Monthly Archives: December 2012

How was 2012 for you? Was it your best year ever, or are you glad you’re now in a new year and you have the chance, once again, to start over.

We live in turbulent times, and many of us have experienced big changes in our lives. There are those who were caught in the downslide of the housing market and wound up losing their homes. There are those who lost their jobs or whose finances bottomed out and they had to go through bankruptcy. There are those who lost absolutely everything in Hurricane Sandy, or in forest fires, or floods. And those who lost the most precious thing of all—a loved one—whether through a breakup, divorce or death.

It’s not only loss that brings about the necessity of starting over. There are also the times—especially around New Year’s—when we make resolutions that THIS YEAR I’m going to start exercising, eat right, lose weight, stop smoking, stop drinking, learn how to tango, visit Machu Picchu, take a pottery class,—whatever. There’s always something about ourselves we want to change, something we want to learn, some reason for starting out fresh.

Starting over is not the same as picking yourself up off the floor after some sort of failure—whether it was losing your job or losing your house or losing your partner. Starting over is a new frame of mind, a clean start, a new beginning. It’s a clean slate, which keeps you from wasting time being too hard on yourself or wallowing in guilt.

Endings aren’t necessarily bad. That job you lost? Maybe you really didn’t like it much anyway. It’s time to look at your talents and skills and passions. Maybe it’s time to “follow your bliss” and finally find or create a job that makes you feel good about yourself. Remember, your future is not governed by your past. No matter what’s happened in your life, you can make things a little better for yourself and for those around you, too.

If you are still living in the chaos of either man-made or natural disasters, starting over is not a choice. A great quality to have in those circumstances is the ability to accept support from others—financial, emotional, physical. Starting over can seem scary, but try to play down your fears and get excited about new possibilities.

Here are a few tips:

1. After a divorce or a breakup—try not to dwell on what happened. There is more to life than one person. Distract yourself; maybe now’s the time to go on that safari in Africa, or take that rafting trip down the Colorado River. Shake yourself out of your usual comfort zone. And try to understand what went wrong. Work with a therapist or relationship expert so next time you won’t make the same mistakes. Don’t rush to sign up on a matchmaking site. Learn to be with yourself first.
2. After the death of a loved one—allow yourself to mourn. Cry as much as you need to. It helps to have a shoulder to cry on. Doing some sort of ritual, whether it’s a public funeral or a private ceremony, puts you on the path to healing. Journaling may help you to gain acceptance of your loss. Write about what the person meant to you, how you feel, and what you think your life will be like a year or so from now. Most of all, don’t isolate yourself. While the emotional pain over the death will diminish with time, don’t expect it to go away. Rely on friends and family for support.
3. After losing or quitting a job—figure out what you want from your next job. What are you goals, and how will you achieve them? Is it time to switch careers? Experts say that the average person makes up to seven career changes during their work life. If money weren’t an issue, what would your heart want to do? Now network like crazy. Many jobs don’t show up on Monster.com or Craigslist. Develop your elevator pitch—that 2-minute spiel that gets someone excited about you and your abilities. You never know when you’ll run into the person can who hook you up with the job of your dreams.
4. Any time at all—do something that will help others. No matter how hard you’ve been hit by life circumstances, finding a way to be of service to others always helps you!

At this time of year, when we are celebrating the holidays with family and friends, I wanted to take a moment to thank you for being such an important member of my spiritual circle.

You keep me in an open heart space. You give me the gift of being able to share what I’ve learned over the years. You entrust me with your personal story—of health crises, heartbreak, or despair, along with joyous tales of your awakening to a deeper connection to Source. You discover the inner abilities you have to heal.

Please CLICK HERE to see my holiday video, a small token of  my appreciation for all you bring to my life.

With much love,

Deborah

You hadn’t even taken that last bite of pumpkin pie when the madness began: buy now, pay later, check out where to get it cheapest by scanning labels on your smart phone. Jingle bells, snow days, Christmas lights on palm trees, and lists—oh those lists. Who can I afford to buy a present for this year? Who gets homemade cookies? Who has time to bake? Do I have to attend two Christmas dinners in one day to keep everybody happy? Will Uncle Willie get drunk and try to grab me again? It’s stress, stress, stress.

Or maybe it’s the opposite. Maybe you have no one to celebrate with, no one to buy presents for, and during this dark time of year, you find yourself getting really down in the dumps. Maybe you lost a loved one this year and the holidays just won’t be the same. You’re not going around singing “It’s the most wonderful time of the year.”

Do you always get stressed out around the holidays? Too much to do and not enough time or money and/or lonely and depressed? Is there a big difference between how you think you’re supposed to feel and how you are actually feeling?

Here are 10 ideas for getting through the holiday season in one piece:

1. Give yourself a break. One of the fastest routes to holiday depression is unrealistic expectations. Be as honest with yourself as possible and set realistic goals. You can’t host the ideal holiday get-together for 20 while working full-time and shopping for the kids and extended family and friends. Don’t be embarrassed to make your holiday celebration a pot luck and spread the work around. As Jane Fonda says, “perfect is over-rated.”
2. Don’t be afraid to change your holiday traditions. If you’re a working mom, don’t try to replicate the holiday your stay-at-home mother used to put on. If you’ve gotten divorced, give your kids the gift of a shared holiday without fighting over who gets the kids for which part of the celebrations.
3. Keep some sort of routine going. Self care is really important. If you can’t make it to the gym or yoga class, at least go out for a walk. If you stop exercising and are eating and drinking all the holiday goodies, you’ll wind up feeling sluggish (never mind that your jeans won’t zip up anymore) and a little depressed. And try to get as much sleep as your body needs.
4. Build in some downtime. All the holiday visiting, the relatives coming, the traveling, doesn’t mean you stop giving yourself some breathing space. Families can be a great source of joy, but also a great source of chaos and misery. Take some time each day just for you.
5. And speaking of families, remember that you aren’t married to them. Feel free to opt out of family at the holidays without any guilt whatsoever.
6. Keep in mind that alcohol is a depressant. Eggnog is yummy—in small amounts. Parties don’t have to make you depressed. And drink plenty of water.
7. If you’ve lost a loved one, find a way to celebrate that person’s life, whether it’s lighting a candle for them when the family gathers or having a good cry on Christmas Eve telling stories of how he or she always loved that night.
8. A wonderful way to feel better during this season is to forgive those who have hurt you. Let go of the past. Don’t be disappointed if your holidays aren’t like they were in the “good old days.” Embrace the changes your life has brought. Your spirit will thank you.
9. If you feel alone and blue, find a way to help others. Serve holiday dinners at a homeless shelter, visit a nursing home to sing carols, work with a group that helps underprivileged or hospitalized children, send gift packages to those devastated by Hurricane Sandy, write cards to soldiers overseas, and remember what the holidays are really about—bringing more light into the world.
10. Drop by a church or synagogue or mosque or temple or reading room or meditation space. Spending 10 or 15 minutes sitting quietly in a dedicated space is a great way to take a deep breath and drop the rushing around in the midst of a stressful time.