Posts in category: Celebrities

How do I know that? Because 23 million Americans tuned in to watch Kate and William get hitched, and the number worldwide reached as many as 2 billion! Even Dunkin’ Donuts got in on the royal wedding with a heart-shaped donut, which signified “the love between Prince William and Catherine,” now the Duke and Dutchess of Cambridge. The doughnut was filled with jelly to show how their lives would be filled with happiness. The white frosting represented the wedding gown (which was far more elegant) and the chocolate drizzle stood for William’s love for chocolate. Okay, I’m with them on that one.

I think it’s lovely that William and Kate got married after ten years of being together. Hopefully they both know what they’re getting into. Marriage can do a lot to destroy romance, even if you don’t have to live your life according to palace protocol.

Romance, that sentimental and idealized version of love, feeds on excitement and mystery. It takes us away from the doldrums of everyday life. Bodice-ripper romance novels have a huge following. Then again, so does porn. I’ve been shocked to learn that women seem to like porn almost as much as men do. Yet they still tune into the royal wedding and fantasize about being a princess.

What exactly is romance anyway? What sort of chemical imbalance blinds us to our loved one’s faults, to their potential for violence or lack of ethics? Why do we sign on for future heartbreak?

Up until very recently in history, marriages were mostly arranged. There was very little mixing and matching done across established boundaries of race or religion, not to mention gender. Romance usually involved tragedy—look what happened to Romeo and Juliet, who came from warring clans. Nowadays we’re expected to fall in romantic love, then get married and try to avoid being the 50 percent whose marriages fail.

What do we expect? That excitement and mystery will continue when she has to pick up his dirty underwear off the floor, when he has to deal with her crazy brother moving in “just temporarily,” when the economy collapses and there’s no money to pay the mortgage?

But something inside craves the possibilities inherent in romance. That brief respite from reality when we get swept off our feet, carried along on the wave of long talks over a candlelit dinner, holding hands as we walk along a moonlit beach, long languorous explorations of bodies, minds, and souls. We want to be known, to be “seen,” to be told we are beautiful and that we’ll never be alone again.

When we are in romantic love, we want to wallow in personal bliss, not do the long hard dirty work of healing our own wounds, telling our truth, standing in our own integrity.

But enough about reality. Back to the important stuff: jelly donuts with chocolate swizzles on top of a pure white heart . . .

Today is Ash Wednesday, the start of Lent, leading up to Easter Sunday on April 24^th this year. During this time, Catholics used to give up something they enjoyed, say chocolate, or maybe nowadays it would be Facebook. During my Catholic childhood, I abstained at various times from dancing and skating, two of my favorite activities as a kid.

It’s not easy giving up an habitual behavior, whether it’s viewing a favorite TV show, gliding over the ice, or trying to break an addiction. I’ve been watching what’s happening with Charlie Sheen, and remembering my own addiction to alcohol, cigarettes, pills, extreme dieting, and promiscuous sex. In other words, I was addicted to escaping from myself, much like Charlie is these days. I don’t know what his ultimate train wreck moment will be, but mine came in my mid-twenties when I was diagnosed with cancer.

My very first step to recovering my health was to join AA, and I immediately gave up alcohol and Valium. I’ve heard Charlie’s rants against 12-step programs, and his deluded idea that he can conquer his addictions through will power alone. Trust me, he can’t. The genius of 12-step programs is that they show you how to admit that you are powerless over that substance or activity, and your best chance of remaining clean is to stay completely away from whatever it is you are addicted to (which is why food addiction is so hard to conquer; you have to keep eating).

Trying to come off a drug like cocaine (and there’s a strong chance that’s Charlie’s drug of choice) really requires two types of support: medical supervision to deal with the symptoms of physical withdrawal when you stop taking the drug, and the emotional and spiritual support of like-minded peers, like those you find in a 12-step program. I see Charlie trying to conquer his addiction with will power alone and going totally insane in the process. And he may have permanently injured his brain with too many years of cocaine, which induces a manic-like state. In the language of AA, he’s trying to “white knuckle” his addiction. And he’s looking crazier and crazier.

