Develop Habits that Help You & Ditch the Ones that Don’t
It’s impossible, I think, to live for very long without developing a series of habits that appear to have worked quite well for a very long time. We’ve all developed habits for assorted reasons: to pass the time, to shift blame, or to pass muster in some way. Some have become workaholics, others shopaholics, others alcoholics, others marathon TV series-aholics, still others video game-aholics. In a crazy, mixed-up, and heavily politicized world, sometimes dropping out simply to stay sane seems the sensible thing to do.
Mea culpa
Early on, I developed self-protective habits in abundance: among them, staying out of my mother’s way (she detested me in utero) and pleasing my incestuous father (and later other powerful men, working my way up the ladder back when women attorneys were almost as rare as hens teeth), none of which was good for me. As a result of these unhealthy habits and others (including drinking like a fish and an unhealthy daily dose of Valium), I ended up with a cancer diagnosis in my 20’s. Talk about a wake-up call!
It was just so easy to develop unhelpful habits! When it worked, even temporarily, to give me some sense of control, ease, or release, I did it again. And again. And again. Until they became habits. (As it turned out, nearly fatal habits!)
I can guarantee you that no one ever expected (or intended, or desired) to become addicted to a substance, a beverage, or a way of “doing life” that ended up harming them and/or their loved ones and future. But millions of people have ended up hooked on habits that no longer serve them (and perhaps, in hindsight, never did).
With that cancer diagnosis, I went on a health kick and on a quest that extinguished the older, unhelpful habits along the way. With only so many hours in each given day, and what I considered, at the time, to be a temporary reprieve from undergoing surgery while I researched other healing modalities, a whole new world opened up to me. A world in which I was no longer a victim or a victimizer (both learned at my parents’ knees) but a victor. With each new sage, guru, shaman, and teacher I met, I developed new habits to support my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual wellbeing. My body literally healed itself, as all bodies are designed to do when we stop bombarding them with unhelpful habits and harmful thoughts. And as a result, I discovered my true calling (Spirit never wastes a wound): sharing ways to overcome unhelpful mindsets that deliver the exact opposite of what everyone wants to happen to them and their loved ones! Healing is an inside job and developing helpful habits is a crucial step in the process.
My Recipe for Developing Better Habits
- This month, replace one unhelpful habit with a helpful one.
If you’re spending more than 30 minutes a day on social media or playing Solitaire or another relaxing-but-irrelevant video game, choose another helpful habit and divert and dedicate the excess time to developing it. Example: If you’re sedentary, devote the excess time to taking a mindful walk. Ideally, choose a nature trail, a city park, or some other place where you can see and hear birds and animals. Or, if children are a special delight, visit a playground in a city park. This new activity should have no responsibilities attached to it. Make this your time to simply walk, sit, and appreciate the value of creating a healthier, but equally enjoyable (“addictive”-worthy!) habit.
- Next month, replace another unhelpful habit with a more helpful one.
If you feel you’re addicted to watching too much TV, divert and dedicate at least half of the time you spend doing that listening to a soothing music station (ideally instrumental). Doing so will give your brain a chance to recalibrate and relax. Although our brains are designed to think and to seek pleasurable activities, they don’t benefit from a too-constant drumbeat of pursuit. Too much action/adventure or adrenaline-pumping entertainment can create an imbalance. Give your brain a break!
- The following month, replace another unhelpful habit with a creative new hobby or undertaking.
Learn to knit, read a book, play pickleball, speak a new language, or go swimming during the time you would otherwise spend on the unhelpful habit. Write that memoir. Send that letter. Do something you feel really great about.
- Repeat, as above, as many times as necessary, each time replacing an unhelpful habit with one that feeds your spirit or advances you in the direction you want to go.
You do have the time; it’s just a matter of incorporating a more helpful pursuit, using the same hours. Simply establish focused intent and then Make It So!
When you’ve conquered your small handful of time-consuming unhelpful habits, you’ll find you’ve freed up ample time (and energy!) to seek and attain the goals that you’re more interested in achieving.
Yard by yard, life is hard.
Inch by inch, life’s a cinch.
It is sometimes the smallest of things that are the hardest to change. And we all need a helping hand sometimes. And that is exactly what our community here at the Deborah King Center provides. And at the highest echelons of our programs, the changes people make in their lives are nothing short of life-changing. Want to learn more about it? Click here to attend our free annual Open House to learn about the transformations that can be in store for you >>