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5 Ways You Sabotage Your Relationships

Wouldn’t you agree that one of the most challenging activities you engage in here on planet Earth is relating to your fellow human beings? There must be a reason why TV sit-coms, reality shows, and dramas are almost always about families, friends, and neighbors struggling to live together in happiness and harmony. Remember that childhood report card question: “Plays well with others—yes or no?” From your earliest beginnings, you face the need to build and nurture healthy relationships. Even though you want and need to ace this soul assignment, are you making the grade? Or are you falling short of the peace, love, and understanding you know is possible?

Relationships require work, and it’s some of hardest work to understand and measure. Sometimes it is all you can do to manage your emotions, your fears and doubts as they come into contact with the same elements brewing in the hearts and minds of others—from that disapproving mother-in-law to those hostile co-workers to the spouse and children who just don’t understand. Energy medicine teaches that we are all one, all connected, and therefore happiest when we heal, thrive, and grow together. Learning to do just that is part of your soul’s purpose, but how do you avoid the all too common relationship pitfalls? You may be sabotaging love without even knowing it.

5 Common Relationship Blunders that Keep You From Feeling Loved:

  1. You are never in the present moment. Oops! You know how important it is to keep yourself in the here and now. Your family knows when you aren’t around even though you’re physically present. Are you always focused on the way things will be “when”—when you get a better job, when you can afford that dream vacation, when the kids get older? Everything that matters is happening right now – not in the past and not in the future. Be present here and now for those you love and for yourself, too.
  2. You expect relationships to make you whole. As it turns out, your spiritual growth is entirely your job. As a spiritual teacher and energy healer, I often have to help students give themselves permission to develop self-awareness and self-love. The time and energy you devote to awakening your spirit is a gift to everyone you encounter in this world. Do you feel you are pouring all you have into your relationships? Are you sure you aren’t busy patting yourself on the back for being so generous and then resenting all those “takers” in your life who leave you feeling utterly depleted? Self-awareness and self-love are necessary to bring your best and highest self to the communal table of love. Fill yourself first, and then you’ll have plenty to offer others without lingering resentment.
  3. You let fear rule your dealings with others. What if this person betrays you? What if you give yourself completely and they leave you holding the bag—the kids, the debts, the mortgage payment? If you’ve experienced betrayal in the past, it may be hard not to carry fear of that same heartbreak into your present circumstances. If you have to choose between trust and fear, which one feels better? If you can trust divine intelligence to open the flowers and grow the grass, you might as well trust that same intelligence to empower you to love without fear. Remember, you can’t experience love with a closed heart.
  4. You hold onto old grudges and always bring up the bad stuff when you feel threatened. Yes, so-and-so did make a very big mistake in the past, but why is it so present now and right on the tip of your tongue? How does it help you to keep remembering negative experiences as you strive to live and let live, love and let love? If you’re surprised by the venom that springs forth when you feel challenged, it might be time to clean out your emotional storehouse. Try using your journal to write it out and let go of all the old resentments that are clogging up your spirit and sabotaging your health and happiness. If you want to be forgiven for your mistakes, you must be willing to forgive others for theirs.
  5. You try hard to control everyone and everything. Somehow you have the idea that your job is to fix everyone. It’s a frightening responsibility and definitely not in your best interests. If you do more talking than listening, you are probably missing an important relationship tool—tuning in to the messages others send you. Fortunately, there is still plenty of time to enhance your ability to see yourself and others more clearly. The practice of meditation can give you a platform of inner peace and the comfort of knowing that a higher power is standing by to guide and uplift any and all who ask. Taking responsibility for the only person you have control over is a great way to become the partner you wish to attract.

Opportunities to heal all aspects of your relationships and nurture your own spirit are always available. If you would like to learn more about how a meditation practice can help you gain awareness and insight and foster self-love, I invite you to join me in Learn to Meditate. This mantra-based meditation practice is easy to use on a daily basis. I’ll even email you your very own personal mantra.

Deborah King