In the years I spent healing the cancer, I learned perhaps the most important lesson of addiction—we can’t get away from ourselves, no matter how much we drink, snort, smoke, shoot up, or eat. I could wake up in strange beds with no recollection of how I got there, but there I was again, facing another day of trying to escape from myself. It was only when I turned inside that I started to heal.

I was like a private detective, examining all the clues I had tried to ignore for so long. At first, it was simply noting my emotions throughout the day. Literally noting them in a little notebook I carried everywhere. Was I feeling jealous of a particularly thin friend? I’d write “jealous.” Sad, scared, angry, really angry, downright furious . . . whatever it was, I wrote it down. Just acknowledging that I had feelings was a big deal. Then I started writing in a journal. It all started to pour out of me— the difficult experiences of my childhood, my feelings of inadequacy, the pain of relationships, along with whatever I was going through that day.

At the same time as I turned my attention inward instead of trying to escape outwardly, I enlisted the help of alternative medicine and holistic practitioners to support my efforts—acupuncture, massage, and natural health remedies. I cleaned up my food. It wasn’t fast, and it wasn’t easy, but it saved my life in every possible way. Ultimately, in the hands of an energy healer, the cancer went into remission. Over the years, I went from being a manic corporate attorney to being a health & wellness expert, healer, teacher, and the author of books that are meant to help you find the truth of your life so you too can fulfill your highest purpose.

Do you want to give up your self-destructive habits, whether it’s  alcohol or cigarettes or being a couch potato or a food junkie? Start by shining a light on your emotions. If you need help naming what you’re feeling, go to https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emotions or simply google “list of emotions.”

And take a moment to send some positive energy in Charlie’s direction. He needs all the help he can get.

Are you tired of reading about Charlie Sheen and other celebrities whose addictions and negative behavior patterns foul up their lives and those of others? And what about the people in your life who are in desperate need of personal transformation? Don’t you wish that, just once, you could be rewarded for being the good person you are? In this season of award shows, let’s hear it for being the best. Read my blog in The Huffington Post, “And the Award Goes To . . .” at http://www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-king/and-the-award-goes-to-_b_820799.html

I’d love to be able to take a swim at the beach, sit under a tree reading a novel, or chill out with some cold chocolate ice cream, but I’ve been pulled back into the reality of the world by Michael Jackson’s father, Joe, appearing on Larry King Live to deny he ever beat his son. That, on top of watching Chris Brown’s 2-minute video apology for beating Rihanna, have given me a worse headache than biting into an ice cream cone. You can read about the abuse issues that have clouded the clear skies of my summer enjoyment in Psychology Today.

Can’t sleep? How about knocking yourself out with the “milk of amnesia” used for surgery? Anxious about performing 50 intense shows at the age of 50? Try 40 tabs of Xanax and add in some antidepressants. Michael Jackson certainly was a believer in better living through chemistry.

So many people these days are reaching for the prescription drug bottle to smooth out the wrinkles in our lives that use of these meds, especially pain relievers, has surpassed usage of illegal drugs as the pathway to oblivion . . . and, in Michael Jackson’s case, to death.

Read my blog on this topic from the Huffington Post.

Michael Jackson brings up conflicting feelings in me: sympathy for him as an abused child and admiration for his talent as a performer, while not condoning in any way his probable behavior as a child molester. I watched his trial on charges of sexual abuse and thought there was evidence of guilt, although I was glad to see the charges dropped because of the way in which the trial had been conducted.

I lived in Santa Ynez (down the road from Neverland Ranch) when Michael Jackson was on trial for sexual abuse. It was obvious that he was being persecuted, not prosecuted.  I was so glad when the trial was over. Although I thought the evidence showed him to be guilty, the trial itself was a travesty of justice and the charges were rightly dropped.

Jackson was not only a victim of a wrong-headed trial, but also suffered greatly from his emotional and physical abuse as a child. Actually, he was never really allowed to be a child, which he tried desperately to do as an adult. It didn’t work, and his coping mechanisms left him more broken in heart and spirit.