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Healing Your Relationships for the Holidays

“Love yourself first and everything else falls into place.” Lucille Ball

Are you seeing family during the holidays? Will you be dealing with your brother-in-law who does nothing but put you down? Or maybe you’ll be visiting your mother who launches her list of grievances as soon as she sees you? One thing the holidays are sure to bring is people—friends, family, colleagues, neighbors—your relationships are in the spotlight this time of year. No matter what you have planned this season, your happiness may rise or fall with your ability to relate. It’s a perfect time to nurture your power of connection.

Notice how we use the expression “relate to” regarding people. It means “get on with, understand, identify with, sympathize with, and feel for”—all positive things.  Being in relationships with people begins before birth and follows you throughout life and even into the next dimension. Your life is filled with relationships of every stripe. Whether you feel yours are loving, satisfying, challenging, shaky, empty, or scary, depends on you. In my work as an energy healer and spiritual teacher, I focus on the role that you yourself play in relationships. Your relationship with yourself colors everything and is surely the most important one you have.

Take a look at the relationship you have with yourself. Does it support the wellbeing of your mind, body, and spirit? Learning to love yourself is the secret to success in all relationships. How can you love (understand, accept, help, and uplift) others unless you first love yourself? When you believe that you are worthy of being loved and feel content to spend time alone with yourself, you are ready to relate. Relate well to yourself and you are ready to relate to anyone else from the most difficult family member to an exciting new friend or romantic partner.

How can you tune up this most important relationship with yourself? First, figure out how you really feel about yourself. Go within and see how the foundation of your self-esteem looks right now. Ask yourself these questions: What do you like most about yourself? What are your greatest gifts, abilities, talents? What are your strengths? Pay yourself some compliments based on what you see. “I love my ability to cook great meals.” “I love the way I always have a smile for the people I meet—in the store, at work, in the post office.” “I love my feelings of gratitude for life.”

Now think about your inner voice. Are you always glancing in the mirror and beating yourself up over that extra weight you can’t seem to part with? Do you still blame yourself for some incident that happened years ago? Do you hear yourself echoing some criticism from a parent, teacher, boss, or spouse that you have allowed to follow you? What if all your self-talk was respectful, kind, and loving? Isn’t that the talk you long to hear from others? Cleanse your image of yourself on the inside and you’ll attract the respect, kindness and love that make happy relationships possible.

Before you look out into the world where others are waiting to relate, see if your connection to you is ready to shine forth:

  • Do you lovingly accept yourself as you are?
  • Is your self-esteem independent of the good opinion of others?
  • Do you refrain from judging or criticizing yourself and others?
  • Do you seek to understand and forgive yourself and others?
  • Do you step back from conflict, putting kindness first?

Believe in yourself, love yourself, be kind to yourself as the holidays approach. Whatever makes your brother-in-law behave badly and your mother gripe endlessly, you can’t change it for them. But you might be able to help them feel better by modeling peace, self-respect, and forgiveness. They may need a better relationship with themselves, too, and you can send them positive, loving energy.

To learn more about improving the relationship you have with yourself and developing healthy habits in your body, mind and spirit, join me in an online journey that will renew your energy, uplift your spirit and encourage a stronger spiritual connection!

Deborah King