Based on the scores of comments to my latest Huffington Post blog, it looks like I’ve opened up a real can of worms in the psyche of the American public by writing about my own experience being abused with a “foreign object,” and delving into the unthinkable area of what could be behind a pedophile’s horrific acts. I am always seeking to shed light in the dark corners. The more aware everyone is that these types of abuses are suffered by innocent children all over the world, and the more we become unafraid to admit what has happened in our own lives, the sooner we can put an end to this scourge of humanity.
There is so much confusion and wrong thinking– especially in a case like that of Melissa Huckaby, where a woman, a mom, allegedly sexually abuses a young girl. I hope this blog offers readers some insight into a dark and murky area.
Melissa Huckaby and the Unthinkable Sex Object
As horrifying as the murder of an 8-year-old is, the truly unimaginable aspect of the Melissa Huckaby case, for most people, is her alleged use of a foreign object to rape Sandra Cantu. How could a woman, a mom (!), do this to a little girl? How . . . why . . . with what kind of an object? It’s unfathomable, hard to think about, dark, evil. The only “safe” conclusion is that the woman must be insane. In fact, along with other experts, I doubt if Huckaby is insane. And as I know both from personal experience and from working with many abused women, rape with a foreign object is not as unusual as one would like to think.
I make no excuses for Melissa Huckaby nor for anyone who commits abuse.
Additional comments from the discussion thread at the Huffington Post article:
I tried to make it clear that it’s been my professional experience, working with both those who have been abused and a few perpetrators, that the sort of thing that has been alleged in this case is rarely about sexual attraction per se, but is more about power. When a pedophile is acting unconsciously from his or her own experience of abuse, gender is often irrelevant.
I have actually worked with a few perpetrators. What I learned from them was how individual each one’s motives were and often how totally unconscious they were of them. As Bejugo noted, sometimes it’s about sex, sometimes it’s about power. My experience has been that it’s most often a combination of the two: that they had an early sexual experience that was titillating and that the urge to re-experience that feeling works in tandem with the need to overpower another.