life as a child. I know all too well what that type of trauma can do. What is absolutely astounding to me is that someone can look at a young girl and believe that she was asking for it.

There was a recent case in the news about an 11-year-old girl who was gang raped, and the first defense by the young men who raped her was that she was asking for it. What makes that even worth reporting is the fact that so many people seem ready to buy into that lame excuse for violent behavior.

I’ve written a blog in The Huffington Post that discusses some of the beliefs we hold as a society that foster this kind of irrational and dangerous thinking. It’s so important that we examine our cultural beliefs so we can all help to eliminate the milieu that promotes sexual assault. You can read and comment on the blog at https://www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-king/was-she-asking-for-it_b_850153.html

Celebrating the Journey to Freedom

Throughout the ages and across every tradition, there are symbols and metaphors for the journey we all take from bondage to liberation.

We can look at that journey as the rising of kundalini from the first chakra at the base of the spine, where our concern is basic survival of the individual self, up through the crown of the head, the seventh chakra where we merge back into Oneness with All That Is. We can see it as the Hero’s Journey, the Arthurian quest of the Knights of the Round Table, the story of Demeter getting free of her imprisonment in the Earth, Osiris rising from the dead, the climb to the mountaintop.

In two of the main Western religions, Christianity and Judaism, their liberation journey stories take place in the spring, when life is renewing itself after the dead cold of winter.

At sundown on Monday, April 18th, the first night of Passover is celebrated with a “Seder”—that classic Jewish meal centered around the biblical story of Moses leading the Hebrews out of slavery to the Pharaoh in Egypt. The book that is used during the meal, the Haggadah, exhorts everyone at the table to look at the story of liberation as more than just a tale of what happened way back then, but as a personal experience—the way that you, too, are being led to your own liberation.

The main ritual question of the night is asked by the children at the table: Why is this night different from all other nights? And the answer is “Because we were slaves” and this is what G-d did for us: from the Angel of Death passing over our homes to the waters parting in the Red Sea to let our people go.

We are, indeed, all slaves to our egos, to our antiquated beliefs, to the relentless tyranny of our minds, to the destructive emotions we harbor. Now imagine having the power of Moses to open a clear-cut path through the obstacles that block your escape from slavery so eventually you, too, can get to the Promised Land. The power wielded by Moses sprang from his deep connection to God, to Source. Although it may take 40 years of wandering in the desert, and the testing of faith when confronted with a seductive Golden Calf or two along the way, the path to liberation—for an individual or a people or a civilization—is through connection to Source.

The end of this week brings us to the Last Supper celebrated by Jesus and his disciples, undoubtedly also a Passover Seder, that set into motion the events of Good Friday, leading to the Passion of Christ and the resurrection—another perfect metaphor for the journey to freedom from bondage. We all carry our crosses, bear the burdens of human suffering. We all seek resurrection into the Light.

It pains me that differences in religions have been used to divide people, when at their heart, all religions are based on the same mystic journey from bondage to liberation. Let’s dedicate this week to celebrating that journey of evolution of consciousness. As we gather together in rituals around the table at home or in places of worship, let us remember and reflect upon how far we have come, and acknowledge that we’re all walking the same road to redemption.

Weighing in on Journaling

Either for health reasons or for sheer vanity, or a little of both, losing weight is always an issue for millions of women and men. In the U.S. today, a shocking 63.1 percent of adults are either overweight or obese, with a third being overweight and a quarter being obese. That’s an awful lot of people who have to lose weight.

You can win the battle of the bulge without declaring total war on all the foods you love. What you’re looking for is a way to eat a basically healthy diet without feeling deprived. And right there is the clue to success—your feelings.

Do you crunch a bag of chips rather than acknowledging how angry you are at your boss? Do you need the melt-in-your-mouth smoothness of ice cream to soothe a broken heart? Do you graze mindlessly all day because you’re bored or anxious?

In order to become aware of your emotional connection to food, you need to become aware of your emotions. There’s no better way to do that than by journaling.

5 Tips for Dealing with Negativity from Others

She’s sly, and hurtful to you when your husband’s back is turned. He thinks his mother is a sweet peach; you, on the other hand, know the black pit of her heart. Maybe your mother-in-law really is a sweetie, but you’ve got a brother, aunt, co-worker, or so-called friend who delights in dumping their negativity on you.

They may not realize consciously what they are doing, but these drama queens, nasty relatives, and “frenemies” can really put a damper on your enjoyment of life, and can affect your health and emotional well-being.

What can you do when someone is blasting you with their unwelcome energy? How can you protect yourself from wearing that coat of slime? After all, you don’t want to feel so irritated and depleted every time you have to see that person.

For five great tips on how to protect your personal space, release negativity that’s been dumped on you, retrieve your own energy and return theirs, read my latest blog in The Huffington Post at https://www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-king/mothers-in-law_b_845253.html. You’ll feel so much younger, filled with positive energy and vitality, that it’s like turning back the hands of time.

Help Keep Our Young Men Alive

They are so young. In their teens and early twenties. And, around the world, they are now dying at a higher rate than children.

It used to be that infectious disease carried away far more little ones. But some of those diseases are being brought under control and infant and child mortality are decreasing. Now, it’s reckless driving, violence, and suicide that make us lose our sons, brothers, friends.

It’s always painful to read about young men who are tormented about their sexuality being beaten, bullied, or killed, or committing suicide. It’s always troubled teen boys who barge into schools with semi-automatic weapons. It’s male drivers under the age of 25 that are the most likely to be involved in fatal auto crashes. They’re too busy doing other things while driving, like texting. It’s young men, especially those involved in street or gang violence or drug trafficking, who are most likely to die through homicide.

The big question is why?

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